Wives and the Stupid **** They Say/Do

[Bishop2b5]

Who dafaq doesn't like the Jackson 5?? Lol

I know, right?

 

[zelezo vlk]

My brother got me a '58 replica Les Paul for my b'day a couple of weeks ago. It looks & sounds like Billy Gibbons and Duane Allman had a love child and Jimmy Page performed the delivery. I was playing it last night and my wife walked through the room and asked, "Don't you know how to play anything besides blues or Zeppelin or ZZ Top?" I didn't know there was anything else. That's gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard my wife say to me.

She doesn't like The Beatles and calls them The Bugs. She actually asked me to learn a Phil Collins song one time. She thinks Britney Spears is great. She loses my tools. Dislikes the Jackson Five but loves her some white woman era Michael. Now she's dragged Billy Gibbons and my guitars into it. She's gonna say something about my mama's cooking one day and I'm gonna end up on the evening news.

I thought your wife got you a Les Paul last year? How many are you hoarding??

 

[ACamp1900]

I know, right?

I Want You Back may have the greatest beginning to any song ever...how anyone can hear that and not instantly feel good is beyond me. Women....

 

[Bishop2b5]

I thought your wife got you a Les Paul last year? How many are you hoarding??

Don't start with me! I'm not the one with the problem. YOU'RE the one with the problem!


Yes, my wife bought me a Gibson Custom Shop '59 replica Les Paul in March of 2016. I've bought a few more since... not Custom Shops, but regular Gibsons and Epiphones (Epi is owned by Gibson and builds virtually exact copies of the top-end Gibsons for a fraction of the price). The one my brother got me for my b'day is a 2017 Gibson Traditional T (basically a Custom Shop '58 without the name and price tag) that I'd been drooling over for months and it was available for barely half the normal price due to being a 2017. I have 7 Les Pauls total (and a Strat). All have different pickups and/or different construction - solid mahogany body ('57 replicas) vs mahogany with a maple cap (all the others), and different necks. I'm a guitar junkie. Don't judge me.

 

[Bishop2b5]

I Want You Back may have the greatest beginning to any song ever...how anyone can hear that and not instantly feel good is beyond me. Women....

For real. One of my all-time top 25 favs. It's my go-to pick me up song. I've been teaching my 6-year-old daughter to sing it. She really gets into it and puts on a show... and then my uncultured wife tells her, "After Daddy teaches you to sing caveman songs, I'll teach you to sing Smooth Criminal."

 

[dshans]

Who dafaq doesn't like the Jackson 5?? Lol

Well ... me for one. And I've been around for a long, long while.

"ABC, 123
Get the hell away from me!"

I much preferred Weird Al's parody, "Eat It."

 

[Circa]

I think Cack may be this month's leader after that story.

So, last night I was out with my daughter doing some last minute Christmas shopping, my wife is home with the boys. I get a call from the wife. Apparently we got a Christmas card from one of my good buddies, who just got married last year. I was in the wedding party, and he sent me two photos, both of which are me entering the reception with one of the bridesmaids, but I haven't seen the pictures yet so I don't know. She didn't go to the wedding, she stayed home with the kids.

Her: "Who is this bitch you're dancing with?"
I'm thinking back...no, didn't dance with anyone, spent the whole night at the table drinking with one of my other buddies. Plus, I know she can be insecure and I'm not even going to dance with a bridesmaid for fear of waking up without my testicles someday.
Me: "I don't think I danced with anyone, sweetie. It's probably the reception entrance, I sat at the table all night just drinking with Josh."
Her: "Really? It looks like you're dancing with this bitch." (Despite the fact you can clearly see the bride and groom behind us once I finally see the pictures).
She chats a bit more, cussing under her breath at our boys because they're up to no good, she clearly seems like she's a bit annoyed. I eventually get her to hang up.

Come home, I'm a bit annoyed with the previous call at this point cause it feels like an accusation that was unwarranted. She asks what's wrong, I lovingly put my hands on her shoulders.
Me: "Hey, I know you're a little insecure sometimes, but you know I wouldn't do anything stupid, not even as much as a dance at a wedding. You don't have anything to worry about, so please don't throw out accusations like that."
Tone. Now she's pissed. She claims she was just joking, but I know this woman, she was not happy to see these pictures. I decide to go ahead and apologize because it's Christmas and I don't need this shit, but the night is ruined she says. We were supposed to watch Christmas movies with the kids, but she decides she has some last minute shopping to do and she heads out the door. I put the kids to bed, got drunk, and went to bed myself.

