Wives and the Stupid **** They Say/Do

[dshans]

Of course it was your fault. She only suggested you buy it.

When is it ever safe to take a wife's " suggestion" as anything other than a command?

 

[ACamp1900]

When is it ever safe to take a wife's " suggestion" as anything other than a command?

Only after you balls drop....

 

[ACamp1900]

So, my lady grew up an Army brat in Japan, graduating class of a couple dozen, no sports, nothing.

I grew up in So Cal, one of the biggest graduating classes ever and sports was a huge deal.

Sooo, last Friday night was my high schools huge rivalry game ( ranked among top 100 in the country), big deal... for the first time, I take her along. My high school has a chant, 'V-High!!...V-High!!'. We get killed unfortunately but me and all my classmates are there chanting all night (there were a lot of us, meaning specifically from my class, oddly).

Just tonight, a week later, my wife finally lays it on me. 'I had a blast babe and want to go to more games but idk if we should take the girls with us in the future.' Now my high school is in a pretty rough area, I saw students hitting blunts in the bathroom at the game last Friday and wasn't surprised, there were fights in the stands, major police presence so my mind goes to that, 'Yeah, I get it considering what's going on there now with the current students.' She comes back with, 'It really wasn't the kids, it was everyone, including you and your classmates... I mean even for a Cali school I can't believe y'all get away with chanting, "Be-High!" in public... I mean geez, that's bad."

.......

 

[Bishop2b5]

When my dad passed away 3 years ago, one of the things I got was his Craftsman tool set... a gajillion wrenches, sockets, ratchets, hex sets - the whole nine yards, and all neatly sorted and in their place in the plastic cases. I told my wife she could use them, but only if she always immediately put anything she used back in its spot in the case so that she didn't get them all jumbled up or lose something. Yeah, right.

My brother's in town this week and needs to use my tools. Calls me at work and lets me know that he found my tools scattered all over my wife's office, completely out of place, found some of the stuff in the kitchen and some in the basement where she'd put a table together, some on the deck where she'd been working on a project, one socket on the ground under the deck, and he never did find 2 of my wrenches.

This is the same woman who lost every single hammer I owned in a single year, has lost 2 car jacks, every single key to our house, a dozen pairs of sunglasses, the spare keys to two of our cars, the jumper cables from my car, countless phone/tablet chargers, my kitchen shears, and a hundred other things. Now my flippin' tools. All of this is going to come out at my murder trial.

 

[ulukinatme]

When my dad passed away 3 years ago, one of the things I got was his Craftsman tool set... a gajillion wrenches, sockets, ratchets, hex sets - the whole nine yards, and all neatly sorted and in their place in the plastic cases. I told my wife she could use them, but only if she always immediately put anything she used back in its spot in the case so that she didn't get them all jumbled up or lose something. Yeah, right.

My brother's in town this week and needs to use my tools. Calls me at work and lets me know that he found my tools scattered all over my wife's office, completely out of place, found some of the stuff in the kitchen and some in the basement where she'd put a table together, some on the deck where she'd been working on a project, one socket on the ground under the deck, and he never did find 2 of my wrenches.

This is the same woman who lost every single hammer I owned in a single year, has lost 2 car jacks, every single key to our house, a dozen pairs of sunglasses, the spare keys to two of our cars, the jumper cables from my car, countless phone/tablet chargers, my kitchen shears, and a hundred other things. Now my flippin' tools. All of this is going to come out at my murder trial.

I think I married your wife's sister.

Reps to you and ACamp

 

[ulukinatme]

This one isn't mine, but I had to share. So, on the Shag there's a poster named Mitch Cumsteen, and his wife is notorious. She's the kind that is constantly hitting yard sales and picking up quirky decorations or just random crap they don't need...to a point that she can be considered a certifiable hoarder. Another poster on the site began complaining about his wife's hoarding, to which Mitch responded:

Do you know who the hell I am?

We got a dog a few months ago. I'm sitting in my dining room right now looking at a wreath made of rawhide bones.

 

[ACamp1900]

o, on the Shag there's a poster named Mitch Cumsteen......

Dude.. lol

 

[Irish#1]

When my dad passed away 3 years ago, one of the things I got was his Craftsman tool set... a gajillion wrenches, sockets, ratchets, hex sets - the whole nine yards, and all neatly sorted and in their place in the plastic cases. I told my wife she could use them, but only if she always immediately put anything she used back in its spot in the case so that she didn't get them all jumbled up or lose something. Yeah, right.

