Wives and the Stupid **** They Say/Do

ulukinatme

ulukinatme

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Been awhile since I've had a good contribution.

So my youngest got this thing as a gift recently.

hand.jpg


I told him earlier this week I'd put it together for him this weekend since he's too young. I tell everyone not to touch anything until I'm ready (As if this hasn't happened before). I get woken up early Saturday morning to my daughter frantically saying, "Come quick! Mommy needs help!" I throw a shirt on and find her in the garage with one of her fingers jammed inside this hunk of plastic:

hand2.jpg


Wife: "Help! I can't get it off!" I tried to pry it outward, but she says that just makes it hurt more, so I ended up cutting the end so it would loosen better. You can see the bit missing at the bottom.

So, she thought she'd be helpful by pushing all the pieces out of the receptacle (There were multiple receptacles), except all those pieces were numbered individually. Some pieces are similar enough that the instructions aren't always clear which piece you need unless you're going strictly off the part number. You can figure it out in the end, but it would have gone faster if the pieces hadn't been removed. Once I freed her finger she decided to throw that junk plastic away, only for me to find that she forgot to knock out two tiny pieces. So I spent a half hour looking around through the carpet thinking they rolled down there. I check the trash and sure enough, there they are still on the bracket.

So, once that was all taken care of I decided to get to work finally. After an hour or two I've got quite a bit done and carpal tunnel starts bugging me, so I decide to take a break for food. The mechanical pieces are all put together, I'm just getting ready to mess with the hydraulics. She's downstairs there watching TV where I'm working, so I tell her, "Don't touch anything, I'll be back in 30." "Okay."

I come back and something is definitely not right. Someone has attached the hoses already to the cylinders, and instead of 3 short hoses for the fingers and 1 long one for the thumb I'm seeing 5 short hoses. "What happened?! Who cut one of the hoses?" "Oh, your son was messing around over there, I don't know." Sure enough my 8 year old fesses up to it, she was sitting right beside him when it happened and didn't say a thing. I threw the damn box across the room.

I just ordered replacement tubing off their website.
 
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NDdomer2

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ulukinatme said:
Been awhile since I've had a good contribution.

So my youngest got this thing as a gift recently.

hand.jpg


I told him earlier this week I'd put it together for him this weekend since he's too young. I tell everyone not to touch anything until I'm ready (As if this hasn't happened before). I get woken up early Saturday morning to my daughter frantically saying, "Come quick! Mommy needs help!" I throw a shirt on and find her in the garage with one of her fingers jammed inside this hunk of plastic:

hand2.jpg


Wife: "Help! I can't get it off!" I tried to pry it outward, but she says that just makes it hurt more, so I ended up cutting the end so it would loosen better. You can see the bit missing at the bottom.

So, she thought she'd be helpful by pushing all the pieces out of the receptacle (There were multiple receptacles), except all those pieces were numbered individually. Some pieces are similar enough that the instructions aren't always clear which piece you need unless you're going strictly off the part number. You can figure it out in the end, but it would have gone faster if the pieces hadn't been removed. Once I freed her finger she decided to throw that junk plastic away, only for me to find that she forgot to knock out two tiny pieces. So I spent a half hour looking around through the carpet thinking they rolled down there. I check the trash and sure enough, there they are still on the bracket.

So, once that was all taken care of I decided to get to work finally. After an hour or two I've got quite a bit done and carpal tunnel starts bugging me, so I decide to take a break for food. The mechanical pieces are all put together, I'm just getting ready to mess with the hydraulics. She's downstairs there watching TV where I'm working, so I tell her, "Don't touch anything, I'll be back in 30." "Okay."

I come back and something is definitely not right. Someone has attached the hoses already to the cylinders, and instead of 3 short hoses for the fingers and 1 long one for the thumb I'm seeing 5 short hoses. "What happened?! Who cut one of the hoses?" "Oh, your son was messing around over there, I don't know." Sure enough my 8 year old fesses up to it, she was sitting right beside him when it happened and didn't say a thing. I threw the damn box across the room.

I just ordered replacement tubing off their website.
Click to expand...
I would not have ordered another.
 
I

INLaw

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ulukinatme said:
Been awhile since I've had a good contribution.

