Wives and the Stupid **** They Say/Do

[no.1IrishFan]

Humble brag here, your're saying your wife looks good enough that she doesn't need makeup. Well played.

Makeup can only do so much......

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[BGIF]

Humble brag here, your're saying your wife looks good enough that she doesn't need makeup. Well played.

Yeah, and guess whose wife reads this board.

 

[ulukinatme]

Last year my wife wanted to put in a small 6 X 6 garden to grow some tomato's and peppers. She wanted to put it next to the house for convenience. I pointed out that the plants wouldn't get much sun being next to the house, but it was "her project" so there it went. Took forever to get tomato's and the peppers were small.

This year she wants another garden and decides to put it where I suggested she put it last year. lol

We could do an entire thread dedicated to your wife at this point

 

[ACamp1900]

Humble brag here, your're saying your wife looks good enough that she doesn't need makeup. Well played.

Ha, I do think my wife is rather pretty but she's also not the corn-fed mid-west white girls most of this board seems super into so I'm guessing many here would not agree if honest. Also, it's not like most regs don't know what my wife looks like, I've shared many pics in the photo thread(s). But yeah, she doesn't wear makeup, except for rare special occasions like wedding and such.

Yeah, and guess whose wife reads this board.

I don't think my wife has ever read this board unless I directly make her do so (usually when sharing funny exchanges or stuff from the funny pics thread)...

 

[ulukinatme]

Ha, I do think my wife is rather pretty but she's also not the corn-fed mid-west white girls most of this board seems super into so I'm guessing many here would not agree if honest. Also, it's not like most regs don't know what my wife looks like, I've shared many pics in the photo thread(s). But yeah, she doesn't wear makeup, except for rare special occasions like wedding and such.

It's not that we prefer corn-fed mid-west white girls, that's just the majority of what you have to pick from around here

 

[Wild Bill]

I'm cruising through the store the other day trying to buy whatever deodorant they had on sale and on my way to the register I walk by a shampoo/conditioner package deal being sold for $100. I'm thinking to myself, what kind of an idiot spends that kind of coin on shampoo. About three steps later, I stop, back my ass up and examine the bottle. Sure as shit it's the exact same liquid gold I have sitting in my shower at home.

Yada yada yada, there's a new budget in town that's about five percent more than I'd have to pay in child support b/c there has to be consequences to leaving.

-Mrs. Wild Bill, if you're reading this, stop shopping online and make dinner.

 

[ulukinatme]

I'm cruising through the store the other day trying to buy whatever deodorant they had on sale and on my way to the register I walk by a shampoo/conditioner package deal being sold for $100. I'm thinking to myself, what kind of an idiot spends that kind of coin on shampoo. About three steps later, I stop, back my ass up and examine the bottle. Sure as shit it's the exact same liquid gold I have sitting in my shower at home.

Yada yada yada, there's a new budget in town that's about five percent more than I'd have to pay in child support b/c there has to be consequences to leaving.

-Mrs. Wild Bill, if you're reading this, stop shopping online and make dinner.

"Divorce is expensive because it's worth it."

 

[Greenore]

A couple of weeks ago my wife was driving me to work. It was raining lightly and we were following a few big tractor-trailers. The mud and water coming off the tires made the visibility almost nil.

My sight isn't so good so I need all the help I can get.

My wife flips on the front windshield wipes which effectively smears the offending material, resulting in an additional decrease in visibility.

I tell her to hit the windshield wiper fluid button and she replies very sternly, "I don't want to waste it!". I am speechless...

She tells me later that in almost 30 years of driving she has only had to fill the wiper fluid reservoir once. ONCE!!

I'm hopeful she never posts any "Stupid stuff my husband does".

Cheers and Go Irish!!

 

[no.1IrishFan]

Found our dream home the other day. It’s at the very top our budget and checks every box we both have, sans pool. She doesn’t want to make an offer because we won’t have the extra 40k for a while to build the one we want. We have an awesome pool here that she has stepped into exactly 3 times in the last 5 years. She doesn’t give shot about actually using a pool, she just wants to say she has one. Ridiculous.

 

[ulukinatme]

Found our dream home the other day. It’s at the very top our budget and checks every box we both have, sans pool. She doesn’t want to make an offer because we won’t have the extra 40k for a while to build the one we want. We have an awesome pool here that she has stepped into exactly 3 times in the last 5 years. She doesn’t give shot about actually using a pool, she just wants to say she has one. Ridiculous.

