ANN ARBOR — Hill Auditorium is used to history. It was designed by famed architect Albert Kahn, known as the man who built Detroit, and opened in 1913. Praised for flawless acoustics, it has hosted everyone from Yo-Yo Ma to Dave Brubeck and from Elton John to the New York Philharmonic. The old gem carries a breathless gravitas to match its veneer. Its emotion reaches all the accents of an elaborate arched dome.
Just off The Diag in Ann Arbor, the venue is as stately as the University of Michigan itself.
And on Wednesday, ex-wrestler Ric Flair stood upon Hill Auditorium's grand stage and trumpeted, "I can't stand Ohio State!" as some 3,500 people cheered raucously. They were there to celebrate 17-year-olds receiving football scholarships.
Hill was hosting a new kind of history. Michigan football's "Signing of the Stars" event was equal parts exciting and extravagant, valiant and vain, great and gross. It was over the top and in your face. It was brilliantly preposterous and preposterously brilliant.
What it was rests in the eye of every Michigan fan, student and alum. And whatever those conclusions may be, they don't matter because this is Michigan football now and there's no turning back.
The only opinion that matters is this: "16- and 17-year-olds are going to love this. If I knew this was going to happen, I would have gotten here earlier. It was just an awesome experience. I was just glad I was able to be a part of it. I'll remember Feb. 3, 2016, for the rest of my life."
That's Carlos Kemp. He's a great prospect from Denver and now a defensive lineman and linebacker at U-M. On Wednesday, he received a charging cheer from over 3,500 fans packed into the padded chairs lining Hill's lower level, mezzanine and balcony. He was introduced by poker celebrity Phil Hellmuth and outgoing Michigan interim athletic director Jim Hackett.
On stage, Kemp joined fellow early entrants among the 28 signees in Jim Harbaugh's 2016 recruiting class. They all appeared to be thinking the same thing: What is going on?
When U-M announced this signing day event, no one was sure what to think, but not a single soul would have dared to imagine this. The "Signing of the Stars" was one-part Oscar's, one-part Tonight Show, one-part ESPN and all-parts image driven. Hosted by comedian Randy Sklar, the stage was split two ways — one side for Harbaugh, his recruits and celebrity guests; the other for football analysts Todd McShay, Mike Shanahan and Lou Holtz, who dropped more one-liners than the actual comedian on stage.
The ceremony began as a variety show, of sorts, with songs from former Michigan quarterback Jack Kennedy, now a rapper, and country music singer Josh Gracin.
It was odd. Moving on ...
Things picked up as Harbaugh took the stage, playing the part of all four Beatles at the Ed Sullivan Show. The crowd swooned, responding in lock-step when he asked, "Who could possibly have it better than us?" Fans boomed: "Nooooobody."
The day's overindulgence soon became clear as the first recruit was announced. A video of ESPN football reporter Adam Schefter introduced Brandon Peters, a coveted quarterback from Indiana, and declared: "This is his time."
Schefter, a Michigan grad, added a feigned report, saying: "This is a class that sources tell me will be talked about for years to come."
Peters walked down the side aisle and onto the stage, waving at the crowd. He later said, "My heart was racing. That's all I remember."
Peters sat between Sklar and Harbaugh as Holtz, Shanahan and McShay offered an ESPN-esque breakdown of his high school game film.
Then Tom Brady was introduced as if it was normal that Tom Brady was there. He replaced Peters in the middle seat (no pressure, kid) and bantered along. Harbaugh upstaged the future Hall of Famer with the line of the day, noting that global warming is helping Michigan's recruiting.
Brady introduced some members of the 2016 class and was then joined on stage by Derek Jeter, two national demigods sitting side-by-side on an auditorium stage.
The image of Brady and Jeter was jarring and — just as Michigan planned — broadcast around the world on a perfect online stream produced by The Players' Tribune, Jeter's media outlet. In another layer of this event's leverage, it was broadcast for every high school football player in the country to see. They watched recruits who look just like themselves get placed on a literal pedestal — the stars of an event never before seen in an already inflated recruiting landscape.
"This felt like NFL draft day, sitting in the seat and just waiting to get your name called just to go say your two-line sentence next to coach Harbaugh," Kemp said.
Yet more famous names took the stage to introduce U-M signed recruits. There was John Harbaugh. There was Jim Leyland and hip-hop band Migos. There was Desmond Howard. There was NASCAR driver Brad Keselowski. There was actress Jessica Szohr and Jake Ryan. There was Jonathan Goodwin and MLB pitcher Derek Holland.
And there was Flair, who stole the show — one sponsored by Delta and Carhartt, in which proceeds went the Chad Tough Foundation. The retired wrestler and cultural luminary quipped: "To be the man, you've gotta beat the man. And right now, University of Michigan, you are the man." The crowd lost its collective mind.
Video messages came in from everyone from Owen Wilson to Rich Eisen, from Tony La Russa to Jalen Rose, from Drew Brees to Dick Vitale, and from Vince Vaughn to Shane Battier. There was little-to-no rhyme or reason.
Except for probably one.
"(Harbaugh) has got a lot of connections," said new running back Kareem Walker, a prospect from New Jersey.
And that's that: Everything connects back to Harbaugh. And Harbaugh only wants to connect with the next great recruits in the country. Vanity be damned. Exploitation be damned. Outside opinion be damned.
As Walker said: "The only people that are going to hate it are the people that are not here and the people that didn't get the attention. So we're not really worried about them."
If you have any doubt, realize that Wednesday began with a video presentation on "The First Year of the Jim Harbaugh Era."
Its title?
"FOOTBALL GODS."
Then the day ended with the nation's No. 1 recruit, Rashan Gary, announcing his commitment to the Wolverines. Harbaugh smiled to the crowd, "Backstage they tell me we got some really good news." A fervor washed over the building.
Subtly is no longer a hymn, at least not in this religion, and Michigan football will make its own praise.
