Wives and the Stupid **** They Say/Do

[ACamp1900]

My wife has done that before,... “honey crisps were too expensive...”

(In my best Delbert Grady) I,... corrected her, sir.

 

[GowerND11]

So my girlfriend had her best friend's baby shower this weekend. She calls me after to tell me how it was, etc. She informs me that the best friend's great aunt, who the family doesn't want driving, side swiped her car. My girlfriend is a bit crazy when it comes to her car. She wants it to look good at all times and calls the inside dirty when there is one straw wrapper in it... Therefore, I knew she was probably very pissed and all. She tells me how she needs to get it fixed, she doesn't want rust, is worried about paint chipping, etc. etc. Best friend's dad says they'll pay for everything, don't involve insurance blah, blah, blah. I tell her of the best body shop in the area, to go to them.

Fast forward one day, and I come over, so I decide to take a look. He grey plastic rear bumper has a big scuff mark on it near the right rear wheel, one that is probably not getting buffed. However, it isn't dented, cracked, etc. Looks like a pretty good rub, but no paint transfer. Just above the bumper on the white pain are a few more blackish scuff marks, again no dent. No paint is chipped, no paint transfer that I could see, just some scuffs (no scratches).

She made it sound like there was real damage, probably need repainting, expensive work. Nope, maybe some touch ups, but definitely can have some buffing done. Overreacted to the nth degree.

 

[ACamp1900]

Drawback to having a really close knit group of friends who remain close over the years: all our wives become friends too and “part of the group”... now this isn’t all that bad for parties or dinners and such, pretty cool having all the ladies get along too. The bad part comes when baby showers happen, they become this mass gathering hybrid baby shower where everyone is expected to come, including the fellas,.... fuck.

 

[Irish#1]

Drawback to having a really close knit group of friends who remain close over the years: all our wives become friends too and “part of the group”... now this isn’t all that bad for parties or dinners and such, pretty cool having all the ladies get along too. The bad part comes when baby showers happen, they become this mass gathering hybrid baby shower where everyone is expected to come, including the fellas,.... fuck.

That's when you have to pull them out, let them hang and tell her you don't care what others are doing. Baby showers are for the ladies. Always have been always will be. You will get to see the baby and celebrate upon its arrival. It's either that or get sick the morning of the shower.

 

[ulukinatme]

My wife was going grocery shopping, so I asked for honeycrisp apples (crispy and juicy) and romaine blend salad (I like the carrots and cabbage in my lettuce, for variety).

She returned with gala apples (like eating a potato) and hearts of romaine (just plain lettuce, no variety).

I said, "thanks for getting my stuff at the store. Next time, can you get honeycrisp apples and romaine blend?"

She's now mad at me for being unappreciative lol.

Going forward, we can all abbreviate this last line to "Didn't like tone," or just further abbreviated to "Tone." There will be plenty of applications.

 

[ulukinatme]

I noticed that the toilet in our half bath was leaking at the base. Nothing major but I noticed there appeared to be moisture around the base. It was a special order to match the sink. I pull the toilet and decide since it is about 15 years old (still works good and looks great) I would not only replace the ring but the gaskets, valve and bolts on the tank.

I take it apart and my wife decides she wants to join the party by cleaning the inside of the tank. We're on a well so it had a rust color. I tell her it's not necessary since no one sees it and it isn't affecting the functionality. She take the tank and puts it in the kitchen sink to clean it. After she cleans it, I try to take it out of the sink, but it's wedged tight against the sides of the sink. I finally get it out and notice there is a crack in the tank that wasn't there before. I tell her there is a crack in the tank. Didn't accuse her, just mentioned it. Of course she tells me I had to break it trying to get it out of the sink. Yes dear, but if you would have left well enough alone.

Found a replacement tank online, but it's $350 and ships from Portugal. I tell her I'm not spending that much money when a new toilet is less. She picks out the new toilet, but is not happy because it's not the same model as the previous one. It's all my fault because I wanted to fix a leak before it ruined the floor. lol

 

[ACamp1900]

Seriously though, never go full gala when honeycrisp was what was asked for... she could have at least got pink ladies..........

 

[GDomer09]

My wife has done that before,... “honey crisps were too expensive...”

(In my best Delbert Grady) I,... corrected her, sir.

Glad to see I'm not the only one that has to deal with this. It's Honey Crisps or nothing! She still struggles even though they're her favorit too. Staring at a Granny Smith for lunch right now.

 

[GowerND11]

Must be nice to eat apples... I'm allergic

 

[ulukinatme]

Must be nice to eat apples... I'm allergic

I might as well be. Wife brings apples home from the store, I help put them away in the refrigerator. I turn around to get another item from a bag and the kids have apples in each hand and there's an empty bag in the frig. I guess I should be grateful they're eating healthy.

 

[GowerND11]

I might as well be. Wife brings apples home from the store, I help put them away in the refrigerator. I turn around to get another item from a bag and the kids have apples in each hand and there's an empty bag in the frig. I guess I should be grateful they're eating healthy.

Worst part is, I love apples too. Sometimes I cut a few pieces off and say screw it.

 

[IrishLion]

Seriously though, never go full gala when honeycrisp was what was asked for... she could have at least got pink ladies..........

Glad to see I'm not the only one that has to deal with this. It's Honey Crisps or nothing! She still struggles even though they're her favorit too. Staring at a Granny Smith for lunch right now.