My brother's in town this week and needs to use my tools. Calls me at work and lets me know that he found my tools scattered all over my wife's office, completely out of place, found some of the stuff in the kitchen and some in the basement where she'd put a table together, some on the deck where she'd been working on a project, one socket on the ground under the deck, and he never did find 2 of my wrenches.

This is the same woman who lost every single hammer I owned in a single year, has lost 2 car jacks, every single key to our house, a dozen pairs of sunglasses, the spare keys to two of our cars, the jumper cables from my car, countless phone/tablet chargers, my kitchen shears, and a hundred other things. Now my flippin' tools. All of this is going to come out at my murder trial.

My wife is bad about the same things. About 10-12 years ago, I bought a very nice multi-level lockable tool chest and locked mine up. I then bought her a basic set of cheap tools and gave them to her. Once she lost hers, she started complaining that she couldn't get into the tool chest. Even with her complaints, I resisted giving in. After close to a year of no free tool access, she finally learned her lesson and now puts my tools back where they belong. She still misplaces her artist paints and stuff she uses for her craft projects, but not my tools.

 

[Irish#1]

As some of you know, I've bred and raised dogs since around 1990. I purchased a fairly expensive ($300) training collar for my dogs about a year and a half ago. It has two collars, different levels of intensity, one transmitter for both collars and works up to a mile away.

One of our two dogs is still young (18 months) and still has some pup left in her. I had to drop the older dog off at the vets in the morning, so I put the training collar on the young one before I left. I'm leaving at 6:00 and my wife is still in bed. I wake her and hand her the transmitter, telling her the young one may do a lot of whining once I leave with the other dog and this would be a good time to correct that behavior is she whines or barks too much.

I come home later that day and can't find the transmitter. The wife can't remember where she had it last, but claims she always puts it in the same place. Over a week goes by and I still can't find it. I turn the house upside down, looking under furniture, nooks and crannies, etc. Everytime I ask here to remember, she gets defensive like its my fault it's missing. I finally decide to order a replacement transmitter ($150). Today after missing for close to two weeks, guess what shows up?! She sent me a text saying she found it in her coat pocket and also adds that she told me to look in her coat and if I would have, I wouldn't have spent the money on a replacement. Fortunately, I can send it back for a refund, but you know it's still my fault it went missing. lol

 

[ulukinatme]

Good stuff!

Reminds me of a far less expensive addition to our home. Last year my wife had me install these magnetic locks on our kitchen drawers because our Autistic son won't stay out of them and we keep missing utensils. She bought two magnet keys for the locks, despite my urging that this whole system banks on the fact we're NOT going to lose said magnet keys or destroy them in some way. Sure enough within the first month she managed to drop or leave one of the magnets near a hot baking pan, it attached itself and melted to a point that it was no longer functioning. The remaining magnet tends to go missing every week or two at least because she often doesn't attach it high enough on the frig to keep it out of the reach of our son....who also likes magnets.

 

[Irish#1]

Good stuff!

Reminds me of a far less expensive addition to our home. Last year my wife had me install these magnetic locks on our kitchen drawers because our Autistic son won't stay out of them and we keep missing utensils. She bought two magnet keys for the locks, despite my urging that this whole system banks on the fact we're NOT going to lose said magnet keys or destroy them in some way. Sure enough within the first month she managed to drop or leave one of the magnets near a hot baking pan, it attached itself and melted to a point that it was no longer functioning. The remaining magnet tends to go missing every week or two at least because she often doesn't attach it high enough on the frig to keep it out of the reach of our son....who also likes magnets.

lol

 

[IrishLax]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ladies and Gentlemen: the most maddening game of tic tac toe you will ever watch, set to the tune of Yakety Sax <a href="https://t.co/tS8Z9FTv04">pic.twitter.com/tS8Z9FTv04</a></p>— NBC Sports Northwest (@NBCSNorthwest) <a href="https://twitter.com/NBCSNorthwest/status/961834056907304960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 9, 2018</a></blockquote>
<script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Posted here because they will be wives to someone, someday and I want their husbands to know they're welcome in this thread whenever they need to share.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ladies and Gentlemen: the most maddening game of tic tac toe you will ever watch, set to the tune of Yakety Sax <a href="https://t.co/tS8Z9FTv04">pic.twitter.com/tS8Z9FTv04</a></p>— NBC Sports Northwest (@NBCSNorthwest) <a href="https://twitter.com/NBCSNorthwest/status/961834056907304960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 9, 2018</a></blockquote>
<script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Posted here because they will be wives to someone, someday and I want their husbands to know they're welcome in this thread whenever they need to share.

