Throwing a Hail Mary: Need Help

[gkIrish]

Case-in-point. Wooly and I are married. Koon is not. Do you want to be like me and Wooly, or like Koon?

Counterpoint. I am not married and I am cooler than both of you combined.

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[dshans]

Wooly and Wizards – you're married?

To each other?

How did I miss that?

Congrats!!!

 

[phgreek]

Case-in-point. Wooly and I are married. Koon is not. Do you want to be like me and Wooly, or like Koon?

Dude I never saw an announcement or any "coverage" on IE...but it explains why you two fight like you do.

 

[wizards8507]

Dude I never saw an announcement or any "coverage" on IE...but it explains why you two fight like you do.

 

[BleedBlueGold]

Dude I never saw an announcement or any "coverage" on IE...but it explains why you two fight like you do.

Haha. It does explain a lot.

 

[ColinKSU]

I use to think that way until I met the love of my life, started expecting a child and realized that I would never have to buy a lady a drink in order to get a blowjob again.

Marriage and children are life's calling, my friend. You may think that it's not important now, but I would be surprised if a day doesn't come when you have regret for not having the two most amazing experiences life can provide.

I'm sure it's life's calling for a lot of people, but not for everyone. My girlfriend knows that I have no interest in marrying or having kids with her because I've been upfront about it when she brings up the subject. Now I'm sure she doesn't *believe me* and is confident she can sway me, but it's just not something that works for me. It made a lot more sense when we died at 30 than it does when we live into our 80s.

Honestly, I can't financially afford it and I don't want the personal obligations that come along with marriage and family -- I don't want to give up myself for someone else. The whole thing is just a really bad deal for the man and there's nothing marriage provides me that dating her doesn't already provide except a lot more expense and a possible financially crippling divorce down the road.

 

[wizards8507]

I'm sure it's life's calling for a lot of people, but not for everyone. My girlfriend knows that I have no interest in marrying or having kids with her because I've been upfront about it when she brings up the subject. Now I'm sure she doesn't *believe me* and is confident she can sway me, but it's just not something that works for me. It made a lot more sense when we died at 30 than it does when we live into our 80s.

Honestly, I just can't afford it and I don't want the personal obligations that come along with marriage and family -- I don't want to give up myself for someone else. The whole deal is just a really bad deal for the man and there's nothing marriage provides me that dating her doesn't already provide except a lot more expense and a possible financially crippling divorce down the road.

I don't want to overstate things, but...

You're the reason for the fall of Western civilization.

 

[Ndaccountant]

I'm sure it's life's calling for a lot of people, but not for everyone. My girlfriend knows that I have no interest in marrying or having kids with her because I've been upfront about it when she brings up the subject. Now I'm sure she doesn't *believe me* and is confident she can sway me, but it's just not something that works for me. It made a lot more sense when we died at 30 than it does when we live into our 80s.

Honestly, I can't financially afford it and I don't want the personal obligations that come along with marriage and family -- I don't want to give up myself for someone else. The whole thing is just a really bad deal for the man and there's nothing marriage provides me that dating her doesn't already provide except a lot more expense and a possible financially crippling divorce down the road.

 

[ColinKSU]

I don't want to overstate things, but...

You're the reason for the fall of Western civilization.

I'm a reporter, so I've actually been called worse things than that.

 

[NorthDakota]

I don't want to overstate things, but...

You're the reason for the fall of Western civilization.

In addition to being the reason for the fall... You are also living live with such a sad endgame.

As an aside: if you want to avoid financial hardship, be aware of common law marriage laws in your state if you live with this gal, some states don't require much to consider you legally married.

 

[woolybug25]

I'm sure it's life's calling for a lot of people, but not for everyone. My girlfriend knows that I have no interest in marrying or having kids with her because I've been upfront about it when she brings up the subject. Now I'm sure she doesn't *believe me* and is confident she can sway me, but it's just not something that works for me. It made a lot more sense when we died at 30 than it does when we live into our 80s.

