Wives and the Stupid **** They Say/Do

[Bishop2b5]

I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but it bugs the hell out of me. My wife won't close stuff, food-wise. She's a coffee fanatic and usually buys rather expensive stuff, but leaves the bag completely open. I've explained that the coffee loses a LOT of its flavor that way, but she says she's in a hurry. Too hurried to take a whopping 3-5 seconds to close the bag??? Half the time when I grab some cheese or sandwich meat or something from the fridge, the package isn't sealed. Bottle of salad dressing or the gallon of milk will have the lid stuck on, but not closed. Same with chips, crackers, cookies, bags of frozen stuff in the freezer... all open to go stale or get freezer burn.

It's like a compulsion to leave crap open, even when it would be just as fast and easy to just close it or put the top on correctly. HOLY &#*!@ we throw a ton of stale, spoiled, freezer burned food out because of it. No bag of chips or cookies ever makes it past a day or two of being opened without being too stale to eat. Every 2 liter bottle of soda goes flat because she won't screw the top all the way back on. I don't get it. I don't understand this inability or lack of effort or whatever the heck it is. I just can not get her to take 15 extra seconds per day to properly close stuff and stop wasting so much food.

 

[irishog77]

I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but it bugs the hell out of me. My wife won't close stuff, food-wise. She's a coffee fanatic and usually buys rather expensive stuff, but leaves the bag completely open. I've explained that the coffee loses a LOT of its flavor that way, but she says she's in a hurry. Too hurried to take a whopping 3-5 seconds to close the bag??? Half the time when I grab some cheese or sandwich meat or something from the fridge, the package isn't sealed. Bottle of salad dressing or the gallon of milk will have the lid stuck on, but not closed. Same with chips, crackers, cookies, bags of frozen stuff in the freezer... all open to go stale or get freezer burn.

It's like a compulsion to leave crap open, even when it would be just as fast and easy to just close it or put the top on correctly. HOLY &#*!@ we throw a ton of stale, spoiled, freezer burned food out because of it. No bag of chips or cookies ever makes it past a day or two of being opened without being too stale to eat. Every 2 liter bottle of soda goes flat because she won't screw the top all the way back on. I don't get it. I don't understand this inability or lack of effort or whatever the heck it is. I just can not get her to take 15 extra seconds per day to properly close stuff and stop wasting so much food.

You should try grounding her for 2 weeks and taking away her phone.

 

[calvegas04]

I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but it bugs the hell out of me. My wife won't close stuff, food-wise. She's a coffee fanatic and usually buys rather expensive stuff, but leaves the bag completely open. I've explained that the coffee loses a LOT of its flavor that way, but she says she's in a hurry. Too hurried to take a whopping 3-5 seconds to close the bag??? Half the time when I grab some cheese or sandwich meat or something from the fridge, the package isn't sealed. Bottle of salad dressing or the gallon of milk will have the lid stuck on, but not closed. Same with chips, crackers, cookies, bags of frozen stuff in the freezer... all open to go stale or get freezer burn.

It's like a compulsion to leave crap open, even when it would be just as fast and easy to just close it or put the top on correctly. HOLY &#*!@ we throw a ton of stale, spoiled, freezer burned food out because of it. No bag of chips or cookies ever makes it past a day or two of being opened without being too stale to eat. Every 2 liter bottle of soda goes flat because she won't screw the top all the way back on. I don't get it. I don't understand this inability or lack of effort or whatever the heck it is. I just can not get her to take 15 extra seconds per day to properly close stuff and stop wasting so much food.

I wouldn't say that is a small thing, I would be contacting a lawyer

 

[Bishop2b5]

You should try grounding her for 2 weeks and taking away her phone.

I prefer to not get grounded myself and her take away my p... well, to not take anything away.

 

[Ndaccountant]

I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but it bugs the hell out of me. My wife won't close stuff, food-wise. She's a coffee fanatic and usually buys rather expensive stuff, but leaves the bag completely open. I've explained that the coffee loses a LOT of its flavor that way, but she says she's in a hurry. Too hurried to take a whopping 3-5 seconds to close the bag??? Half the time when I grab some cheese or sandwich meat or something from the fridge, the package isn't sealed. Bottle of salad dressing or the gallon of milk will have the lid stuck on, but not closed. Same with chips, crackers, cookies, bags of frozen stuff in the freezer... all open to go stale or get freezer burn.

