I believe that many good "sensitive" people are actually tone-deaf to the effect that their pressures place on other good people. I also believe that many black Americans do not realize how much reverse prejudice has been placed in front of good non-black citizens, who are genuinely happy to support anti-racism but aren't wearing slogans and marching.
Example: I was a pretty good amateur basketball player. Therefore I was often considered as an outsider not belonging in what some sportswriters call "the Black Man's game." I got the racism rammed down my throat all the time --- not just who gets to play or gets the ball passed to them (I scored 52 points in an intramural game; this was not about not being a capable scorer), this was about being shouted at while playing as not belonging in the game at all. So ... you say: "Well, now you know what it feels like." Yes. That's true, and I'll even go further and say that my experiences playing ball and even walking down the street were minor compared to 24/7 racism. But the point still is: being treated that way, and over and over again, did not increase my affection for any aspect of the greater cause.
Was that a less-than-what-Jesus-would-do personal failure? Of course. That doesn't make its effects less real, sadly. I've been assaulted (pretty ineffectively but still with a knife and racist challenge commentary) once. I've had bums come to my front door even at night almost demanding handouts (this in a neighborhood consisting of diverse racial stocks in pretty even proportions and poverty levels), I've had a kid try to spit on me with no prior interaction at all, I've had a piece of garbage try to pick a fight with me, again I was just sitting on the Chicago EL not even looking in his direction, I've had three persons try to initiate a confrontation as I and a female friend were going into a grocery store (one even threw a piece of paper at us to get something started) etc etc etc. the list can go on and on, and I mean that. And yes, I have had several black friends in my life, as did my parents.
Every one of these lovely experiences listed had one common factor: the persons initiating them were black. I did have one non-black person initiate one sort of similar incident. He knocked on my door late at night and was near to dying. We got him help at that moment, AND HIS FRIEND WHO WAS VERY HELPFUL WAS BLACK. I perfectly well realize that my life experiences have been mixed and WILDLY different. But there have been LOTS of negatives. I don't know the solution to this. But I think that part of it must be this: leadership figures in the black community must not only call for whites to do non-racist things, but they must also call (AND VERY STRONGLY) for blacks to do non-racist things. Example: President Obama made such a call. Instantly unhelpful (and I'm going to tone my language way down here) "leaders" like Jesse Jackson destroyed the impact with their "outrage."
I would really like to live in a color-blind nation or even a color-blind city. I don't. I don't even live in a color-blind mind, despite decades of really trying as a teacher and Catholic. It's too late for me. I hate that. I hope that the younger generations can somehow put a better face on that. This state in which I find myself is, I am sure, the state-of-mind (minus the good upbringing from my father and our Catholic faith) that fuels the deep-red voting block in non-urban USA and ferociously divides us. We are a sick country. We are not a community of neighbors. Short of killing each other and building strong walls (both the worst social engineering solutions ever), I really see no light in this tunnel. .... still at 80 I will continue to write my checks to good causes for the poor and the broken families, and pray, ... and hope that leaders of all the relevant colors will take their podiums and scream at all of us looking this right in the eyes, and not let up on the message that it is WE the individuals that need to take the responsibility --- not government programs, especially not outrageously huge racially-determined handouts, but lots of teach-a-person-to-fish-don't-hand-them-a-fish opportunities.
I have no curatives. .... Wish that I had. Even if just for my own soul.