Honestly, I can't financially afford it and I don't want the personal obligations that come along with marriage and family -- I don't want to give up myself for someone else. The whole thing is just a really bad deal for the man and there's nothing marriage provides me that dating her doesn't already provide except a lot more expense and a possible financially crippling divorce down the road.

If you honestly think that she "doesn't believe you" or incorrectly thinks she can "sway you", then honestly... You should leave her. If she is your age, she has roughly a decade before she physically cannot have children. If you truly do not ever want children or respect the Union of marriage, then it would be cowardly to knowingly steal that from someone you care about. If you choose to refrain from that life, then everyone should respect your decision. But there's nothing to respect of stealing that from someone else.

Date whores with no desire to be married or have kids if you want that life, but don't trick a good person into hoping you change. That's incredibly selfish.

 

[Monk]

I'm sure it's life's calling for a lot of people, but not for everyone. My girlfriend knows that I have no interest in marrying or having kids with her because I've been upfront about it when she brings up the subject. Now I'm sure she doesn't *believe me* and is confident she can sway me, but it's just not something that works for me. It made a lot more sense when we died at 30 than it does when we live into our 80s.

Honestly, I can't financially afford it and I don't want the personal obligations that come along with marriage and family -- I don't want to give up myself for someone else. The whole thing is just a really bad deal for the man and there's nothing marriage provides me that dating her doesn't already provide except a lot more expense and a possible financially crippling divorce down the road.

To each their own, but your life is not going to always be how it is when you are in your twenties/thirties. At some point you will slow down whether you want to or not. Personally I was not ready for kids, as I don't believe you are ever really ready, but it gives me more joy then I could have imagined it would. As far as marriage goes, I found a women I adore and want to spend the rest of my life with. Marriage made absolute sense for use to progress both of our lives. Again to each their own.

 

[Wild Bill]

I'm sure it's life's calling for a lot of people, but not for everyone. My girlfriend knows that I have no interest in marrying or having kids with her because I've been upfront about it when she brings up the subject. Now I'm sure she doesn't *believe me* and is confident she can sway me, but it's just not something that works for me. It made a lot more sense when we died at 30 than it does when we live into our 80s.

Honestly, I can't financially afford it and I don't want the personal obligations that come along with marriage and family -- I don't want to give up myself for someone else. The whole thing is just a really bad deal for the man and there's nothing marriage provides me that dating her doesn't already provide except a lot more expense and a possible financially crippling divorce down the road.

Perhaps the opposite will be true. You may find that a family would motivate you to work harder and make better financial decisions, not b/c it's an obligation but because want to provide for them what they provide for you - a better life.

I'm not suggesting you're a love hating lazy fool. I'm just suggesting that your opinion may change in the future. Keep an open mind.

Steelhead, consider a job in sales. I think you'd kill it.

 

[ColinKSU]

To each their own, but your life is not going to always be how it is when you are in your twenties/thirties. At some point you will slow down whether you want to or not. Personally I was not ready for kids, as I don't believe you are ever really ready, but it gives me more joy then I could have imagined it would. As far as marriage goes, I found a women I adore and want to spend the rest of my life with. Marriage made absolute sense for use to progress both of our lives. Again to each their own.

I'm happy that people like you out there have a positive experience with marriage and kids. I can only explain why I think it's a bad decision, and I get that not everyone sees it that way. That's totally cool -- everyone's got their own story.

From my perspective, I feel for the OP because of the obvious roadblocks he's facing that are, in no small part, created by his very real need to provide for his family. I'm sure he doesn't see those are roadblocks, but someone from my life view certainly does. He needs more money and he can't exactly pick up and move to California because there are multiple people in his life that are rooted to Indianapolis. With my situation, I could pack up and leave by tonight and be in Alaska tomorrow for a great job -- it's an arrangement that I wouldn't trade with him for anything in the world.

If you honestly think that she "doesn't believe you" or incorrectly thinks she can "sway you", then honestly... You should leave her. If she is your age, she has roughly a decade before she physically cannot have children. If you truly do not ever want children or respect the Union of marriage, then it would be cowardly to knowingly steal that from someone you care about. If you choose to refrain from that life, then everyone should respect your decision. But there's nothing to respect of stealing that from someone else.