Sounds like she needs an above ground pool. I would be super pissed if she passes on it because it doesn't have a pool that she'll never use.

 

[ACamp1900]

Pool is a must, can confirm

 

[BeauBenken]

Do I have to bitch about my SO it I want to be cool here?

He'll I've been doing that for no internet cred for easy too long.

She leaves clean silverware in the dishwasher because it takes to long to put it in the drawer.

She leaves clean clothes in the hamper in the laundry room because she doesn't need them now, so they become super wrinkled.

I could go on.

What she could say about me: he really likes strong drinks and bitching.

Sent from my SM-J337U using Tapatalk

 

[IrishLion]

Do I have to bitch about my SO it I want to be cool here?

He'll I've been doing that for no internet cred for easy too long.

She leaves clean silverware in the dishwasher because it takes to long to put it in the drawer.

She leaves clean clothes in the hamper in the laundry room because she doesn't need them now, so they become super wrinkled.

I could go on.

What she could say about me: he really likes strong drinks and bitching.

Sent from my SM-J337U using Tapatalk

The dishwasher thing drives me fucking insane. My wife does it, too.

I’ll need a fork, but my wife will leave clean silverware in the rack and then start throwing dirty ass dishes and other silverware in there... so now I need to hand-wash a fork on my lunch break because YOU didn’t want to take the silverware out when it was your turn to do the dishes?!?

It’s a tiny thing, but absolutely infuriating lol. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m gonna need to do the dishes more often if I want to ensure that we have clean silverware.

I also like to do the laundry myself when I can, because my wife will put a load in the washer, then forgets about it until it starts smelling like mildew. Then it needs to be rewashed. So I’ll offer to separate the laundry and go downstairs to do it, but she’ll say “nah I like to do it and watch my show down there while the kids play,” and then I’ll remind her that she almost never actually finishes it in one night like I do... then I’m the bad guy for pointing it out lol.

 

[Bishop2b5]

... then I’m the bad guy for pointing it out lol.

'Bout sums up marriage and women in half a sentence.

 

[BeauBenken]

The dishwasher thing drives me fucking insane. My wife does it, too.

I’ll need a fork, but my wife will leave clean silverware in the rack and then start throwing dirty ass dishes and other silverware in there... so now I need to hand-wash a fork on my lunch break because YOU didn’t want to take the silverware out when it was your turn to do the dishes?!?

It’s a tiny thing, but absolutely infuriating lol. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m gonna need to do the dishes more often if I want to ensure that we have clean silverware.

I also like to do the laundry myself when I can, because my wife will put a load in the washer, then forgets about it until it starts smelling like mildew. Then it needs to be rewashed. So I’ll offer to separate the laundry and go downstairs to do it, but she’ll say “nah I like to do it and watch my show down there while the kids play,” and then I’ll remind her that she almost never actually finishes it in one night like I do... then I’m the bad guy for pointing it out lol.

So I'm not a dick? Or alone? This is great to know!

Seriously, she does hard work when she feels it needs to be done, but it's not in any regular manner and it drives me up the damn wall.

Not to mention, she is a nurse who works nights, so if she is working 7p-7a, she will sleep most the day. Perfect time for me to get shit done, right? NO! I might wake her up which is worse than just not doing anything and her complaining that I've done nothing. lol Baffling.

 

[Irish#1]

Leaving the vanity cluttered.

Not emptying the dishwasher.

Leaving the laundry in the washer.

Pretty sure all women are born with that same gene.

We're born with the gene that causes us to point out the fallacy in their logic. lol

 

[IrishLion]

Leaving the vanity cluttered.

Not emptying the dishwasher.

Leaving the laundry in the washer.

Pretty sure all women are born with that same gene.

We're born with the gene that causes us to point out the fallacy in their logic. lol

Lol, I look forward to football season because I love football unconditionally, even when things are going poorly for both ND and the Bengals... but I also look forward to it these days because it means I can relax in the basement and get all the laundry done while I drink beer and watch the Irish.

I guess I'm old now.

 

[gkIrish]

So what (faithful) things do I need to do in the next 15 months before I get married that I won't be able to do once I'm hitched? I already golf as much as I can....

 

[IrishLion]

So what (faithful) things do I need to do in the next 15 months before I get married that I won't be able to do once I'm hitched? I already golf as much as I can....

