Logging Out After Lunch

[Irish2155]

This thing got derailed real quick. Pizza Friday. LOL.

I don't know how many "updates" you're going to get on here. I usually just scroll down until I see a quoted tweet or something.

 

[TDHeysus]

my lunch:

4 chicken tacos from Juan Pollo....tasty

 

[Cali_domer]

This thing got derailed real quick. Pizza Friday. LOL.

I don't know how many "updates" you're going to get on here. I usually just scroll down until I see a quoted tweet or something.

Love Pizza Friday... Kids love also.

 

[Ndaccountant]

This reminds me, I'll have to tell y'all sometime about the time I accidentally shit on an elevator floor.

One night during my junior year in college, I went back with a chick who I had been on and off with to her apartment. Her apartment was the kind where there is one big living room and kitchen in the center of the apartment with six individual rooms (with a bathroom in each room) around the kitchen. Once getting there, her roommates were having a little after party. During the next hour or two, I tried to make our own party in her room. Each time we would get close, her one roommate (the only one there without a guy) would guilt trip her back into the common area. It was a super bitchy move on the roommates part, but I played along since I knew the girl I was with really liked her, but felt bad about her never having a guy. By about 5 in the morning, the party was dying and the girl I was with was basically passing out. Being the gentleman that I am, I helped put her to bed without forcing the issue. At this point, I could have slept over at this chicks place, but I really hate sharing double beds (it's just not comfortable). It's 5AM, I am drunk as a fox and pissed off at the roommate cock blocking me. I exit the chicks bedroom to find the bitchy roommate passed out on the couch. I could have done some Sharpie artwork, but that had been played out. Instead, I went into the bathroom in her bedroom and took her towels out and put one of the two into the sink. I then took a huge dump into said towel in the sink while using the other towel to wipe. I then neatly folded the towels, shit inside the folds, and placed the towels back into her closet. This was the first of two shit incidents I had with that bitch.

 

[IrishLion]

This was the first of two shit incidents I had with that bitch.

I demand story #2.

EDIT: Pun not intended, but I like it.

 

[tko]

One night during my junior year in college, I went back with a chick who I had been on and off with to her apartment. Her apartment was the kind where there is one big living room and kitchen in the center of the apartment with six individual rooms (with a bathroom in each room) around the kitchen. Once getting there, her roommates were having a little after party. During the next hour or two, I tried to make our own party in her room. Each time we would get close, her one roommate (the only one there without a guy) would guilt trip her back into the common area. It was a super bitchy move on the roommates part, but I played along since I knew the girl I was with really liked her, but felt bad about her never having a guy. By about 5 in the morning, the party was dying and the girl I was with was basically passing out. Being the gentleman that I am, I helped put her to bed without forcing the issue. At this point, I could have slept over at this chicks place, but I really hate sharing double beds (it's just not comfortable). It's 5AM, I am drunk as a fox and pissed off at the roommate cock blocking me. I exit the chicks bedroom to find the bitchy roommate passed out on the couch. I could have done some Sharpie artwork, but that had been played out. Instead, I went into the bathroom in her bedroom and took her towels out and put one of the two into the sink. I then took a huge dump into said towel in the sink while using the other towel to wipe. I then neatly folded the towels, shit inside the folds, and placed the towels back into her closet. This was the first of two shit incidents I had with that bitch.

EPIC!!!!!!!!

 

[wizards8507]

I hosted a party at a friend's house at ND and it was a huge success. I know it was a huge success because I woke up at 11:00 the next morning with a text that said "somebody shit on the floor." That was all the information I was given, but sure enough I got to the house and someone had shit on the floor in the bathroom. Based on the positioning, our best guess is that someone was taking a dump, got off the throne to throw up instead, and ended up letting it go out of both ends.

It was actually at the house of another poster on here... SaltyND24. He and I weren't really friends but I worked with one of his roommates.

What's pizza Friday? I get pizza on Thursdays. Two small 4-toppings for $6 each.

 

[Irishnuke]

Had a breakfast burrito for lunch today. Had a breakfast burrito for dinner last night. Currently on the toilet wondering if those were wise decisions.