So my youngest got this thing as a gift recently.

hand.jpg


I told him earlier this week I'd put it together for him this weekend since he's too young. I tell everyone not to touch anything until I'm ready (As if this hasn't happened before). I get woken up early Saturday morning to my daughter frantically saying, "Come quick! Mommy needs help!" I throw a shirt on and find her in the garage with one of her fingers jammed inside this hunk of plastic:

hand2.jpg


Wife: "Help! I can't get it off!" I tried to pry it outward, but she says that just makes it hurt more, so I ended up cutting the end so it would loosen better. You can see the bit missing at the bottom.

So, she thought she'd be helpful by pushing all the pieces out of the receptacle (There were multiple receptacles), except all those pieces were numbered individually. Some pieces are similar enough that the instructions aren't always clear which piece you need unless you're going strictly off the part number. You can figure it out in the end, but it would have gone faster if the pieces hadn't been removed. Once I freed her finger she decided to throw that junk plastic away, only for me to find that she forgot to knock out two tiny pieces. So I spent a half hour looking around through the carpet thinking they rolled down there. I check the trash and sure enough, there they are still on the bracket.

So, once that was all taken care of I decided to get to work finally. After an hour or two I've got quite a bit done and carpal tunnel starts bugging me, so I decide to take a break for food. The mechanical pieces are all put together, I'm just getting ready to mess with the hydraulics. She's downstairs there watching TV where I'm working, so I tell her, "Don't touch anything, I'll be back in 30." "Okay."

I come back and something is definitely not right. Someone has attached the hoses already to the cylinders, and instead of 3 short hoses for the fingers and 1 long one for the thumb I'm seeing 5 short hoses. "What happened?! Who cut one of the hoses?" "Oh, your son was messing around over there, I don't know." Sure enough my 8 year old fesses up to it, she was sitting right beside him when it happened and didn't say a thing. I threw the damn box across the room.

I just ordered replacement tubing off their website.
Click to expand...
Nice to see Adam&Eve.com isn’t the only place to order wife torture devices.
 
Cackalacky2.0

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ulukinatme said:
Been awhile since I've had a good contribution.

So my youngest got this thing as a gift recently.

hand.jpg


I told him earlier this week I'd put it together for him this weekend since he's too young. I tell everyone not to touch anything until I'm ready (As if this hasn't happened before). I get woken up early Saturday morning to my daughter frantically saying, "Come quick! Mommy needs help!" I throw a shirt on and find her in the garage with one of her fingers jammed inside this hunk of plastic:

hand2.jpg


Wife: "Help! I can't get it off!" I tried to pry it outward, but she says that just makes it hurt more, so I ended up cutting the end so it would loosen better. You can see the bit missing at the bottom.

So, she thought she'd be helpful by pushing all the pieces out of the receptacle (There were multiple receptacles), except all those pieces were numbered individually. Some pieces are similar enough that the instructions aren't always clear which piece you need unless you're going strictly off the part number. You can figure it out in the end, but it would have gone faster if the pieces hadn't been removed. Once I freed her finger she decided to throw that junk plastic away, only for me to find that she forgot to knock out two tiny pieces. So I spent a half hour looking around through the carpet thinking they rolled down there. I check the trash and sure enough, there they are still on the bracket.

So, once that was all taken care of I decided to get to work finally. After an hour or two I've got quite a bit done and carpal tunnel starts bugging me, so I decide to take a break for food. The mechanical pieces are all put together, I'm just getting ready to mess with the hydraulics. She's downstairs there watching TV where I'm working, so I tell her, "Don't touch anything, I'll be back in 30." "Okay."

I come back and something is definitely not right. Someone has attached the hoses already to the cylinders, and instead of 3 short hoses for the fingers and 1 long one for the thumb I'm seeing 5 short hoses. "What happened?! Who cut one of the hoses?" "Oh, your son was messing around over there, I don't know." Sure enough my 8 year old fesses up to it, she was sitting right beside him when it happened and didn't say a thing. I threw the damn box across the room.

I just ordered replacement tubing off their website.
Click to expand...
So my son got something like this for his birthday and of all the gifts he locked into it and was most excited about it. Problem was it was made of paper and it was like a Star wars R2D2. I looked at it and IMMEDIATELY knew this was going to be the biggest pain in the ass for anyone let alone a kid to assemble. So once we opened it up and looked at it my son was overwhelmed just looking at it. Mind you he has put together some of the mos complex Lego sets there are so he has the patience and ability to to do things like this.

