is this rock bottom?

nlroma1o

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Hey guys...

I think I might be losing it...

My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me last night. Im sitting here at work and I cant focus on anything. Ive never been more angry in my entire life.

I never thought this would happen to me...

I dont know what to do with myself...

I need some advice.
 

PANDFAN

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it seems like life is over and you will never bounce back...relax, this is a temp situation...time heals...it seems like this is the dumbest advice at the time...but in the end you realize, each day will get easier...did something happen that caused this? specific event or buildup
 

BestBIrish47

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You need to take a few personal days from work, surround yourself with your close friends and family, and stay busy. This too shall pass, and as hard as it seems right now, you will get over this, we have all been there in some capacity. When I went through my divorce, I started getting back to the hobbies and activities I gave up. It helped me tons. Hang in there man.
 

Sherm Sticky

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You are just going to have to ride it out. Try to do things that will keep your mind off of her. Don't be afraid to cry. When my ex-wife and I separated and I found out she was seeing someone else I broke down and cried one day during work infront of co-workers. Do thing you enjoy to do that you love, but haven't done recently since you were in relationship. At least it's football season and you have ND football to keep you occupied. I also found going to church and praying helped out a lot. It's going to be extremely tough, but just hang in there. I know it's cliché, but the more time that passes the better you will feel. You will move on and be happier and a better person I promise.
 
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nlroma1o

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it seems like life is over and you will never bounce back...relax, this is a temp situation...time heals...it seems like this is the dumbest advice at the time...but in the end you realize, each day will get easier...did something happen that caused this? specific event or buildup

long story short. we were perfect for over 3 1/2 years. never fought. always could work things out. then she went and studied abroad last spring. she got back and she changed. chagned towards me. changed towards her family, changed towards our relationship. she broke up with me bc she didnt know who she is anymore or what she wants to do with her life... shes absolutely insane... she thinks life is going to be a party after she graduates in may... shes going to get a wake up call
 

ND_HAS_RISEN

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long story short. we were perfect for over 3 1/2 years. never fought. always could work things out. then she went and studied abroad last spring. she got back and she changed. chagned towards me. changed towards her family, changed towards our relationship. she broke up with me bc she didnt know who she is anymore or what she wants to do with her life... shes absolutely insane... she thinks life is going to be a party after she graduates in may... shes going to get a wake up call

I've been there bro, we all have. It's very tough to deal with in the moment, and it will definately take some time to heal. Don't dwell on the past. Try to stay busy, pick-up some old/new hobbies. Go meet some new people. I don't recommend immediately jumping on someone else though, cause those almost always end worse. Kick it with your boys and just have fun! Everything will get better in time, I PROMISE!
 

Endzone2

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I'll bet there aren't any hot hookers in a place like Granger, IN either. Just kidding you!

My brother went with a girl for 4 years in high school and then another 3 after that. They never got married and eventually broke it off.

I think this is all out of insecurity. You may think it would be too tough for you to find another girl. You should of broke it off 3 years ago instead of waiting for her to do it. But maybe you're not telling the real story either. Maybe you guys dated around the past 4 years always wondering if you would get back together. You post seems to lack emotion and sincerity to me. My apologies if I'm incorrect.

Oh, and BTW, with the next girl, don't get involved sexually with her before you're married. It distorts your objectivity about where you really are in that relationship. Thanks.
 
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Rhode Irish

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Just be prepared to get terrible advice from everyone you know. People that are in relationships will tell you what they would do if they were suddenly single. People that are single won't understand what your problem is. As for my terrible piece of advice: to the extent possible, don't spend much time thinking about her. Spend your time thinking about you. Be selfish. Do what makes you happy. Lean on your boys. A new phase in your life starts today. Make it count.
 

BeauBenken

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I'm young so I'm perhaps not as experienced as other, but when my long time girlfriend broke up with me I was upset. Simply because I thought I was going to be done with all that ****. So is not the case. Where I thought every girl wants to settle down, I was sorely mistaken. She didn't want to be so serious at a young age. (Good grief she could have told me that :p)

Anyways, my immediate reaction was like yours. Then it turned to the "Let's get laid. **** that bitch!" mode.