- Play Golden Tee at the bar on random weekday nights
- Schedule a guys trip to a lake/beach and just be drunk in the water with your homies for a week (you will likely be able to do this while married, but it will require special permission)
- Don't ever put your TV's on Bravo, E! or Lifetime, because even if your lady isn't watching the trash shows now, marriage will alter her brain, and one of the TV's in your house will always be blaring the annoying voices of rich ladies in scripted reality shows
- Preorder the next videogame console and pay it off before the wedding (Xbox Scarlett or PS5)
- Buy any videogame consoles you don't have, that you might like to have (Switch? Or whichever you don't have beetween XBone and PS4)
- Stockpile your videogame catalog
- Join as many fantasy football leagues as possible

My wife is cool with my video game and fantasy football hobbies, but I have to pick-and-choose my battles on what I'm spending money on now lol, which limits my catalog and number of fantasy leagues.

 

[ulukinatme]

- Play Golden Tee at the bar on random weekday nights
- Schedule a guys trip to a lake/beach and just be drunk in the water with your homies for a week (you will likely be able to do this while married, but it will require special permission)
- Don't ever put your TV's on Bravo, E! or Lifetime, because even if your lady isn't watching the trash shows now, marriage will alter her brain, and one of the TV's in your house will always be blaring the annoying voices of rich ladies in scripted reality shows
- Preorder the next videogame console and pay it off before the wedding (Xbox Scarlett or PS5)
- Buy any videogame consoles you don't have, that you might like to have (Switch? Or whichever you don't have beetween XBone and PS4)
- Stockpile your videogame catalog
- Join as many fantasy football leagues as possible

My wife is cool with my video game and fantasy football hobbies, but I have to pick-and-choose my battles on what I'm spending money on now lol, which limits my catalog and number of fantasy leagues.

Listen to this guy. If you haven't already, make sure you buy a big screen TV too. If you try to get one afterwards they'll go on and on about how big it is (I hear that same complaint about other things all the time) and how you "can't decorate around it." Also, blowjobs. Lots of blowjobs. Many married men complain that the BJs will dry up once the ring goes on, but not everyone gets stricken with that plague. I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

 

[ACamp1900]

She leaves clean clothes in the hamper in the laundry room because she doesn't need them now, so they become super wrinkled.

My wife and I got in a bit of a argument over this a few days ago, fold the laundry immediately or leave it in the dryer and re dry it until you are ready to fold, I ain't trying to iron every piece of clothing...

 

[ACamp1900]

Lol, I look forward to football season because I love football unconditionally, even when things are going poorly for both ND and the Bengals... but I also look forward to it these days because it means I can relax in the basement and get all the laundry done while I drink beer and watch the Irish.

I guess I'm old now.

I'm blessed to have an open relationship with both football and baseball.

 

[Irish#1]

So what (faithful) things do I need to do in the next 15 months before I get married that I won't be able to do once I'm hitched? I already golf as much as I can....

- Play Golden Tee at the bar on random weekday nights
- Schedule a guys trip to a lake/beach and just be drunk in the water with your homies for a week (you will likely be able to do this while married, but it will require special permission)
- Don't ever put your TV's on Bravo, E! or Lifetime, because even if your lady isn't watching the trash shows now, marriage will alter her brain, and one of the TV's in your house will always be blaring the annoying voices of rich ladies in scripted reality shows
- Preorder the next videogame console and pay it off before the wedding (Xbox Scarlett or PS5)
- Buy any videogame consoles you don't have, that you might like to have (Switch? Or whichever you don't have beetween XBone and PS4)
- Stockpile your videogame catalog
- Join as many fantasy football leagues as possible

My wife is cool with my video game and fantasy football hobbies, but I have to pick-and-choose my battles on what I'm spending money on now lol, which limits my catalog and number of fantasy leagues.

Listen to this guy. If you haven't already, make sure you buy a big screen TV too. If you try to get one afterwards they'll go on and on about how big it is (I hear that same complaint about other things all the time) and how you "can't decorate around it." Also, blowjobs. Lots of blowjobs. Many married men complain that the BJs will dry up once the ring goes on, but not everyone gets stricken with that plague. I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

Listen to these gents. They are spot on. One day you will eventually get to the point where I'm at, where you can buy what you want because you want it, but it takes a while.

Also study your GF's habits real closely now because if she doesn't do housework, getting married isn't going to cure that. If her bathroom looks like a tornado threw makeup and hair dryers everywhere, your bathroom will look like that after you get married. Accepting those things ahead of time will make your life much easier.