 

[IrishInFl]

UPDATE!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TcGJJ-egB40" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[wizards8507]

Had a breakfast burrito for lunch today. Had a breakfast burrito for dinner last night. Currently on the toilet wondering if those were wise decisions.

 

[irishog77]

Anybody else share in the embarrassing experience of having to ask to borrow the plunger...at a chick's place?

Unfortunately, I've experienced that one twice.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

This thread needs to be renamed immediately, but I'm struggling with a good title. Logging Out for Lunch? Food and Fertilizer? Pu Pu Platter?

 

[ACamp1900]

Sometimes when I wipe....

 

[irishog77]

Nothing worse either than meeting a girl at a bar, hitting it off, then being invited back to her place....only to dump her off in a cab instead so you can literally sprint back in to the closest cesspool bar bathroom to spray paint the entire stall walls.

 

[irishog77]

I hosted a party at a friend's house at ND and it was a huge success. I know it was a huge success because I woke up at 11:00 the next morning with a text that said "somebody shit on the floor." That was all the information I was given, but sure enough I got to the house and someone had shit on the floor in the bathroom. Based on the positioning, our best guess is that someone was taking a dump, got off the throne to throw up instead, and ended up letting it go out of both ends.

It was actually at the house of another poster on here... SaltyND24. He and I weren't really friends but I worked with one of his roommates.

What's pizza Friday? I get pizza on Thursdays. Two small 4-toppings for $6 each.

Can't embed a video right now, but I picture Courtney Gains (Salty) crying into the arms of Patrick Dempsey (Wizards), sobbing, "You threw shit on my house" from the all-time classic flick "Can't Buy Me Love."

 

[IrishLion]

I had a friend that took a girl home from the bar one night. He said they got home and he went downstairs to get a drink while she was in his bedroom.

Later, as they were going about their business, he said he became paranoid that he smelled bad because he kept getting wiffs of porta-potty-esque stench, and he was worried it was him and that he was about to ruin it right in the middle of the action.

She left the premises the next morning without waking him. He said that he got up and showered and then went to his closet to grab a shirt, only to discover that the chick had ruined his closet floor. Apparently she had to go, but decided the closet was the best place, and thought she could get away with it since it was a random bar encounter that lead to the slumber party.

Little did she know, another of our friends knew exactly who she was due to a distant acquaintance. My friend got her number, called her, and asked why she shit on his closet floor. She denied it, tried telling my friend that someone else had come home with them the night before and had left in the middle of the night. My friend called her bullshit and told her to come back and clean up.

She showed up an hour later with cleaning supplies, and offered to pay for professional cleaning as well if he wouldn't tell anyone about it.

He did not take the second half of that deal.

 

[GBdomer]

Dude eat a broito and chill out

 

[irishog77]

If I shit on somebody's floor, whether purposeful or accidental....no way in hell I'm going back to clean it up.

 

[ACamp1900]

w.t.f.

She just did it to do it?? and then slept with him?? Or could she not find the bathroom?? strangest story of the week for sure.

 

[BobD]

I'm in the conference room at work eating sourdough pretzel nubs and acting like I'm working on something very serious.

 

[NDhoosier]

wow...
This site has not been able to maintain any form of relative conversation lately. Its like people are overjoyed derailing a thread, its like they have never seen it happen before.

 

[Wild Bill]

I'm in the conference room at work eating sourdough pretzel nubs and acting like I'm working on something very serious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd9ma2UVLHM

 

[gkIrish]

wow...
This site has not been able to maintain any form of relative conversation lately. Its like people are overjoyed derailing a thread, its like they have never seen it happen before.

What did you have for lunch though?

 

[ACamp1900]

I'm in the conference room at work eating sourdough pretzel nubs and acting like I'm working on something very serious.

I am a professional at pretending to work...

 

[IrishLion]

w.t.f.

She just did it to do it?? and then slept with him?? Or could she not find the bathroom?? strangest story of the week for sure.

The prevailing theory that we have discussed is that she thought he was going to the bathroom when he went downstairs, and that she had to go bad enough that she felt the closet was the best option in her drunken state. I'm guessing she thought it would be hidden until she was gone, and that he wouldn't be able to track her down since they had only met the night before. Little did she know, our social circles were not completely isolated from one another, and we quickly found out who she was.