You know when I truly felt happy again though? When I forgot about her, when I forgot about always trying to get laid, and when I focused on accomplishing my goals. If there's stuff you want to do. Do it now! I'm not saying go buy a Dodge Charger or something like that, but if there is more schooling you want to do maybe now is a good time. If you're not where you always wanted to be in your career, work your *** off and get to where you want to be.

Besides, when you stop looking for chicks all the time, the good ones fall into your lap.

Good luck and take care brother! I'm running late for class!

Note: I think Rhode Irish said some good advice. Kinda what I was getting at. Be selfish! What do you wanna do?
 

GO IRISH!!!

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That really sucks bro. Echoing the others above, we have all been there and at the time it feels like it will never get better.

Anything you can do to stay busy. Hobbies are great. I found working out to be even better. Some sort of physical outlet will help the frustration and anger you are feeling.

Just know it is okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling at the time. You will be sad, pissed, confused, depressed, apathetic, resentful and a million other things and it is okay. Just acknowledge the feeling and let it run its course.

Do something you have never done before. Take off on a trip you wouldn't normally take. When a very serious relationship of five years ended for me right after college (and it ended badly, to say the least) I took off backpacknig across the Western US. Took of for 10 weeks by myself. I had just read a book called "Blue Highways" by William Least Heat Moon and it came from a very similar place I was in at the time.

The challenge of the trip and the newness of everything kept my mind busy. I met tons of great people and experienced people's kindness along the way.

With or without a trip like that, it will get better. Stick with your boys. Its time to circle the wagons and take care of yourself.

Hang in there dude! We're here for you too!!!
 

tko

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Hey guys...

I think I might be losing it...

My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me last night. Im sitting here at work and I cant focus on anything. Ive never been more angry in my entire life.

I never thought this would happen to me...

I dont know what to do with myself...

I need some advice.

go listen to judas priest and contemplate life.
 

Irish Fam

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You are just going to have to ride it out. Try to do things that will keep your mind off of her. Don't be afraid to cry. When my ex-wife and I separated and I found out she was seeing someone else I broke down and cried one day during work infront of co-workers. Do thing you enjoy to do that you love, but haven't done recently since you were in relationship. At least it's football season and you have ND football to keep you occupied. I also found going to church and praying helped out a lot. It's going to be extremely tough, but just hang in there. I know it's cliché, but the more time that passes the better you will feel. You will move on and be happier and a better person I promise.

This. Good luck homie.
 

nlroma1o

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I'll bet there aren't any hot hookers in a place like Granger, IN either. Just kidding you!

My brother went with a girl for 4 years in high school and then another 3 after that. They never got married and eventually broke it off.

I think this is all out of insecurity. You may think it would be too tough for you to find another girl. You should of broke it off 3 years ago instead of waiting for her to do it. But maybe you're not telling the real story either. Maybe you guys dated around the past 4 years always wondering if you would get back together. You post seems to lack emotion and sincerity to me. My apologies if I'm incorrect.

Oh, and BTW, with the next girl, don't get involved sexually with her before you're married. It distorts your objectivity about where you really are in that relationship. Thanks.

We didnt date around there was never anyone else. Im telling you the full honest truth. Everything was golden until she went abroad. We talked about everything. She wanted to marry me, have kids. We were already looking around as to where we wanted to move to when she graduates this coming may... Im sorry you dont feel any emotions from my writing. Im devasted, numb, lifeless...
 

tko

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We didnt date around there was never anyone else. Im telling you the full honest truth. Everything was golden until she went abroad. We talked about everything. She wanted to marry me, have kids. We were already looking around as to where we wanted to move to when she graduates this coming may... Im sorry you dont feel any emotions from my writing. Im devasted, numb, lifeless...

you will rebound. things happen for a reason, even though the waters are murky right now. hang in there man and keep posting here. we will keep you on the right track.
 

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As your attorney I advise you to start drinking,


*AND/OR*


sack up because getting dumped by a cold hearted "I dont know where my life is going" b***h happens to us all.
 

AdmiralBackhand

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Keep your head up. I'm sorry to hear about your hardship and there is nothing you can really do except to keep yourself busy. Time will do the rest, for the most part.

The next girl to come along will not be "the one" so don't shack up too quickly. It wont end well.

Good luck!
 

LuckyDomer

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My wife and I started dating 10 years ago in high school. During college we broke up 2-3 times, but obviously we got back together and have been married for 4 years. We both kind of wanted to be on our own during college. I definitely wouldn't sit around and wait for her to come back, but if it is meant to be than she might come around as me and my wife both did.
 