Sounds like she may be hiding a thing or two herself. Don't underestimate a jealous partner

 

[ACamp1900]

I think Cack may be this month's leader after that story.

So, last night I was out with my daughter doing some last minute Christmas shopping, my wife is home with the boys. I get a call from the wife. Apparently we got a Christmas card from one of my good buddies, who just got married last year. I was in the wedding party, and he sent me two photos, both of which are me entering the reception with one of the bridesmaids, but I haven't seen the pictures yet so I don't know. She didn't go to the wedding, she stayed home with the kids.

Her: "Who is this bitch you're dancing with?"
I'm thinking back...no, didn't dance with anyone, spent the whole night at the table drinking with one of my other buddies. Plus, I know she can be insecure and I'm not even going to dance with a bridesmaid for fear of waking up without my testicles someday.
Me: "I don't think I danced with anyone, sweetie. It's probably the reception entrance, I sat at the table all night just drinking with Josh."
Her: "Really? It looks like you're dancing with this bitch." (Despite the fact you can clearly see the bride and groom behind us once I finally see the pictures).
She chats a bit more, cussing under her breath at our boys because they're up to no good, she clearly seems like she's a bit annoyed. I eventually get her to hang up.

Come home, I'm a bit annoyed with the previous call at this point cause it feels like an accusation that was unwarranted. She asks what's wrong, I lovingly put my hands on her shoulders.
Me: "Hey, I know you're a little insecure sometimes, but you know I wouldn't do anything stupid, not even as much as a dance at a wedding. You don't have anything to worry about, so please don't throw out accusations like that."
Tone. Now she's pissed. She claims she was just joking, but I know this woman, she was not happy to see these pictures. I decide to go ahead and apologize because it's Christmas and I don't need this shit, but the night is ruined she says. We were supposed to watch Christmas movies with the kids, but she decides she has some last minute shopping to do and she heads out the door. I put the kids to bed, got drunk, and went to bed myself.

My wife would have been like, 'Who's this nice looking girl you're failing to get with in this picture you little bitch???'

 

[Circa]

My wife would have been like, 'Who's this nice looking girl you're failing to get with in this picture you little bitch???'

That is funny.. almost guaranteed a difference in self-esteem. and or age.

 

[ACamp1900]

That is funny.. almost guaranteed a difference in self-esteem. and or age.

Nah, difference in race.... lol

 

[Circa]

Here's a good one for ya.

We just spent $85 to get the front end aligned on the wife's Highlander. The guy at the garage told her that we should get new tires before getting the alignment. Instead of buying new tires, she goes to a place that sells used tires and gets the alignment done. The guy told her that the "new" tires she bought are even worse than the tires we had on there before. There's $100 down the tubes for the "new" tires. Now she complains that the car drives like shit and wants to get new tires. We go out and spend $300 on the new tires, and the car still drives like shit.

Yep! You guessed it!

It needs another front end alignment.

Mind completely blew. Why is your wife making decisions like this unless you aren't aware of the problems that have occured since........ Did Ford make an assembly line?

 

[zelezo vlk]

Mind completely blew. Why is your wife making decisions like this unless you aren't aware of the problems that have occured since........ Did Ford make an assembly line?

I am completely useless when it comes to cars (or anything really). It's so helpful to have a car guy you trust.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

 

[Circa]

I am completely useless when it comes to cars (or anything really). It's so helpful to have a car guy you trust.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

I'll crawl back into my lil hole. Sometimes I hink I'm smarter than I really am..

 

[ACamp1900]

I am completely useless...
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Focus on what matters...

 

[BobbyMac]

So the the boss comes home last week and asks, "Do you know of a Desmond that played football at ASU or the Cardinals or something? He's from Pittsburgh. He's pretty small, maybe he's a kicker?"

The only thing I could think of is Desmond King but why would he live in Scottsdale in the off season when he plays for the Chargers? Anyways, I shrug it off.