The other theories are that she was either much more drunk than she let on (I don't buy it, due to her shamed return to the crime scene once she realized word could get out), or that she just did it for no reason at all.

 

[GATTACA!]

Had a breakfast burrito for lunch today. Had a breakfast burrito for dinner last night. Currently on the toilet wondering if those were wise decisions.

 

[irishog77]

The prevailing theory that we have discussed is that she thought he was going to the bathroom when he went downstairs, and that she had to go bad enough that she felt the closet was the best option in her drunken state. I'm guessing she thought it would be hidden until she was gone, and that he wouldn't be able to track her down since they had only met the night before. Little did she know, our social circles were not completely isolated from one another, and we quickly found out who she was.

The other theories are that she was either much more drunk than she let on (I don't buy it, due to her shamed return to the crime scene once she realized word could get out), or that she just did it for no reason at all.

The Mad Crapper strikes again.

 

[Rhode Irish]

I was with a buddy of mine during college. He had previously attended a different school, but transferred to my school. He wanted to go up to his old school two states away to see a girl. I went for the ride since there was supposed to be a crazy party. So I get up to this place, and I know zero people other than my buddy, who no longer goes there, and I'm 200 miles from home. At the party, I meet this girl and also get hammered (maybe not in that order). We go back to her place, which I kind of remember, but I remember nothing after that. I wake up in her bed at around 4AM with a tremendous sense of urgency to get to a toilet. Keep in mind, I have absolutely zero idea where I am, and the room is pitch black. So I go searching around for a toilet, and fortunately she has one of those deals where two rooms share a bathroom, so I don't have to go out into the hallway wearing only boxers. But it takes me so long to find the toilet that I can't hold my Natty Ice-induced liquified shit *quite* long enough to get my boxers all the way off and my ass onto the toilet. It was not a full on shit-my-pants situation - most of it did go into the bowl - but there was enough on my boxers that I could not put them back on (never mind wear them for the three hour ride home) and enough on and around the toilet that there was no way in hell I was sticking around there long enough for her or anyone else to wake up. So I gathered up my stuff, put my jeans on sans underwears, found my phone and bounced. Luckily when I called my buddy he was similarly looking to split town (apparently he had been looking for me for some time lol). I've always wondered (1) what the girl looked like, (2) what she thought when she woke up alone with shit all over her bathroom and dirty drawers in her trash can and (3) did I get it in?

 

[NDBoiler]

One of biggest reasons I enjoy eating macaroons is because I know how much effort was expended for each delicate little cookie.

Ever heard the song "Sweet City Woman" by The Stampeders? I always wondered what macaroons were and now I know. Thanks.

 

[GATTACA!]

I was with a buddy of mine during college. He had previously attended a different school, but transferred to my school. He wanted to go up to his old school two states away to see a girl. I went for the ride since there was supposed to be a crazy party. So I get up to this place, and I know zero people other than my buddy, who no longer goes there, and I'm 200 miles from home. At the party, I meet this girl and also get hammered (maybe not in that order). We go back to her place, which I kind of remember, but I remember nothing after that. I wake up in her bed at around 4AM with a tremendous sense of urgency to get to a toilet. Keep in mind, I have absolutely zero idea where I am, and the room is pitch black. So I go searching around for a toilet, and fortunately she has one of those deals where two rooms share a bathroom, so I don't have to go out into the hallway wearing only boxers. But it takes me so long to find the toilet that I can't hold my Natty Ice-induced liquified shit *quite* long enough to get my boxers all the way off and my ass onto the toilet. It was not a full on shit-my-pants situation - most of it did go into the bowl - but there was enough on my boxers that I could not put them back on (never mind wear them for the three hour ride home) and enough on and around the toilet that there was no way in hell I was sticking around there long enough for her or anyone else to wake up. So I gathered up my stuff, put my jeans on sans underwears, found my phone and bounced. Luckily when I called my buddy he was similarly looking to split town (apparently he had been looking for me for some time lol). I've always wondered (1) what the girl looked like, (2) what she thought when she woke up alone with shit all over her bathroom and dirty drawers in her trash can and (3) did I get it in?