We start pulling pieces out and immediately we realiaze that you can’t just pop them out without bending or tearing the tiny little tabs that connect each piece to the others. So I explained to my son that we would have to get blade to accurately remove each piece so we could assemble it right and that I would do it so he didn’t use the blade.

I told my wife not to mess with it and that I would get back to it. Well life happens and I didn’t get back to it for a few weeks and honestly I was hoping my kid would forget about it :). That didn’t happen. I come home from a 13 hour day at work and find they have removed all the pieces which are in a pile mixed up and both are upset because they can’t get ANY of the pieces to go together because they mangled the tiny paper tabs on every piece.

I’m not going into the guilt trip that was laid down on me by my wife but needless to say I spent the next several hours trying to repair what they did so the thing could be assembled and ultimately failed. Had to throw the whole thing away in the end and I was the bad guy around the house for a while.

I mean tho assemble this thing a person would have to exactly cut out every piece by hand with a blade and then notch out the tiniest of slots in the connecting piece and if these pieces were in any way only slightly deformed or bent they didn’t go together. I honestly have no idea how it would work otherwise and in no way could a kid so this in their own.
 
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Irish#1

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Cackalacky2.0 said:
So my son got something like this for his birthday and of all the gifts he locked into it and was most excited about it. Problem was it was made of paper and it was like a Star wars R2D2. I looked at it and IMMEDIATELY knew this was going to be the biggest pain in the ass for anyone let alone a kid to assemble. So once we opened it up and looked at it my son was overwhelmed just looking at it. Mind you he has put together some of the mos complex Lego sets there are so he has the patience and ability to to do things like this.

We start pulling pieces out and immediately we realiaze that you can’t just pop them out without bending or tearing the tiny little tabs that connect each piece to the others. So I explained to my son that we would have to get blade to accurately remove each piece so we could assemble it right and that I would do it so he didn’t use the blade.

I told my wife not to mess with it and that I would get back to it. Well life happens and I didn’t get back to it for a few weeks and honestly I was hoping my kid would forget about it :). That didn’t happen. I come home from a 13 hour day at work and find they have removed all the pieces which are in a pile mixed up and both are upset because they can’t get ANY of the pieces to go together because they mangled the tiny paper tabs on every piece.

I’m not going into the guilt trip that was laid down on me by my wife but needless to say I spent the next several hours trying to repair what they did so the thing could be assembled and ultimately failed. Had to throw the whole thing away in the end and I was the bad guy around the house for a while.

I mean tho assemble this thing a person would have to exactly cut out every piece by hand with a blade and then notch out the tiniest of slots in the connecting piece and if these pieces were in any way only slightly deformed or bent they didn’t go together. I honestly have no idea how it would work otherwise and in no way could a kid so this in their own.
Click to expand...
You should have locked it in your trunk so they wouldn't succumb to the temptation. That's why they're mad at you! lol
 
ulukinatme

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Cackalacky2.0 said:
So my son got something like this for his birthday and of all the gifts he locked into it and was most excited about it. Problem was it was made of paper and it was like a Star wars R2D2. I looked at it and IMMEDIATELY knew this was going to be the biggest pain in the ass for anyone let alone a kid to assemble. So once we opened it up and looked at it my son was overwhelmed just looking at it. Mind you he has put together some of the mos complex Lego sets there are so he has the patience and ability to to do things like this.

We start pulling pieces out and immediately we realiaze that you can’t just pop them out without bending or tearing the tiny little tabs that connect each piece to the others. So I explained to my son that we would have to get blade to accurately remove each piece so we could assemble it right and that I would do it so he didn’t use the blade.

I told my wife not to mess with it and that I would get back to it. Well life happens and I didn’t get back to it for a few weeks and honestly I was hoping my kid would forget about it :). That didn’t happen. I come home from a 13 hour day at work and find they have removed all the pieces which are in a pile mixed up and both are upset because they can’t get ANY of the pieces to go together because they mangled the tiny paper tabs on every piece.

I’m not going into the guilt trip that was laid down on me by my wife but needless to say I spent the next several hours trying to repair what they did so the thing could be assembled and ultimately failed. Had to throw the whole thing away in the end and I was the bad guy around the house for a while.

I mean tho assemble this thing a person would have to exactly cut out every piece by hand with a blade and then notch out the tiniest of slots in the connecting piece and if these pieces were in any way only slightly deformed or bent they didn’t go together. I honestly have no idea how it would work otherwise and in no way could a kid so this in their own.
Click to expand...