It's like a compulsion to leave crap open, even when it would be just as fast and easy to just close it or put the top on correctly. HOLY &#*!@ we throw a ton of stale, spoiled, freezer burned food out because of it. No bag of chips or cookies ever makes it past a day or two of being opened without being too stale to eat. Every 2 liter bottle of soda goes flat because she won't screw the top all the way back on. I don't get it. I don't understand this inability or lack of effort or whatever the heck it is. I just can not get her to take 15 extra seconds per day to properly close stuff and stop wasting so much food.

My wife used to do something similar, but it was with beverages. She would open up a can/bottle or pour a glass and would end up leaving the room, losing track of it, etc. I would then find it hours later or the next day. Like you, I told her how much we were wasting and while she heard what I was saying, it didn't register. Well, what I did was for one week, I kept everything I found. I wouldn't throw it out or pick up. At the end of the week, I measured it out and pointed out exactly how much was being wasted and tallied up the impact over 1 year. I was careful to come across in a way about trying to minimize waste, environmental impact, setting a good example for the kids, etc. Basically, all the things I know she cares a great deal amount (didn't mention the money to her at all). While it still happens occasionally now, it much less frequent and has improved a great deal.

 

[Irish#1]

I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but it bugs the hell out of me. My wife won't close stuff, food-wise. She's a coffee fanatic and usually buys rather expensive stuff, but leaves the bag completely open. I've explained that the coffee loses a LOT of its flavor that way, but she says she's in a hurry. Too hurried to take a whopping 3-5 seconds to close the bag??? Half the time when I grab some cheese or sandwich meat or something from the fridge, the package isn't sealed. Bottle of salad dressing or the gallon of milk will have the lid stuck on, but not closed. Same with chips, crackers, cookies, bags of frozen stuff in the freezer... all open to go stale or get freezer burn.

It's like a compulsion to leave crap open, even when it would be just as fast and easy to just close it or put the top on correctly. HOLY &#*!@ we throw a ton of stale, spoiled, freezer burned food out because of it. No bag of chips or cookies ever makes it past a day or two of being opened without being too stale to eat. Every 2 liter bottle of soda goes flat because she won't screw the top all the way back on. I don't get it. I don't understand this inability or lack of effort or whatever the heck it is. I just can not get her to take 15 extra seconds per day to properly close stuff and stop wasting so much food.

The way I see it, you have three options.
1. Learn to live with it.
2. Schedule some time everyday to close up everything she left open.
3. Next time the two of you are getting ready to go out, stop when you get to the door. Tell her you'll be right back. Then go close up everything she left open. She'll ask what you were doing and well you can take it from there.

 

[Rasputin]

My wife used to do something similar, but it was with beverages. She would open up a can/bottle or pour a glass and would end up leaving the room, losing track of it, etc. I would then find it hours later or the next day. Like you, I told her how much we were wasting and while she heard what I was saying, it didn't register. Well, what I did was for one week, I kept everything I found. I wouldn't throw it out or pick up. At the end of the week, I measured it out and pointed out exactly how much was being wasted and tallied up the impact over 1 year. I was careful to come across in a way about trying to minimize waste, environmental impact, setting a good example for the kids, etc. Basically, all the things I know she cares a great deal amount (didn't mention the money to her at all). While it still happens occasionally now, it much less frequent and has improved a great deal.

Tell Rasputin you are an accountant without saying you are an accountant.

 

[Rogue219]

My wife, educator:

"If my third period class is any indication of this nation's future, we're absolutely f*cked."

 

[ACamp1900]

I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but it bugs the hell out of me. My wife won't close stuff, food-wise. She's a coffee fanatic and usually buys rather expensive stuff, but leaves the bag completely open. I've explained that the coffee loses a LOT of its flavor that way, but she says she's in a hurry. Too hurried to take a whopping 3-5 seconds to close the bag??? Half the time when I grab some cheese or sandwich meat or something from the fridge, the package isn't sealed. Bottle of salad dressing or the gallon of milk will have the lid stuck on, but not closed. Same with chips, crackers, cookies, bags of frozen stuff in the freezer... all open to go stale or get freezer burn.

It's like a compulsion to leave crap open, even when it would be just as fast and easy to just close it or put the top on correctly. HOLY &#*!@ we throw a ton of stale, spoiled, freezer burned food out because of it. No bag of chips or cookies ever makes it past a day or two of being opened without being too stale to eat. Every 2 liter bottle of soda goes flat because she won't screw the top all the way back on. I don't get it. I don't understand this inability or lack of effort or whatever the heck it is. I just can not get her to take 15 extra seconds per day to properly close stuff and stop wasting so much food.