 

[ACamp1900]

So what (faithful) things do I need to do in the next 15 months before I get married that I won't be able to do once I'm hitched? I already golf as much as I can....

- Play Golden Tee at the bar on random weekday nights
- Schedule a guys trip to a lake/beach and just be drunk in the water with your homies for a week (you will likely be able to do this while married, but it will require special permission)
- Don't ever put your TV's on Bravo, E! or Lifetime, because even if your lady isn't watching the trash shows now, marriage will alter her brain, and one of the TV's in your house will always be blaring the annoying voices of rich ladies in scripted reality shows
- Preorder the next videogame console and pay it off before the wedding (Xbox Scarlett or PS5)
- Buy any videogame consoles you don't have, that you might like to have (Switch? Or whichever you don't have beetween XBone and PS4)
- Stockpile your videogame catalog
- Join as many fantasy football leagues as possible

My wife is cool with my video game and fantasy football hobbies, but I have to pick-and-choose my battles on what I'm spending money on now lol, which limits my catalog and number of fantasy leagues.

Listen to this guy. If you haven't already, make sure you buy a big screen TV too. If you try to get one afterwards they'll go on and on about how big it is (I hear that same complaint about other things all the time) and how you "can't decorate around it." Also, blowjobs. Lots of blowjobs. Many married men complain that the BJs will dry up once the ring goes on, but not everyone gets stricken with that plague. I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

I changed literally not a f'ing thing about my life. I spend the same amount with my friends, books, electric football, drinking, sports, and video games now than I did before I got married. Just make sure you love up on her like you should and show her the extra respect and attention the love of your life should get and she SHOULD be fine with you being you in any reasonable way you see fit or I'd say there is a problem that needs discussing.


**Fine Print: (this plan is not recommended for relationships with white girls, y'all are grown ass men and should know better by now... get yourself a girl who knows how to act.)

 

[ulukinatme]

Listen to these gents. They are spot on. One day you will eventually get to the point where I'm at, where you can buy what you want because you want it, but it takes a while.

Also study your GF's habits real closely now because if she doesn't do housework, getting married isn't going to cure that. If her bathroom looks like a tornado threw makeup and hair dryers everywhere, your bathroom will look like that after you get married. Accepting those things ahead of time will make your life much easier.

Yup, you better learn to love the annoying little habits now if you don't already, otherwise they'll drive you crazy.

 

[IrishLion]

I changed literally not a f'ing thing about my life. I spend the same amount with my friends, books, electric football, drinking, sports, and video games now than I did before I got married. Just make sure you love up on her like you should and show her the extra respect and attention the love of your life should get and she SHOULD be fine with you being you in any reasonable way you see fit or I'd say there is a problem that needs discussing.


**Fine Print: (this plan is not recommended for relationships with white girls, y'all are grown ass men and should know better by now... get yourself a girl who knows how to act.)

I gave up Golden Tee Tuesday with the guys about 11 months after our wedding, aka when my first kid was born lol

I can usually swing the latest video game purchase because we're doing fine financially, but it usually requires a progression of like three conversations where I have to justify why I need a new game 'already,' because my wife has a borderline fetish with not spending money on anything that's not food or baby stuff. Dropping $500 on PS5 will be a different animal though lol.

I have been fortunate that my wife is totally cool with my dedication to sports. She knows where I'm gonna be on Thursday and Saturday nights once college football starts (and on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays when MACtion and Big XII specials start).

We don't have a set 'Steak and BJ' night, but I am still the recipient of said activity at a decent clip, so I must be doing something right overall lol

 

[ACamp1900]

I have to justify why I need a new game 'already,' because my wife has a borderline fetish with not spending money on anything that's not food or baby stuff. Dropping $500 on PS5 will be a different animal though lol.

We don't have a set 'Steak and BJ' night,...l

 

[Wild Bill]

So what (faithful) things do I need to do in the next 15 months before I get married that I won't be able to do once I'm hitched? I already golf as much as I can....

Acquire assets now and get a good prenup.

 

[ACamp1900]

True story: This morning the wife and I were discussing the new "Plan B" we have been throwing around...

"Plan B: Bacon, back-scratch, BJ."

 

[Irish#1]

True story: This morning the wife and I were discussing the new "Plan B" we have been throwing around...

"Plan B: Bacon, 3 some, BJ."

FIFY