Bless her heart.

 

[NDdomer2]

lol put us out of our misery

 

[nlroma1o]

My wife just broke my beloved Keystone Light pint glass this morning..... I bought it at the end of the Coors Brewery Tour in Golden about 9 years ago.... She always hated that thing and swears it was an accident.... But I feel like the Old Man from A Christmas Story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuCT8qk4c5I

 

[ACamp1900]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ladies and Gentlemen: the most maddening game of tic tac toe you will ever watch, set to the tune of Yakety Sax <a href="https://t.co/tS8Z9FTv04">pic.twitter.com/tS8Z9FTv04</a></p>— NBC Sports Northwest (@NBCSNorthwest) <a href="https://twitter.com/NBCSNorthwest/status/961834056907304960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 9, 2018</a></blockquote>
<script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Posted here because they will be wives to someone, someday and I want their husbands to know they're welcome in this thread whenever they need to share.

I just... wow...

 

[IrishLion]

Those nice young ladies obviously didn't play enough table games at restaurants while growing up.

I learned flawless strategies for Tic-Tac-Toe, The Box Game, and even Quarter Football on the battle-hardened tables of Frisch's Big Boy and Perkins while growing up.

It is ancient, glorious wisdom that I will pass to my children, and they to their children after that, so on and so forth, until my progeny rule the world one day, conquering the dystopian cities of the future with their skill in games of strategy.

 

[zelezo vlk]

Those nice young ladies obviously didn't play enough table games at restaurants while growing up.

I learned flawless strategies for Tic-Tac-Toe, The Box Game, and even Quarter Football on the battle-hardened tables of Frisch's Big Boy and Perkins while growing up.

It is ancient, glorious wisdom that I will pass to my children, and they to their children after that, so on and so forth, until my progeny rule the world one day, conquering the dystopian cities of the future with their skill in games of strategy.

Ah, interesting parenting strategy. If I'm blessed with kids one day, I'm gonna teach them how to beat up nerds like your kids; I think it'll be much more valuable in the Thunderdome that will be America post-2018

 

[ulukinatme]

My wife just broke my beloved Keystone Light pint glass this morning..... I bought it at the end of the Coors Brewery Tour in Golden about 9 years ago.... She always hated that thing and swears it was an accident.... But I feel like the Old Man from A Christmas Story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuCT8qk4c5I

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QuCT8qk4c5I" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

You used up all the glue on purpose!

Those nice young ladies obviously didn't play enough table games at restaurants while growing up.

I learned flawless strategies for Tic-Tac-Toe, The Box Game, and even Quarter Football on the battle-hardened tables of Frisch's Big Boy and Perkins while growing up.

It is ancient, glorious wisdom that I will pass to my children, and they to their children after that, so on and so forth, until my progeny rule the world one day, conquering the dystopian cities of the future with their skill in games of strategy.

Ahh, but did you master the Triangle Tee game at Cracker Barrel?!

 

[GowerND11]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QuCT8qk4c5I" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

You used up all the glue on purpose!



Ahh, but did you master the Triangle Tee game at Cracker Barrel?!

Or is he an ignoramus?

 

[IrishLion]

Ah, interesting parenting strategy. If I'm blessed with kids one day, I'm gonna teach them how to beat up nerds like your kids; I think it'll be much more valuable in the Thunderdome that will be America post-2018

See, that's where you have it wrong... Thunderdome America will have learned from the mistakes that made it the way it was.

Rather than fighting battles hand-to-hand and spilling blood for the sake of clean drinking water, the glorious nerds will rise up and make sure everyone knows that games of strategy and chance are much more clean and morally sound.

The sons of my sons will defeat the Tyrant of Old New York in a glorious war of The Peg Game, Brought to You by the Ashes of Cracker Barrel. My son's son will leave just one peg, claiming the moniker of "Supreme Genius," while the Tyrant of Old New York will leave two, relegating himself to just "purty smart."

The Tyrant's forces will withdraw from the remains of the city, and my children's children will rebuild America, starting on the eastern seaboard in their newly acquired New York territory, and then re-taking America along the corpses of the major highways one run-down city and one destroyed Cracker Barrel at a time.

The Dinner-Mat Maze Battle when they reach the Emperor of the New West will be a real doozy. Don't know if they get out of that one or not.