Yep, you married a white girl,… letting good food spoil or throwing food out??,… my wife would never. It’s extreme in the other direction

 

[Some Irish Bloke]

You should try grounding her for 2 weeks and taking away her phone.

I was going to say leave her, but maybe try this first.

 

[irishog77]

Yep, you married a white girl,… letting good food spoil or throwing food out??,… my wife would never. It’s extreme in the other direction

 

[ACamp1900]

View attachment 3050435

The way our lord and savior Manny Pacquiao intended,…

 

[Irish#1]

View attachment 3050435

You just described us. I go to throw away the leftovers and the Mrs. tells me not to, so they go into the fridge. When I ask her if she wants the leftovers the next day or two, the answer is almost always no.

 

[RDU Irish]

The way I see it, you have three options.
1. Learn to live with it.
2. Schedule some time everyday to close up everything she left open.
3. Next time the two of you are getting ready to go out, stop when you get to the door. Tell her you'll be right back. Then go close up everything she left open. She'll ask what you were doing and well you can take it from there.

Let me adjust #3 for reality. Next time you are sitting in the car for ten minutes wondering WTF she could possibly be doing to ensure you are 15 minutes late for whatever TF you are heading off to.... when she finally gets in the car.....

 

[Bishop2b5]

The leftovers stuff reminded me of a story about my ex-wife. After she and I divorced 20 years ago, we eventually became friends again, and I even became good friends with the guy she dated for a few years. He & I are still friends, in fact. One night my ex & I took our three daughters out to dinner, and her boyfriend went too. After we got back to my ex's house, she was dealing with the to-go boxes she'd brought home, while her boyfriend and I were sitting at the dinner table talking. She announced that she wasn't going to put them in the fridge since they'd just sit there for a week and go bad. Her boyfriend told her to save them and he'd eat them for lunch the next day. She told him, "No you won't. You hate leftovers." He replied, "No I don't. I love leftovers." I couldn't help myself. I instantly said, "Apparently."

Both of them seemed a bit shocked that I'd said it, but they laughed.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Both of them seemed a bit shocked that I'd said it, but they laughed.

 

[Some Irish Bloke]

So me and my girl are coming home from a date night this past weekend, I'm behind the wheel. She's a bit unfamiliar with the exact area but finally recognizes a street I turn on. The area we're in isn't too far from her work, just a little north of there.

She says, "are you taking this to ABC road to get home?"

Me: "No, that's past our house."

her: "How do you figure?"

Me; "Well, I'm taking this to XYZ road. Our street is located (literally smack in the middle) between XYZ and ABC, which are a full mile apart. If we go to ABC, you're driving a half mile past our house, then coming back another half mile to get to our street. that's a full mile you're tacking on to our commute."

Her: "well, ABC road just seems faster."

Me; "well, it's literally not faster."

Frustrated silence.

Me: "wait, so you're telling me everyday, you go to and from work, you're taking ABC instead of XYZ?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "That's a mile per trip, or 2 miles per day, 10 miles per week. That's 520 miles a year you're going out of your way. That's a tank and a half of gas."

More Frustrated silence.

Me: "you're still going to take ABC road, aren't you?"

Her; "Yes."

I mean, wtf. lol

 

[Irish#1]

So me and my girl are coming home from a date night this past weekend, I'm behind the wheel. She's a bit unfamiliar with the exact area but finally recognizes a street I turn on. The area we're in isn't too far from her work, just a little north of there.

She says, "are you taking this to ABC road to get home?"

Me: "No, that's past our house."

her: "How do you figure?"

Me; "Well, I'm taking this to XYZ road. Our street is located (literally smack in the middle) between XYZ and ABC, which are a full mile apart. If we go to ABC, you're driving a half mile past our house, then coming back another half mile to get to our street. that's a full mile you're tacking on to our commute."

Her: "well, ABC road just seems faster."

Me; "well, it's literally not faster."

Frustrated silence.

Me: "wait, so you're telling me everyday, you go to and from work, you're taking ABC instead of XYZ?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "That's a mile per round trip, or 2 miles per day, 10 miles per week. That's 520 miles a year you're going out of your way. That's a tank and a half of gas."

More Frustrated silence.

Me: "you're still going to take ABC road, aren't you?"

