Wives and the Stupid **** They Say/Do

[ulukinatme]

Stole this thread from the Shag, figured I'd start one over here as I'm sure IE has some great wife stories to tell. General rules are "wife" stories only. Girlfriend stories will be heard, but gf's are generally still considered "fun" and the commitment level doesn't require a lawyer to walk away.

Here's one that was posted the other day as an example, not my own:

Wives and the Stupid $#@! They Say/Do - Page 395

So, yall saw where my kid blinded me for two days right?

The morning it happened before I got my daughter to drive to me to Care Now. I called and left her a message about what happened and Daughter1 was taking me to the place. I would call her later (she was in a surgery so I knew it would go to vm)

I get a couple of text from her while I being seen by the doc. Tell daughter1 to text her and let her know what was going on.

Daughter1 takes me to get prescription and takes me home. I leave another VM explaining that I can't see, she would need to pick up boy from Day care, I'm going to bed call me if you need anything. Once again I get about 3 text messages. I ignore them.

Finally I get a call "Why haven't you responded to my text messages I was worried about you."
me : "I'm fucking blind. I can't see the damn text messages. Thats why I told you to call."

she gets home later "I texted you to see what you wanted for diner, but you didn't respond so I didn't get you anything."

 

[EddytoNow]

These are about an ex-wife, but we were still married when each happened.

Story #1 - We go to a 40th birthday surprise party for the wife's best friend. On the way home the wife complains that I never throw her any surprise parties like that for her birthdays. I hear "I want a birthday party like that." On her next birthday, I plan an elaborate surpise party for the wife on her 40th party inviting 50 to 60 of our closest friends. After everyone leaves the wife complains that I only threw her such a large party because her friend's husband had done it first. I should have heard "My best friend's husband is a better husband than you, and I will resent anything you try to do because you don't measure up."

Story #2 - The wife, our two young boys, and I attend the local Highland Games. The event is so large that we had to park several miles away and ride a shuttle bus into the festival area. I decide to look through the Irish and Scottish CD's that are for sale by the vendors. The wife decides to watch the highland dances being performed nearby. We agree to meet in the highland dance area. Fifteen minutes later, the two boys and I go to the highland dance area looking for the wife. She is nowhere to be found. We continue to search for her in the area of the highland dancing for the next hour. We then spend the next two hours walking around the grounds trying to locate her. We even ride the shuttle back and forth to see if she has returned to the car. Finally, we wait at the entrance gate for her to show up. She finally comes to the gate fuming. She assumes no responsibility for not meeting us where she said she would. I am in the doghouse for the next couple of weeks, because (according to her) I should have known where she went.

Being unable to read her mind to know what she was thinking without her saying it, we ended up in divorce court a year or two later. So the best wife story now is "I no longer have to deal with all that **** anymore."

 

[Henges24]

I'm not married but I get the whole "You're not a mind reader, and now I'm pissed" thing with my GF all the time. If only we could read minds then maybe we would finally be able to understand women. The world would be a better place and it's all of our faults.

 

[Wingman Ray]

Wont compare but these are recent head scratchers

1) Wife rides me all the time for never coming to her work and taking her to lunch. So Weds I show up at her work unannounced as a surprise and am told she just went upstairs on lunch. So they call her down. She is happy to see me which is nice but when I say, "lets go get lunch" she replys "but I have lunch upstairs (the cold leftover chicken from the night before). My eyes boggle a couple of times while I have the deer in the headlight look. She gets the message and quick grabs my arm to leave for lunch.

2) The wife is possibly the worst driver ever. So right after I make the last payment on her car loan, she decides to go through the drive through of this gourmet ice cream pop place. Well she takes out the drivers side passenger door on the metal post in the drive through (scratches and ghetto looking but still functional) then proceeds to ask if she can get a new car now that hers is paid off. Im still boggling over that one.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

My wife knows how to use the internet. So I won't be participating in this thread. God speed, gentlemen.

 

[Bluto]

My wife knows how to use the internet. So I won't be participating in this thread. God speed, gentlemen.