 

[ulukinatme]

See, that's where you have it wrong... Thunderdome America will have learned from the mistakes that made it the way it was.

Rather than fighting battles hand-to-hand and spilling blood for the sake of clean drinking water, the glorious nerds will rise up and make sure everyone knows that games of strategy and chance are much more clean and morally sound.

The sons of my sons will defeat the Tyrant of Old New York in a glorious war of The Peg Game, Brought to You by the Ashes of Cracker Barrel. My son will leave just one peg, claiming the moniker of "Supreme Genius," while the Tyrant of Old New York will leave two, relegating himself to just "purty smart."

The Tyrant's forces will withdraw from the remains of the city, and my children's children will rebuild America, starting on the eastern seaboard in their newly acquired New York territory, and then re-taking America along the corpses of the major highways one run-down city and one destroyed Cracker Barrel at a time.

The Dinner-Mat Maze Battle when they reach the Emperor of the New West will be a real doozy. Don't know if they get out of that one or not.

Idiocracy has already shown that nerds will breed (Or lack thereof) themselves out of existence in an apocalyptic future.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YwZ0ZUy7P3E" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[IrishLion]

Idiocracy has already shown that nerds will breed (Or lack thereof) themselves out of existence in an apocalyptic future.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YwZ0ZUy7P3E" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Idiocracy is just fan-fiction, crafted by the brutes that were left behind by my apocalyptic society. They kidnapped a nerd who had invented a viable time-travel machine, and sent their idea of the "future" to Hollywood. Don't believe in it.

 

[ACamp1900]

Ahh, but did you master the Triangle Tee game at Cracker Barrel?!

The first Cracker Barrel in Cali just opened up across the street from my work... what they didn't know was the town they decided put this thing in is home to one of the best family owned local breakfast restaurant chains ever, CB will really have to go some to impress me. I'll go over there at some point but I'm kind of expecting Denny's with a cool gift shop...

 

[IrishLion]

The first Cracker Barrel in Cali just opened up across the street from my work... what they didn't know was the town they decided put this thing in is home to one of the best family owned local breakfast restaurant chains ever, CB will really have to go some to impress me. I'll go over there at some point but I'm kind of expecting Denny's with a cool gift shop...

Cracker Barrel is a legit take on home-cooking, IMO. It's not as good as the real thing, but it'll do. If you order bacon, you'll get crispy bacon. If you order pancakes, you'll get big, hot, fluffy pancakes.

None of that rubber bacon or cardboard pancake you get at Denny's.

 

[ulukinatme]

The first Cracker Barrel in Cali just opened up across the street from my work... what they didn't know was the town they decided put this thing in is home to one of the best family owned local breakfast restaurant chains ever, CB will really have to go some to impress me. I'll go over there at some point but I'm kind of expecting Denny's with a cool gift shop...

That's a somewhat fair assessment, but I would say CB food is just a bit better than Denny's at least. It's not fine dining or 5 stars, but it's definitely similar in scope.

 

[ulukinatme]

Idiocracy is just fan-fiction, crafted by the brutes that were left behind by my apocalyptic society. They kidnapped a nerd who had invented a viable time-travel machine, and sent their idea of the "future" to Hollywood. Don't believe in it.

I'll read this as soon as I get out of the delivery room. Brute #11 is on his way, ready to give your kid wedgies.

 

[Irish#1]

That's a somewhat fair assessment, but I would say CB food is just a bit better than Denny's at least. It's not fine dining or 5 stars, but it's definitely similar in scope.

My wife is a big fan of CB. It's definitely better than Denny's but the quality has went down the last few years IMO.

 

[Bishop2b5]

My brother got me a '58 replica Les Paul for my b'day a couple of weeks ago. It looks & sounds like Billy Gibbons and Duane Allman had a love child and Jimmy Page performed the delivery. I was playing it last night and my wife walked through the room and asked, "Don't you know how to play anything besides blues or Zeppelin or ZZ Top?" I didn't know there was anything else. That's gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard my wife say to me.

She doesn't like The Beatles and calls them The Bugs. She actually asked me to learn a Phil Collins song one time. She thinks Britney Spears is great. She loses my tools. Dislikes the Jackson Five but loves her some white woman era Michael. Now she's dragged Billy Gibbons and my guitars into it. She's gonna say something about my mama's cooking one day and I'm gonna end up on the evening news.

 

[ACamp1900]

Who dafaq doesn't like the Jackson 5?? Lol