Your post is a joke.

[Black Irish]

Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have. #ccjokes #america

submitted bylibbywebster

 

[Black Irish]

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick.

 

[Black Irish]

A woman goes home, angry and disgusted at all the dumb blonde jokes she has to endure at work. She decides to show up her colleagues by memorizing all of the state capitals. The next day at work, someone starts with a blonde joke and the woman yells "I bet I know something that none of you know! I can name ALL of the state capitals!" So a co-worker asks her what the capital of Nevada is. "N" the blonde replies.

 

[BobD]

 

[dshans]

Sooooo ... A woman shouldn't play with a man's penis since he only has one but his balls since he has two?????

 

[arrowryan]

I don't know where to post this so I guess I will just put it here.

I work at the Notre Dame bookstore on Eddy Street. Probably over 60% of our customers that I have helped are from out of town. Today, I was behind the counter working the cash register and I hear this little girl say "these clothes are hideous!!". I looked up and saw a little girl wearing a Florida Gators t-shirt and shorts and she was doing the gator chomp. I have NEVER seen anyone do that on Notre Dame's campus. I was shocked, the only thing I could say was "little girl, you're in the wrong place to be doing that".

I thought it was kinda funny

 

[BobD]

I don't know where to post this so I guess I will just put it here.

I work at the Notre Dame bookstore on Eddy Street. Probably over 60% of our customers that I have helped are from out of town. Today, I was behind the counter working the cash register and I hear this little girl say "these clothes are hideous!!". I looked up and saw a little girl wearing a Florida Gators t-shirt and shorts and she was doing the gator chomp. I have NEVER seen anyone do that on Notre Dame's campus. I was shocked, the only thing I could say was "little girl, you're in the wrong place to be doing that".

I thought it was kinda funny

Was this her?

 

[arrowryan]

Probably ALLGATOR's daughter

 

[Black Irish]

A man walks into a bar and notices a woman that he swears is his wife. He walks up behind her and kisses her on the neck. The woman turns around and slaps him.
"I'm sorry, but you look just like my wife!"
"You lousy, worthless drunk!" The woman exclaims.
"Wow. You sound just like her, too."

 

[Bubba]

In honor of #beatmichigan week...

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."


Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

 

[BobD]

 

[Black Irish]

Do they want to sign you up for a subscription to "The Mousetower" magazine?

 

[Cackalacky]

 

[IrishinTN]

A family is driving too closely behind a garbage truck down the road when the garbage truck hits a bump. A dildo flies out of the back of the truck and slaps against the windshield. It hangs there for a few seconds before tumbling off the car.

Mom, not wanting to give the young children in the back too much of an education, tried to cover and said, "Well, that certainly was a big bug."

Seven year old Johnny leans forward and says, "It sure was. I didn't think anything could fly with a dick that big!"

 

[Cackalacky]

<iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_76-Mjct_WQ?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Sorry. I love Norm.

 

[palinurus]

Do they want to sign you up for a subscription to "The Mousetower" magazine?

No, Commonwheel.

 

[dshans]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Irish
Do they want to sign you up for a subscription to "The Mousetower" magazine?

No, Commonwheel.

Fieldmouse and Scream?

 

[tko]

At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and
they all were standing with an 'A' prior to the final exam. These four friends
were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first 5 problems - worth 5 points.
Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

 

[bigedefense]

There once was this accountant who was a little white guy. With his thickest soled shoes, he was only 5'3" and weighed a mere 120 pounds. Well, one day this little guy got caught doing some big boy tax evasion. He was sentenced to 5 years in the state penitentiary. He looked at his lawyer, with sweat pouring off his brow, and said, "I will be raped repeatedly in prison!!! You have to keep me out!"

Well, the little guy was shipped to his new home for the next 5 years at the 'State Motel" and he was being processed in. He asked one of the guards if there was any way he could get a room by himself. He pleaded with the guard, telling him his fears of repeated rapes. Well, the guard just nodded for the little man to walk this way and he escorted him to his new room. When the little guy looked into that 5'by 8' cell, his knees buckled! Inside was his cell mate. A 6'10', 400 pound of solid muscle, black man stood there waiting on his new cellmate to enter. The guard had to physically shove the little guy into his new home and he then slammed the door shut. WHAM!! The little guy is standing there, clutching to his personal effects around his chest, when his new cellmate breaks the silence.

"Hello, my name is Robert. I am happy to have you as a guest in my home for the next 5 years. I hope you will find that I am easy to get along with. Here, let me give you an example: One of us is gonna be the Husband, and one of us is gonna be the Wife. Now, since you are my guest, I will let you decide."