Date whores with no desire to be married or have kids if you want that life, but don't trick a good person into hoping you change. That's incredibly selfish.

You're not wrong that I should leave someone in a situation like that, but she keeps telling me that she understands I don't want marriage or kids. Maybe she really doesn't want them either -- I've just never met a woman who wouldn't say what she needs to say in order to eventually "change" her man's mind. Short of dumping her when she's telling me the truth, I can only just remain honest and upfront with her.

I'm not putting a gun to her head -- she could leave me whenever she wants. She's 32 and a grown woman capable of making her own decisions.

 

[Emcee77]

I'm happy that people like you out there have a positive experience with marriage and kids. I can only explain why I think it's a bad decision, and I get that not everyone sees it that way. That's totally cool -- everyone's got their own story.

From my perspective, I feel for the OP because of the obvious roadblocks he's facing that are, in no small part, created by his very real need to provide for his family. I'm sure he doesn't see those are roadblocks, but someone from my life view certainly does. He needs more money and he can't exactly pick up and move to California because there are multiple people in his life that are rooted to Indianapolis. With my situation, I could pack up and leave by tonight and be in Alaska tomorrow for a great job -- it's an arrangement that I wouldn't trade with him for anything in the world.



You're not wrong that I should leave someone in a situation like that, but she keeps telling me that she understands I don't want marriage or kids. Maybe she really doesn't want them either -- I've just never met a woman who wouldn't say what she needs to say in order to eventually "change" her man's mind. Short of dumping her when she's telling me the truth, I can only just remain honest and upfront with her.

I'm not putting a gun to her head -- she could leave me whenever she wants. She's 32 and a grown woman capable of making her own decisions.

Well, I guess that's fair enough, but kids really are the greatest joy, though. I know that sounds smug, and it's a cliche, but it's certainly true in my experience. No question they limit your professional options ... there are days when I think it might be cool to be able to pick up and take a job wherever the hot new quality-of-life destination is (is it still Denver? It felt for a while there that every relatively unmoored person I knew was moving to Denver ...), but that desire never even comes close to competing with the desire to do whatever is best for the family. That desire to be able to pick up and move becomes not so much a real desire as a vague fantasy kind of like the desire to be the King of England or a rock star or something; it would be cool, but you don't really care that you're not the King of England.

But everybody is different, and if you think you would still want to maybe move to Alaska or wherever your career might take you regardless of what's best for the fam, I suppose it's wise of you not to go the family route. I mean, feeling stifled by a family is a real thing that some people apparently feel. Or at least that's what they taught me in high school when I read The Awakening. I don't personally feel that way, but I understand that some people do.

Btw, how did you pick that profile pic? Is that Jeff Faine?

 

[Booslum31]

Read through the entire thread and was a little surprised that nobody at least mentioned sales or a sales career. It's not for everyone but certainly a way to increase your income. Both of my parents were school teachers (raising 8 children) and things were always so tight around the home. When I got my first Medical Sales job (after two years of grinding out Copier sales) I was shocked to see that I made more than my parents combined and yet they had sooo much more positive impact on our community than I could ever hope for. I try to give back as they taught me. My suggestion is to get a summer job selling something and see if you like it and to get little experience. I just hired a medical sales person two months ago in Indy and his only experience was working for the family business which was a nursery for plants and gardening stuff. I try to hire the person...not the resume. Your key to success is going to be face to face. I still think the best approach is to mix in personal canvassing with your intranet searches and let everyone you know that you are looking. good luck.

 

[Emcee77]

Read through the entire thread and was a little surprised that nobody at least mentioned sales or a sales career. It's not for everyone but certainly a way to increase your income. Both of my parents were school teachers (raising 8 children) and things were always so tight around the home. When I got my first Medical Sales job (after two years of grinding out Copier sales) I was shocked to see that I made more than my parents combined and yet they had sooo much more positive impact on our community than I could ever hope for. I try to give back as they taught me. My suggestion is to get a summer job selling something and see if you like it and to get little experience. I just hired a medical sales person two months ago in Indy and his only experience was working for the family business which was a nursery for plants and gardening stuff. I try to hire the person...not the resume. Your key to success is going to be face to face. I still think the best approach is to mix in personal canvassing with your intranet searches and let everyone you know that you are looking. good luck.