Her; "Yes."

I mean, wtf. lol

She might have decided to take the other way if you would have said that's a new pair of shoes you could buy instead of the tank and a half of gas. lol

 

[BeauBenken]

So me and my girl are coming home from a date night this past weekend, I'm behind the wheel. She's a bit unfamiliar with the exact area but finally recognizes a street I turn on. The area we're in isn't too far from her work, just a little north of there.

She says, "are you taking this to ABC road to get home?"

Me: "No, that's past our house."

her: "How do you figure?"

Me; "Well, I'm taking this to XYZ road. Our street is located (literally smack in the middle) between XYZ and ABC, which are a full mile apart. If we go to ABC, you're driving a half mile past our house, then coming back another half mile to get to our street. that's a full mile you're tacking on to our commute."

Her: "well, ABC road just seems faster."

Me; "well, it's literally not faster."

Frustrated silence.

Me: "wait, so you're telling me everyday, you go to and from work, you're taking ABC instead of XYZ?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "That's a mile per round trip, or 2 miles per day, 10 miles per week. That's 520 miles a year you're going out of your way. That's a tank and a half of gas."

More Frustrated silence.

Me: "you're still going to take ABC road, aren't you?"

Her; "Yes."

I mean, wtf. lol

Makes me think of those times you're using Google Maps and it just lets you know that you could take a 20 minute detour by doing a lap around some random neighborhood and getting right back on the road you're on...ya know, if you feel like it.

 

[NDdomer2]

sometimes you just gotta be happy they come back home to ya

 

[Irish#1]

Makes me think of those times you're using Google Maps and it just lets you know that you could take a 20 minute detour by doing a lap around some random neighborhood and getting right back on the road you're on...ya know, if you feel like it.

You made me think about my old Garmin. About fifteen years ago a co-worker and I had to make a trip to Grand Haven Michigan. That night we went to Grand Rapids to meet a guy for dinner. After dinner I plugged the hotel address in the Garmin to head back. We had circled the area three times before we realized the Garmin was sending us in a circle.

 

[irishog77]

You made me think about my old Garmin. About fifteen years ago a co-worker and I had to make a trip to Grand Haven Michigan. That night we went to Grand Rapids to meet a guy for dinner. After dinner I plugged the hotel address in the Garmin to head back. We had circled the area three times before we realized the Garmin was sending us in a circle.

Waze has consistently been giving me longer routes for 6+ months.
Not only have they altered consistent routes I take, but they’ve thrown out some real headscratchers on new routes. Pretty frustrating when I proceed back to their old recommended route from months/years ago, and my ETA drops 2-7 minutes.

 

[ulukinatme]

Waze has consistently been giving me longer routes for 6+ months.
Not only have they altered consistent routes I take, but they’ve thrown out some real headscratchers on new routes. Pretty frustrating when I proceed back to their old recommended route from months/years ago, and my ETA drops 2-7 minutes.

 

[Bishop2b5]

A little necessary background first. In the early 2000's, years before I met her, my wife was working at The Grand Canyon when Paul McCartney and his soon-to-be wife Heather Mills visited. Mills was the model who'd had one of her legs amputated below the knee after being injured in a wreck a few years before. My wife got to meet McCartney and spend a few minutes with him, and has always sworn that he definitely gave her the once over and smiled at her. She was a very attractive 27-year-old blonde at the time, so I'm sure he did. However, her version has "evolved" over the years with her jokingly claiming that he leered at her, drooled over her, couldn't take his eyes off her, etc., etc. So...

She recently took on a 4-month assignment to supervise the administration and budgets of a group of four national parks who've gotten off track and whose budgets and administrative departments are a mess. A couple of weeks ago she went on a two day trip to visit three of the parks. When she got back, she was telling me what a mess they were and that they seemed glad to have her help. This soon devolved into a hyper-facetious, smack talking comedy routine of her telling me they looked at her as some sort of god descended from the heavens to save them. When I asked her how she managed to get anything done with so much worship and adoration coming her way, she explained that she had so much experience being worshipped and adored, that it was easy. I told her that her modesty knew no bounds and that I thought she was too pretty for this job. She jokingly agreed and then said, "Oh, I've always been too smart and too pretty, but I'm so used to everyone saying it that I don't even notice much anymore. It's like that time Paul McCartney couldn't take his eyes off of me."

I immediately said, "Bitch! You couldn't steal an old man from a one-legged English girl with bad teeth!"