So this morning she's looking over her scheduling as we're talking about a vacation and she says, Oh here's the guy I was telling you about, his name is Demond, not Desmond. I'm like Demond Sanders? "Yeah, so you know who he is?" I'm like, Yeah... and so does all of your nephews."

My chickee graduated from IU Dental and all of her fam followed her down to Carmel/Nobletucky in the early 90's. I then told her to text her nephews and tell them Bob Sanders is her patient. I'm expecting lots of jerseys to be rolling in soon.

So I'll be scheduled in the slot before Bob Sanders - the kicker's follow up.

My woman...

 

[Irish#1]

Pretty sure I've told this one before, but it's worth repeating.

Back in the 80's my wife worked in accounting for a video production company. They would distribute specialty videos. One of the videos was titled "Pinstripe Power" and chronicled the '61 Yankees. She gets a call from the Yankees. This guy is pissed because he's getting a bill from their company. He wants to know why they aren't sending him a check. She explains there was the production fees to create the videos and given it had only been a couple of weeks, only a handful of videos had sold. Not being satisfied, he demands to speak to her manager, so she passes him a long. He manager comes to her a little later and tells her if he calls again, transfer them to her right away. She comes home that night and asks if I know who George Steinbrenner is! lol

 

[ulukinatme]

Classics! Reps, guys.

 

[NDdomer2]

My wife tells me the other day July 4th is on the 11th....

 

[NDdomer2]

My wife tells me the other day July 4th is on the 11th....

 

[Henges24]

My wife just sent me a text in dismay that the Jerry Springer show was cancelled. I told her at least she still has Maury.

 

[ACamp1900]

Celebrating my ten year today... and... this is the second vaca/trip this year where my wife chugged red wine like water and got so drunk she basically ruined the whole trip... did the same thing in Vegas earlier this year where we had to pass on a 50 dollar per person prepaid buffet bc she couldn’t function........ she’s not a drunk or heavy drinker but when she gets excited on vaca, damn, gonna have to have a strong talk. Hoping my she’s good for my Angel game in a couple hours.

 

[ulukinatme]

Congrats, make tomorrow better and laugh about it later.

 

[Irish#1]

Celebrating my ten year today... and... this is the second vaca/trip this year where my wife chugged red wine like water and got so drunk she basically ruined the whole trip... did the same thing in Vegas earlier this year where we had to pass on a 50 dollar per person prepaid buffet bc she couldn’t function........ she’s not a drunk or heavy drinker but when she gets excited on vaca, damn, gonna have to have a strong talk. Hoping my she’s good for my Angel game in a couple hours.

There you go, only thinking about yourself again.

 

[ACamp1900]

She made it strong to the game, we met the pregame staff including Mark Gubiza of Royals fame... we were on tv in the post game (my third time being on TV at Angels Stadium, I have a knack I guess) Halos won... great night.

 

[ShakeDown]

Congrats ACamp! Ten years already. That’s wild.

My wife made the bone head move of getting pregnant. AGAIN.

#2 in the tube while #1 is just 6mo folks. Pray for me.

 

[dshans]

Congrats ACamp! Ten years already. That’s wild.

My wife made the bone head move of getting pregnant. AGAIN.

#2 in the tube while #1 is just 6mo folks. Pray for me.

Seems to me that your "bone head" may have played some part in this lovely vignette.

 

[ulukinatme]

Congrats ACamp! Ten years already. That’s wild.

My wife made the bone head move of getting pregnant. AGAIN.

#2 in the tube while #1 is just 6mo folks. Pray for me.

Gratz, Shake! I'm with dshans on this one though

 

[loomis41973]

Congrats ACamp! Ten years already. That’s wild.

My wife made the bone head move of getting pregnant. AGAIN.

#2 in the tube while #1 is just 6mo folks. Pray for me.

Donald or DJ has a good ring to it.....

 

[IrishLax]

Is there an option to just pay monthly next year, rather than a one-time fee of $58? I can sneak $10 a month past my wife for football stuff, I can't sneak a $58.

Your wife reviews your credit card bill?

 

[koonja]

Your wife reviews your credit card bill?

We have shared accounts and she checks for fraud like every 2 days. Is that that weird?