That's really good advice. A few years ago, didn't our man JSapp from BGI leave reporting to take a medical device sales job? Smart move financially, no doubt.

 

[ColinKSU]

Btw, how did you pick that profile pic? Is that Jeff Faine?

Yeah, it's a photo of Jeff. He's my favorite ND player from that era. As for how I got it, I think there weren't a lot of default options for profile photos when I signed up, and that was one of them.

That's really good advice. A few years ago, didn't our man JSapp from BGI leave reporting to take a medical device sales job? Smart move financially, no doubt.

Yeah, Jason went into sales. I miss having him on the beat -- he did a great job.

 

[wizards8507]

From my perspective, I feel for the OP because of the obvious roadblocks he's facing that are, in no small part, created by his very real need to provide for his family. I'm sure he doesn't see those are roadblocks, but someone from my life view certainly does. He needs more money and he can't exactly pick up and move to California because there are multiple people in his life that are rooted to Indianapolis. With my situation, I could pack up and leave by tonight and be in Alaska tomorrow for a great job -- it's an arrangement that I wouldn't trade with him for anything in the world.

You seem to have a caricatured view of marriage. My wife is from Pennsylvania and I'm from Rhode Island. We met and got married in Indiana. Immediately after getting married, we moved to Orlando. At various points while living in Orlando I interviewed for jobs in North Carolina and New Hampshire. Eventually we moved to Connecticut. Marriage didn't prevent any of that.

 

[ColinKSU]

You seem to have a caricatured view of marriage. My wife is from Pennsylvania and I'm from Rhode Island. We met and got married in Indiana. Immediately after getting married, we moved to Orlando. At various points while living in Orlando I interviewed for jobs in North Carolina and New Hampshire. Eventually we moved to Connecticut. Marriage didn't prevent any of that.

One person's caricatured is another person's experience, I suppose.

I can only go off of the society in which I was raised. The relationship you're describing is completely unheard of in my upbringing in Ohio, as well as the society I live around currently in Tennessee. You grow up, you get married, you plant your feet down and you eventually die there. That works for a lot of people, but not for everyone, and I've learned you can't force your partner to think the way you think.

 

[Booslum31]

That's really good advice. A few years ago, didn't our man JSapp from BGI leave reporting to take a medical device sales job? Smart move financially, no doubt.

I sold for Stryker for awhile...Got to know a couple of ex-ND Footballers there. Solid commissions.

 

[ACamp1900]

I wish I could help SH... I moved to higher ed but it's not so much for the increase(s) or lifestyle... it was more for my own conscience and peace of mind in terms of my impact on the world around me...

I am surprised to learn you're a teacher though... interesting.

 

[Circa]

The construction field is always looking for Safety representatives and the pay is decent for those with any degree. You can take a few tests and be qualified.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Thanks for all the great info guys. My entire approach to this has shifted based on your great input and guidance.

Other than dropping the ball by getting married and having children, it's good to know there are options available in the workforce for me, despite a skill set specialized for one thing.

 

[MNIrishman]

Getting back on topic, though, what do you teach? Tutoring can be very lucrative in the right subjects, especially STEM and standardized test preparation. I usually charge $75-$80/hour for tutoring, which isn't bad. Just depends on how many people teach your subjects.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Throwing a Hail Mary: Need Help

Getting back on topic, though, what do you teach? Tutoring can be very lucrative in the right subjects, especially STEM and standardized test preparation. I usually charge $75-$80/hour for tutoring, which isn't bad. Just depends on how many people teach your subjects.

6th grade ELA, but have done all other subjects in the past. I tutored for a company once, doing SAT prep for high schoolers. Private tutoring is definitely the way to go. I was making about $20 an hour after the company got their cut. Bartending here and there has netted more.