Granny Smith isn't bad, much better than gala.

Biting into a gala apple is like biting into a raw potato.

Must be nice to eat apples... I'm allergic

That sucks... no apple juice or apple cider?

I might as well be. Wife brings apples home from the store, I help put them away in the refrigerator. I turn around to get another item from a bag and the kids have apples in each hand and there's an empty bag in the frig. I guess I should be grateful they're eating healthy.

My son does this with oranges, except he doesn't actually eat them. He loves peeling them, and then he'll eat one or two slices, then the rest just sits there.

 

[GowerND11]

That sucks... no apple juice or apple cider?

Once apples are cooked/pasteurized I'm good. So those are ok, as are apple sauce and pie. Same thing for peaches and pears.

 

[ACamp1900]

Fuji and red delicious are the only ones I’ve come across I’m full no go on... honey crisp are amazing tho

 

[ACamp1900]

Once apples are cooked/pasteurized I'm good. So those are ok, as are apple sauce and pie. Same thing for peaches and pears.

My buddy is like this with tomatoes... strangest thing.

 

[Irish#1]

Glad to see I'm not the only one that has to deal with this. It's Honey Crisps or nothing! She still struggles even though they're her favorit too. Staring at a Granny Smith for lunch right now.

I must be the only one that likes Gala's but Granny Smiths? God made them for baking.

 

[Henges24]

After being married for a year and a half (yeah, yeah I know a marriage expert) I can finally come here and relate.

Shit’s great.

 

[ulukinatme]

After being married for a year and a half (yeah, yeah I know a marriage expert) I can finally come here and relate.

Shit’s great.

So....where are the stories???

 

[Whiskeyjack]

After being married for a year and a half (yeah, yeah I know a marriage expert) I can finally come here and relate.

Shit’s great.

Agreed. Few things are worse than being the most important thing in your own life.

 

[Bishop2b5]

Five rules for marriage:

1. You're wrong. Always.

2. When your wife is wrong, you're still the one who's wrong.

3. When your wife is the one who's wrong, just admit it was actually you who was wrong.

4. When your wife is wrong and there's no way she can blame you, you're still wrong for not stopping her from being wrong.

5. When your wife is wrong, you're still wrong for pointing it out.

 

[Some Irish Bloke]

Five rules for marriage:

1. You're wrong. Always.

2. When your wife is wrong, you're still the one who's wrong.

3. When your wife is the one who's wrong, just admit it was actually you who was wrong.

4. When your wife is wrong and there's no way she can blame you, you're still wrong for not stopping her from being wrong.

5. When your wife is wrong, you're still wrong for pointing it out.

Where do I sign

 

[ACamp1900]

Five rules for marriage:

1. You're wrong. Always.

2. When your wife is wrong, you're still the one who's wrong.

3. When your wife is the one who's wrong, just admit it was actually you who was wrong.

4. When your wife is wrong and there's no way she can blame you, you're still wrong for not stopping her from being wrong.

5. When your wife is wrong, you're still wrong for pointing it out.

Well you’re a hick from Bama and you married a white chick so yeah,... you fucked up.... lol

 

[Irish#1]

After being married for a year and a half (yeah, yeah I know a marriage expert) I can finally come here and relate.

Shit’s great.

Just a year and a half? Your roller coaster hasn’t even got to the top yet. Lol

 

[calvegas04]

Well you’re a hick from Bama and you married a white chick so yeah,... you fucked up.... lol

Na, this goes for all races of women

 

[ACamp1900]

Na, this goes for all races of women

Filipi-nah

 

[Irish#1]

A couple of days ago, I got tickets in the lower level suites for last nights Pacers game. The wife decides she doesn't want to go. she asks me to buy her a scratch off lottery ticket while at the game. Hoosier Lottery sells them at the Pacers and Colts games. The entrance to the lower level suites isn't on the main concourse where they sell tickets, so I decide to buy her one on the way home.

I give her the ticket and she asks if I bought it at the game. After telling her no, she pouts a little and reminds me that she wanted one from there and probably won't win on the ticket. She's superstitious when it comes to the lottery. She starts scratching and $250 later, she's all smiles. "I guess you're done pouting about where I bought the ticket?" No comment from her. lol

 

[ulukinatme]

Just a year and a half? Your roller coaster hasn’t even got to the top yet. Lol

He's still getting buckled up while they give the safety lecture.

 

[ulukinatme]

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house. I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it. The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it. Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it? You better believe it.

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open. This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it. I'm sure you can see where this is headed. He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason. I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work. "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says. I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress. I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms. She thinks it's funny. I think she's asking to live in a trash can like Oscar.

 

[ACamp1900]

The solution is pretty clear here... buy a jumbo bottle of Aunt Jemima, open it, let it spill a bit and just generally leave it sitting out until she gets the point.

 

[IrishLion]

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house. I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it. The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it. Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it? You better believe it.

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open. This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it. I'm sure you can see where this is headed. He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason. I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work. "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says. I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress. I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms. She thinks it's funny. I think she's asking to live in a trash can like Oscar.

Go to Costco or Sam's Club and buy the biggest goddamn bottle of syrup that you can find, and then leave tiny droplets and strings of syrup on the counters and tables.

Guerrilla warfare.