On that note, I'll leave this article here but I sure as hell wouldn't recommend to anyone bringing it to their wife's attention. Lol.

Lesbian Divorce Shocker! | The Daily Caller

"Lesbian Divorce Shocker: Same-sex marriages between women are considerably more likely to end in divorce than either same-sex male marriages or heterosexual marriages, according to a study of Norway and Sweden"

 

[ACamp1900]

Wont compare but these are recent head scratchers

1) Wife rides me all the time for never coming to her work and taking her to lunch. So Weds I show up at her work unannounced as a surprise and am told she just went upstairs on lunch. So they call her down. She is happy to see me which is nice but when I say, "lets go get lunch" she replys "but I have lunch upstairs (the cold leftover chicken from the night before). My eyes boggle a couple of times while I have the deer in the headlight look. She gets the message and quick grabs my arm to leave for lunch.

2) The wife is possibly the worst driver ever. So right after I make the last payment on her car loan, she decides to go through the drive through of this gourmet ice cream pop place. Well she takes out the drivers side passenger door on the metal post in the drive through (scratches and ghetto looking but still functional) then proceeds to ask if she can get a new car now that hers is paid off. Im still boggling over that one.

When this thread started i laughed and thought, "I'm a lucky man, I can't really think of anything," then you posted this...

1.) My wife thinks she's a gps, and has to talk out the directions to every little place all the time... I'm laid back so I let her have that role, except we get lost constantly.. lol

2.) On the lunch thing, my wife and I work for the same school, one of works for the School of Nursing, the other for the School of Education... we actually work in the same building on different floors... She does this thing in regards to lunch, she complains when I go to lunch without her, BUT, the thing is, when I DO ask her to go to lunch with me she has to take time looking for coupons or finding the nutritional readings for the burrito spot down the street online... or even worse, she tries to completely alter where we go according to whatever diet kick she is on at the time... she'll even suggest the most horrid, Satan inspired, food joint on the planet, Panera Bread... soooooo, I avoid asking her to lunch and just grab a damn burrito,... then she acts all butt hurt.

 

[GoldenDomer]

Make sure you log out at home...

 

[RDU Irish]

My wife planned a night out this Saturday. Finally figured out that I don't do anything right and she needs to do it herself if she wants to do something she considers fun. I am still flabbergasted that she took the initiative. 15 years and she finally figured it out.

 

[ACamp1900]

Make sure you log out at home...

See this is where I'm lucky, mine would just laugh...

 

[wizards8507]

On the lunch thing, my wife and I work for the same school, one of works for the School of Nursing, the other for the School of Education...

So are you the male nurse or the schoolmarm?

 

[ACamp1900]

So are you the male nurse or the schoolmarm?

haha, kind of both, I know nothing of nursing, all of my degrees are geared towards education in one way or another... but I manage the student services side of the school of nursing... She has a bunch of business degrees but works for the school of education... go figure.

 

[Bluto]

When this thread started i laughed and thought, "I'm a lucky man, I can't really think of anything," then you posted this...

1.) My wife thinks she's a gps, and has to talk out the directions to every little place all the time... I'm laid back so I let her have that role, except we get lost constantly.. lol

2.) On the lunch thing, my wife and I work for the same school, one of works for the School of Nursing, the other for the School of Education... we actually work in the same building on different floors... She does this thing in regards to lunch, she complains when I go to lunch without her, BUT, the thing is, when I DO ask her to go to lunch with me she has to take time looking for coupons or finding the nutritional readings for the burrito spot down the street online... or even worse, she tries to completely alter where we go according to whatever diet kick she is on at the time... she'll even suggest the most horrid, Satan inspired, food joint on the planet, Panera Bread... soooooo, I avoid asking her to lunch and just grab a damn burrito,... then she acts all butt hurt.

Lol. Based on my experiences the shortest distance between two points for my wife is to circumnavigate the globe.

 

[woolybug25]

So are you the male nurse or the schoolmarm?

Acamp is here to check your temperature...

 

[wizards8507]

Acamp is here to check your temperature...