 

[BleedBlueGold]

Read through the entire thread and was a little surprised that nobody at least mentioned sales or a sales career. It's not for everyone but certainly a way to increase your income. Both of my parents were school teachers (raising 8 children) and things were always so tight around the home. When I got my first Medical Sales job (after two years of grinding out Copier sales) I was shocked to see that I made more than my parents combined and yet they had sooo much more positive impact on our community than I could ever hope for. I try to give back as they taught me. My suggestion is to get a summer job selling something and see if you like it and to get little experience. I just hired a medical sales person two months ago in Indy and his only experience was working for the family business which was a nursery for plants and gardening stuff. I try to hire the person...not the resume. Your key to success is going to be face to face. I still think the best approach is to mix in personal canvassing with your intranet searches and let everyone you know that you are looking. good luck.

You did not read the entire thread then. LOL

It's been mentioned at least twice already.

Perhaps the opposite will be true. You may find that a family would motivate you to work harder and make better financial decisions, not b/c it's an obligation but because want to provide for them what they provide for you - a better life.

I'm not suggesting you're a love hating lazy fool. I'm just suggesting that your opinion may change in the future. Keep an open mind.

Steelhead, consider a job in sales. I think you'd kill it.

Ellen Goodman:



Two things:

1) Have you considered truly evaluating what makes you happy? You're a teacher? You're a parent? Doesn't that mean getting to spend a ton of time with your kids in the summer? Seems pretty awesome to me.

2) I get that people have expenses, people have needs and wants...So if you're looking to make more money (a) Wooly has a good plan with working in the summer or starting a small buisness. Plenty of teachers I knew growing up did this and actually made really good yearly combined salaries. (b) Have you considered staying in the profession, but investing in more schooling in order to achieve an Admin position? (c) If you're a people person and have any connections to Sales jobs, those sometimes can be a quick and easy transition.

 

[Irish#1]

I'm sure it's life's calling for a lot of people, but not for everyone. My girlfriend knows that I have no interest in marrying or having kids with her because I've been upfront about it when she brings up the subject. Now I'm sure she doesn't *believe me* and is confident she can sway me, but it's just not something that works for me. It made a lot more sense when we died at 30 than it does when we live into our 80s.

Honestly, I can't financially afford it and I don't want the personal obligations that come along with marriage and family -- I don't want to give up myself for someone else. The whole thing is just a really bad deal for the man and there's nothing marriage provides me that dating her doesn't already provide except a lot more expense and a possible financially crippling divorce down the road.

No offense, but that's about as selfish a statement one could make.

My wife was 18 and I was 20 when we married. We had two kids, a house in the first three years and didn't make much at all the first 10-15 years. There were times it was a struggle, but after five kids I wouldn't change a thing. Not bragging, but now we live in a custom built 3,000SF home on an acre of land. Moral of the story, you find ways to make it happen.

 

[MNIrishman]

6th grade ELA, but have done all other subjects in the past. I tutored for a company once, doing SAT prep for high schoolers. Private tutoring is definitely the way to go. I was making about $20 an hour after the company got their cut. Bartending here and there has netted more.

I post my profile on various tutoring websites, then after I meet with the student, if I want to keep going, I offer them a discount from the website by going with me directly. A lot of tutoring sites charge a 40% commission, so I really don't feel bad about the practice. I think 10% is reasonable for a website, maybe 30% if the company provides facilities, and 40% if they also provide supplies and materials. But if they don't do anything more than Craigslist, 10% is my limit before I feel like they're cheating me.

 

[Ndaccountant]

One last thing I thought of was safety management / training. You can take classes to get OSHA certified in various topics. From there, you can take the knowledge and teaching background to develop training programs / classes for a company or companies. Where this gets promising is in health care and there are courses you can take through federal training to get certified in things like patient handling ergonomics, bloodborne pathogens exposure control, etc. My sister is a nurse and got hurt on the job and had work restrictions that prevented her from doing what she was doing. The hospital moved her to training and she now works with a few nurses and some ex-teachers to develop in-person and online material for the hospital employees. While it might not be a huge increase in pay initially for you, there are generally management teams for major companies made up of people with experience in this area, especially in areas that have high rates of injury or contamination risk.