Your post is a joke.

[ulukinatme]

You know at the end of McDonald's commercials they say "Prices and participation may vary?" I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner and not participate in anything.
"Hamburgers? Nope. We've got spaghetti! And blankets. We are not affiliated with that clown, he attracts too many children."



"You can have this product for four easy payments of 19.95." I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin' complicated payment! We ain't gonna tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch. The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination; good luck, fucker! The last payment must be made in wampum!

 

[ndfi78]

I'd never heard him before but I had a friend convince me to go to a Hedburg show. So damn funny. Converted to fan then and there.

 

[Cackalacky]

"I've got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "No". So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say "no" to. "Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have 3 settings? Liar!" My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit."

 

[md_bennett]

If 13 is unlucky then 12 and 14 are guilty by association. "Where were you last night 12?" "I was with 11, you can talk to 14 about that shit." "14?" "Me divided by two equals seven...ok fine i was with 13."

The letter 'B' looks like a scrunched together 13. "Hi what's your name?" "Bob." "GET THE FUCK AWAY!"

 

[Cackalacky]

Glad someone actually posted Elam news. This thread was getting a bit out of hand.

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

 

[Bogtrotter07]

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

 

[GowerND11]

"An escalator can never break--it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.'"

 

[Bogtrotter07]

It’s very dangerous to wave to people you don’t know because what if they don’t have hands? They’ll think you’re cocky.

 

[connor_in]

It’s very dangerous to wave to people you don’t know because what if they don’t have hands? They’ll think you’re cocky.

EEEWWWWWWWW...

My word, Man!!! What are you waving at them!!!!????????

 

[Cackalacky]

"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."

 

[Cackalacky]

I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.

 

[greyhammer90]

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone...

 

[Irishnuke]

I'm against picketing but I don't know how to show it.

 

[GATTACA!]

If carrots got you drunk rabbits would be fucked up

 

[Cackalacky]

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."#BBN

 

[GoldenIsThyFame]

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

 

[ThePiombino]

"I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton. That’s a cool story. It’s as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton. I’ve done that way more."

 

[Irish#1]

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

 

[RallySonsOfND]

Yes I know 'Licence' is spelled 'License'. Stole this from a website.

 

[NDdomer2]

"I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton. That’s a cool story. It’s as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton. I’ve done that way more."

what was the other thread these were in?

 

[dshans]

Yes I know 'Licence' is spelled 'License'. Stole this from a website.

You get a dshans bye on this. It's an accepted British/Candian spelling. I show no favour or savour no particular colour.

 

[peoriairish]

what was the other thread these were in?

This one. Look a few pages back, unless they were cleaned up.

Edit: Still there. Starts at post 1058.

 

[GoldenIsThyFame]

If you're a fish and you want to become a fish stick, you would have to have very good posture. You can't be a slouchy fish, or you will be a fish clump. And they're never popular at parties. "Hey Mitch, whatcha got on that hors d'oeuvre tray?" "Fish clumps." "F*k, let me get a nacho..."

 

[RallySonsOfND]

You get a dshans bye on this. It's an accepted British/Candian spelling. I show no favour or savour no particular colour.

Did I catch dshans with a typo!?

 

[NDdomer2]

I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "Fuck it, cut em up!"

 

[Cackalacky]

Lol. Gotta love the mods let this go. Thanks guys!

 

[GoldenIsThyFame]

I'll move it all to the joke thread tomorrow

 

[dshans]

Did I catch dshans with a typo!?

Yes. Yes you did. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winnah!!!

You may now pick from:

1) a hair shirt that I will wear for 3 months
2) a 13 hour flagellation
3) flogging with a wet noodle daily for a year.

(Keep in mind that it's winter in Minnesota and a hair shirt for a few months has a certain appeal.)

 

[Irishnuke]

I'm against picketing but I don't know how to show it.

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

Oh really?

 

[GoldenIsThyFame]

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

I'm against picketing but I don't know how to show it.

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

Oh really?

We both suck