NDFan4Life

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Things may not look good now, but you'll evetually get over it. There's been a lot of good advice in this thread. Hang out with your friends, talk to a priest or counselor, do something for yourself. Take yourself out to dinner. I know it's tough, but you have friends here who care and want to help.
 

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I am not going to sugar coat it. Getting your heart broke will hurt for a long time, you need to find things YOU enjoy and go with it. Find a new hobby, hang with friends you couldn't spend time with whilst with her, hook up with some strange a55. Just don't be a crying my life is over without her wanker about it.
 

nlroma1o

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I dont even know WHAT to do. Im the type of person that needs to constantly have goals. But when i was her the only goal i had was to spend my life happy with her. Thats what made me happy. Im a simpleton when it comes to things. I dont need money, cars, clothes... no i have no idea what i am supposed to want.
 

AdmiralBackhand

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I dont even know WHAT to do. Im the type of person that needs to constantly have goals. But when i was her the only goal i had was to spend my life happy with her. Thats what made me happy. Im a simpleton when it comes to things. I dont need money, cars, clothes... no i have no idea what i am supposed to want.

Hmm this is definitely not a good scenario. Keep yourself surrounded by your loved ones. Talk to people who have been there, possibly at church or contact your priest/deacon.
 

dre1919

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Dude, I've been in the same place you are right now at least twice before and thought everything was a gigantic mess. I was so in love with these two girls (in each situation, not at the same time lol) and I thought my whole world was crushed. But, what I learned from that experience is what you will too: It's ok. In fact, I had an epiphany the other day (or what drunks like to refer to as a moment of clarity). I figured out the secret to life. Not the secret of life like "why are we here?"...but the secret to life in how to be successful, confident, ok, strong and at peace with everything. Wanna know what it is? Two words.

Don't Panic.

When I was in high school, all I wanted was a girlfriend. I got to college, and was much, much more popular with women. Today, I'm married to a VERY beautiful woman that could easily model was hot enough to be a feature dancer at her strip club she used to work for. All that time I thought "This is the girl I'll be married to!" were COMPLETELY wrong. I couldn't possibly imagine being with those women now that I know my wife today. In fact, I look back and think "Wow...they were NOTHING what I would want today" and back then, they were my whole world! I would have never even listened to that talk then. :)

The "Don't Panic" concept applies to everything if you look deep enough into the issue. Work, school, career path, self confidence....if you just stop worrying, believe in yourself and don't let yourself get rushed or panic about where or what you are in life, it really really helps.
 

NDFANnSouthWest

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There is some awesome advise above...bottom line is that time determines all...what i mean is that you may think this whole time she is the one- however, god has bigger plans for you.

Please go read Proverbs 3: 5,6
 

Whiskeyjack

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I dont even know WHAT to do. Im the type of person that needs to constantly have goals. But when i was her the only goal i had was to spend my life happy with her. Thats what made me happy. Im a simpleton when it comes to things. I dont need money, cars, clothes... no i have no idea what i am supposed to want.

This may be the root of the problem. Defining yourself by another person is a recipe for unhappiness. You can't make someone else happy in a relationship until you're confident on your own.

Break-ups like this are similar to the death of a family member, and the remedy is the same: support. Family, friends, prayer, etc. You're fortunate enough to live by our beloved Notre Dame. Hit up the Grotto as often as you can.

Get your **** wet

There is some awesome advise above...bottom line is that time determines all...what i mean is that you may think this whole time she is the one- however, god has bigger plans for you.

Please go read Proverbs 3: 5,6

The juxtaposition of these two posts is hilarious.
 

Who'saWildManNow

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I dont even know WHAT to do. Im the type of person that needs to constantly have goals. But when i was her the only goal i had was to spend my life happy with her. Thats what made me happy. Im a simpleton when it comes to things. I dont need money, cars, clothes... no i have no idea what i am supposed to want.

That's your problem. You need to get out of Granger dude. Seriously, you probably feel like the world is the sad, four walls your sitting in right now.

I don't know your age, your finances or school situation.. but if you are that distraught you need change.

What are your friends and family doing for you?

Better yourself.. and don't ever rely solely on one person for your happiness. Especially when you are young.
 
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