 

[ulukinatme]

Reps to everyone that has contributed so far.

Ex-Wifes are certainly fair game, don't hold back now!


For anyone that is wary that their wives read IE, I humbly submit that you send me your stories with the names and minor details changed and I'll post the stories for you.

 

[Southside Sully]

If i only had the time to type out all the times I am apparently wrong and do not communicate effectively, especially when planning things to take her into account like a teammate.

 

[tadman95]

We had a fight once, 10 years later I still haven't figured out what I did or didn't do.

Other than that we're good as long as I'm attentive during my quarterly to semi-annual reviews.

 

[Irish#1]

My wife knows how to use the internet. So I won't be participating in this thread. God speed, gentlemen.

Post of the year! Reps

 

[ulukinatme]

My wife has reoccurring dreams, and in them I'm constantly cheating on her in various ways. Usually not in the act, but I'll be leaving her to live with another woman, something like that. Keep in mind that I'm very faithful and I rarely leave the house as it is, much less have given her a reason to think I've cheated.

Anyway, she always wakes up, and she'll look at me with a scowl on her face. "What's wrong?" I ask. She tells the story, and she's obviously mad at me for what I did in her dream. "Honey, you know that was just a dream, right? You're not mad at me for something in a dream, are you?"

Her face says "I don't like your tone."

You can't win

 

[Irish#1]

I put together a 25 year anniversary party at a restaurant years ago. Did I hear "thank you" or even "that was nice"? Nope.........I got yelled at because it was a surprise and I had invited my sisters and their families. My wife does not like my sisters, even 40 years later. lol

 

[RDU Irish]

My wife does the dream blame thing too. I usually don't find out about it until later when I have already been in the crosshairs all day.

Once I said that those dreams are obviously a manifestation of her subconscious recognition of neglecting her wifely duties. At least I earned that death stare.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Friday afternoon last year, I get home from a long week and am ready to take a nap. Wife calls. "My car won't start." I go to her work. The fucking thing is out of gas. End of story.

 

[IrishLax]

I feel like this thread is one giant trap... ulukinatme going for an endless supply of blackmail to extort IE member for vBucks... or sell to Gawker.

 

[ulukinatme]

Friday afternoon last year, I get home from a long week and am ready to take a nap. Wife calls. "My car won't start." I go to her work. The fucking thing is out of gas. End of story.

Gas? Is that how automobiles run?

or

Don't you know it's illegal for women to purchase gas?

I feel like this thread is one giant trap... ulukinatme going for an endless supply of blackmail to extort IE member for vBucks... or sell to Gawker.

No way, I'll be submitting my own here, the one a few posts up is from me. This is a place to commiserate and laugh.

 

[woolybug25]

Friday afternoon last year, I get home from a long week and am ready to take a nap. Wife calls. "My car won't start." I go to her work. The fucking thing is out of gas. End of story.

My sister asked her husband to go in the garage and change the oil in her car. He drained the oil and asked her where the oil was. She said that she hadn't picked any up. So he went back inside to take a shower before going to the hardware store to pick up the oil (he was gonna make a few stops, like the grocery store, hence the shower). She got mad because he couldn't magically create new oil from thin air...

So she got in her car to go get it herself. In the car he just drained all of the oil out of. I'll save you the punchline...

 

[bkess8]

Friday afternoon last year, I get home from a long week and am ready to take a nap. Wife calls. "My car won't start." I go to her work. The fucking thing is out of gas. End of story.

Please God someone rep this man for me!

 

[Old Man Mike]

How about a thread entitled "stupid threads that guys make up about their wives?"

.... I'll let myself out. {Going to see Whiskey to talk football or theology.}

 

[Irish Insanity]

Friday afternoon last year, I get home from a long week and am ready to take a nap. Wife calls. "My car won't start." I go to her work. The fucking thing is out of gas. End of story.

That shits funny.

How about a thread entitled "stupid threads that guys make up about their wives?"

.... I'll let myself out. {Going to see Whiskey to talk football or theology.}

Debbie downer.

 

[goldandblue]

Get the cheating dream thing too. WTF?