 

[Irish#1]

A little necessary background first. In the early 2000's, years before I met her, my wife was working at The Grand Canyon when Paul McCartney and his soon-to-be wife Heather Mills visited. Mills was the model who'd had one of her legs amputated below the knee after being injured in a wreck a few years before. My wife got to meet McCartney and spend a few minutes with him, and has always sworn that he definitely gave her the once over and smiled at her. She was a very attractive 27-year-old blonde at the time, so I'm sure he did. However, her version has "evolved" over the years with her jokingly claiming that he leered at her, drooled over her, couldn't take his eyes off her, etc., etc. So...

She recently took on a 4-month assignment to supervise the administration and budgets of a group of four national parks who've gotten off track and whose budgets and administrative departments are a mess. A couple of weeks ago she went on a two day trip to visit three of the parks. When she got back, she was telling me what a mess they were and that they seemed glad to have her help. This soon devolved into a hyper-facetious, smack talking comedy routine of her telling me they looked at her as some sort of god descended from the heavens to save them. When I asked her how she managed to get anything done with so much worship and adoration coming her way, she explained that she had so much experience being worshipped and adored, that it was easy. I told her that her modesty knew no bounds and that I thought she was too pretty for this job. She jokingly agreed and then said, "Oh, I've always been too smart and too pretty, but I'm so used to everyone saying it that I don't even notice much anymore. It's like that time Paul McCartney couldn't take his eyes off of me."

I immediately said, "Bitch! You couldn't steal an old man from a one-legged English girl with bad teeth!"

I hope she doesn’t read that. Lol

 

[ulukinatme]

A little necessary background first. In the early 2000's, years before I met her, my wife was working at The Grand Canyon when Paul McCartney and his soon-to-be wife Heather Mills visited. Mills was the model who'd had one of her legs amputated below the knee after being injured in a wreck a few years before. My wife got to meet McCartney and spend a few minutes with him, and has always sworn that he definitely gave her the once over and smiled at her. She was a very attractive 27-year-old blonde at the time, so I'm sure he did. However, her version has "evolved" over the years with her jokingly claiming that he leered at her, drooled over her, couldn't take his eyes off her, etc., etc. So...

She recently took on a 4-month assignment to supervise the administration and budgets of a group of four national parks who've gotten off track and whose budgets and administrative departments are a mess. A couple of weeks ago she went on a two day trip to visit three of the parks. When she got back, she was telling me what a mess they were and that they seemed glad to have her help. This soon devolved into a hyper-facetious, smack talking comedy routine of her telling me they looked at her as some sort of god descended from the heavens to save them. When I asked her how she managed to get anything done with so much worship and adoration coming her way, she explained that she had so much experience being worshipped and adored, that it was easy. I told her that her modesty knew no bounds and that I thought she was too pretty for this job. She jokingly agreed and then said, "Oh, I've always been too smart and too pretty, but I'm so used to everyone saying it that I don't even notice much anymore. It's like that time Paul McCartney couldn't take his eyes off of me."

I immediately said, "Bitch! You couldn't steal an old man from a one-legged English girl with bad teeth!"

The setup was worth it to get to that last line!

 

[IrishLion]

My wife is mad at me today because I tried to cheat on her with another woman...


in a dream she had.

 

[Ndaccountant]

My wife is mad at me today because I tried to cheat on her with another woman...


in a dream she had.

lol. This reminds me of something. My wife and I have always joked around with the 1 hall pass for a celebrity. Well, just like you, I was the target of my wife's scorn for behavior in a dream. A few weeks later, I actually had a dream that I had a chance to cash in my hall pass, but just couldn't get myself to do it. I actually felt good about it and shared it with my wife the next morning, but pretended to be pissed at her for taking away my imaginative hall pass in my dream. I ended up in the guest room that night.

 

[Irish#1]

My wife is mad at me today because I tried to cheat on her with another woman...


in a dream she had.

Welcome to the club.

 

[Some Irish Bloke]

lol. This reminds me of something. My wife and I have always joked around with the 1 hall pass for a celebrity. Well, just like you, I was the target of my wife's scorn for behavior in a dream. A few weeks later, I actually had a dream that I had a chance to cash in my hall pass, but just couldn't get myself to do it. I actually felt good about it and shared it with my wife the next morning, but pretended to be pissed at her for taking away my imaginative hall pass in my dream. I ended up in the guest room that night.

This is all I have to do to get my own bed for a night?