The little guy was still shaking badly, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, he would be ok if he got to be the 'husband'. He looked at the large man and said, "I I I rrrreally don't want to be either, but if I have to choose,,,,tttthen I I I I gggguess I will chose to be the 'husband'.

Robert sits down with a warm smile and waves a hand as if to say 'see how pleasant'. He looks at the little guy and says, "GOOD! NOW COME SUCK YOUR WIFE'S D1CK!!"

 

[ACamp1900]

Not mine but it’s worth sharing…

So last season Bama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired their coach…
Bama beat Arkansas and Arkansas fired their coach…
Bama beat Western Kentucky and they fired their coach…
Bama even beat Notre Dame and the freaking Pope resigned…


…


Can someone PLEASE get Bama to schedule the White House???

 

[garyasher]

A stranger in an overcoat walks into a bar. He walks up to the bar and opens his coat. From one of the inside pockets, he pulls out a very small piano and sits it on top of the bar. Then from another inside pocket, he pulls out a very small, but matching, piano stool and sits it next to the piano on the bar. Then he pulls out a 10' tall man and places him on the bar, the small man walks to the piano, sits down and starts to play. Everyone in the bar couldn't believe it. A patron from the bar runs up to the stranger, pulls a gun out and demands to know where he got the very small piano player and piano. The stranger steps back and says "I found a bottle in the alley and rubbed it. A Genie came out in a puff of smoke and granted me a wish", the bar patron interrupted "I want that bottle now, take me to it." So the stranger lead him out into the alley and pointed to the bottle. The bar patron ran over, picked it up, rubbed it and was amazed that a genie popped out in a puff of smoke. The genie says "I will grant you one and only one wish, what is your wish?" The man replied, "I want a million bucks?" The sky got dark and suddenly it started raining ducks, ducks were filling up the alley, they were everywhere. Finally it stopped, both men dug their way out of the pile and the gun toting bar patron says, "I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks" and the man in the over coat says, "Do you really think I wished for a 10 " pianist?"

 

[adsnorri]

Lucy calls down her two sons for breakfast one morning. She asks billy(the 10 year old) what he wants for breakfast. He says- ****, I guess ill have the cheerios. She smacks him in the mouth and sends him back to his room. She ask johnny(the 7 year old) what he would like for breakfast. He says- You can bet your *** it won't be cheerios!

 

[Black Irish]

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

 

[military_irish]

 

[BobD]

 

[BGIF]

Marriage is like a deck of cards

Marriage is like a deck of cards

You start out with two Hearts and a Diamond.

You end up with a Club and a Spade.

 

[blueNDgold44]

This one of my Dad's classics when he has had a few too many.

One day there was this man, and he worked on a construction site. He was standing behind one of the front loaders, and he tripped, his arm got caught in one of the moving parts and was clipped clean off. So he went to the doctor. After they stopped the bleeding the doctor told the man "We could put a brand new robotic arm on to replace yours. Just tell it to do anything and it will do it all for you." He said. So of course this guy says "hell yes".
They put the arm on his stump and sent him home.

Once the man got home he went to his sofa. He then decided to play around with the new arm. He looks at the TV. It was off. So he says "Arm, pick up remote" and the arm reaches over and grabs the remote. The guy says "Arm, press power button. Then "Arm, channel 110" and the arm puts the TV on channel 110. He laughed at how awesome it was. Then he started to feel and itch... A downstairs itch. So the man says "Arm, scratch balls", so the arm reached over and scratched. The man suddenly got an idea... He said "Arm, rub penis" and it started to rub. Then the man said.

"Arm... Jerk off"

And then the arm gripped him, and in one swift movement, it LITTERALY JERKED HIS DICK RIGHT OFF OF HIS BODY!
The man screamed "OH ****, F*CK ME!"

Then the arm took his dick and turned it around, and shoved it up his ***.

"HOLY **** LOOK AT THAT" Then the arm took his dick, and stuck it in his eye.

 

[Bogtrotter07]

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving waywardly all over the road.

A member of the Garda Síochána pulls him over.

"So," says the Garda to the driver, "Where have you been?"

" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," returns the Garda, "It looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk replied with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," exclaimed the relieved drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf!"

 

[Bogtrotter07]

Mrs. Finnegan is home making dinner, as usual, when Mike O'Malley arrives at her door.

"Missus, may I come in?" he asks respectfully. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Mike," replies Mrs. Finnegan, "But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling you. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Mrs. Finnegan "Please don't tell me."

"I must - your husband Tim," pauses O'Malley as he looked forlornly down, "is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, through the tears she looked up, "How did it happen?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, did he at least go quickly?"

This seemed to increase the dejected Mike O'Malley even more, as his shoulders slumped to the floor. "Well, Ma'am... No. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

 

[Cackalacky]