I hope it wasn't much! Sounds like it wasn't made to last given the material. Earlier similar situation though...he really wanted this thing and I had put it off a few weeks after he received it. That was my mistake I guess.

Irish#1 said:
You should have locked it in your trunk so they wouldn't succumb to the temptation. That's why they're mad at you! lol
Click to expand...

This would have worked, if my daughter hadn't taught my son how to open the trunk of my car. I like the idea though, I just need a chest or something for future projects lol
 
ulukinatme

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Seems like a good opportunity to use a pressure washer so you don't break your neck.
 
Irish#1

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My wife did that about 20 years ago. Dislocated her elbow and shattered her wrist. Small bone was sticking out of the skin. She was pissed because the doctor had to cut her sweater and it was her favorite. Lol
 
ulukinatme

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Bishop2b5 said:
This pic could easily have come from my house. This is how my wife opens stuff.
View attachment 3053371
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Yup. Every time I go to change a kid's diaper I reach for the wipes and instead of the entire perforated flap being torn off it'll just be sitting there with a small hole instead. They perforate it for a reason! Boxes get me too, they get tossed into the garage not broken down, then I spend 15-30 minutes on trash night cutting Amazon boxes and diaper boxes so they'll fit flat in the bin.
 
Bishop2b5

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ACamp1900 said:
Who did y’all freakin marry!?!? I swear
Click to expand...
It's sort of like buying a 700hp Ferrari. Yeah, it's fast and handles well, will stop on a dime, sounds like nothing else in the world and driving it is beyond words. But, the mileage sucks, it's unreliable, expensive as hell, and will get you into all sorts of trouble. It's a complicated, mixed up bag of pros & cons.

My wife is good looking as hell, ridiculously smart (our first date we spent an hour talking about black holes and relativity), is tough as nails, great with money, FIERCELY loyal, frequently funny as hell, and is a lot of fun most of the time. She's also bad about not closing anything in the kitchen, loses my tools, shockingly disorganized at home, wastes more food than a Vegas buffet restaurant, and couldn't admit she was wrong to save her life. You take the good with the bad.
 
ACamp1900

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Bishop2b5 said:
It's sort of like buying a 700hp Ferrari. Yeah, it's fast and handles well, will stop on a dime, sounds like nothing else in the world and driving it is beyond words. But, the mileage sucks, it's unreliable, expensive as hell, and will get you into all sorts of trouble. It's a complicated, mixed up bag of pros & cons.

My wife is good looking as hell, ridiculously smart (our first date we spent an hour talking about black holes and relativity), is tough as nails, great with money, FIERCELY loyal, frequently funny as hell, and is a lot of fun most of the time. She's also bad about not closing anything in the kitchen, loses my tools, shockingly disorganized at home, wastes more food than a Vegas buffet restaurant, and couldn't admit she was wrong to save her life. You take the good with the bad.
Click to expand...
Tl/Dr, stopped at the bolded,…. tho I assume you mentioned STIs and penicillin somewhere,…
 
ACamp1900

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Every day my wife gets up early to make me a breakfast like bacon, egg and cheese breakfast lumpia, after opening every packaged food item perfectly I’ll note, but sometimes she forgets to brew my coffee first and let it sit because she knows I like it room temperature,… I swear it’s like she hardly cares.
 
ulukinatme

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INLaw said:
My bathroom one roll of toilet paper per week or thereabouts.
Her bathroom goes through a roll a day. I mean wtf? Are you using fistfuls to do bi hourly at home pap smears?
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Do you have kids? Wives are bad, kids are worse lol.
You should ask if you can install a bidet attachment in her bathroom, they're awesome :laugh:
 
ND87

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Mine has to open any new ...well, *anything*...as soone as it enters the house, especially snacks.
Could have 3 bags of pretzels open, but she'll buy a new variant and open it .
 
Irish#1

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ACamp1900 said:
Every day my wife gets up early to make me a breakfast like bacon, egg and cheese breakfast lumpia, after opening every packaged food item perfectly I’ll note, but sometimes she forgets to brew my coffee first and let it sit because she knows I like it room temperature,… I swear it’s like she hardly cares.
Click to expand...
I see you're still using the threat of deportation to keep her in line.
 
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