The Alabama joke thread

[brandonnash]

All in good fun. Everyone knows they have good football jokes. Now let's hear them. I'll start.

How do you get an Alabama grad off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

A terrorist from Alabama was arrested after trying to blow up a bus containing Notre Dame fans. He was unsuccessful after burning his lips on the tail pipe.

Do you know why they only have drivers ed 3 days a week in Alabama? They have to use the mule the other 2 days for sex ed.

I heard Alabama university's library burned down. All 3 books were lost. And 2 of them had not even been colored in.

 

[Rack Em]

Crimson Tide fans like Nickelback

 

[Whiskeyjack]

All in good fun. Everyone knows they have good football jokes. Now let's hear them. I'll start.

His do you get an Alabama grad off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

A terrorist from Alabama was arrested after trying to blow up a bus containing Notre Dame fans. He was unsuccessful after burning his lips on the tail pipe.

Do you know why they only have drivers ed 3 days a week in Alabama? They have to use the mule the other 2 days for sex ed.

I heard Alabama university's library burned down. All 3 books were lost. And 2 of them had not even been colored in.

Most of these are old jokes that get recycled by every college fanbase against their rivals. Note some of the "gems" on this anti-ND joke site.

Crimson Tide fans like Nickelback

Now them's fightin' werds.

 

[GO IRISH!!!]

Q: How do you know when your staying in a Alabama hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink", and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."

 

[dylan020]

What do Alabama fans and maggots have in common?






They both live off dead Bear for 50 years...

 

[IrishSteelhead]

How is an outhouse different than an Alabama cheerleader?

The hole is smaller, and it smells better.

How do you stop an Alabama fan from smiling?

Hit him in the face with an axe.

Why don't they put ice in drinks at Tuscaloosa?

The guy with the recipe graduated.

Did you hear Nick Saban is running for sheriff?

He wanted to be closer to his players.

What do you have when you get a Bama fan with chew-spit dribbling out of both sides of his mouth?

A well-balanced trailer.

Why do Bama girls wear panties?

To keep their ankles warm.

What does the average Bama fan get on his SATs?

Copenhagen.

How many UA freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. That is a junior level course.

What do you call a Bama fan in a suit and clip-on tie?

The defendant.

 

[NDinFL]

How is an outhouse different than an Alabama cheerleader?

The hole is smaller, and it smells better.

 

[GoldenDomer15]

What do you have when you get a Bama fan with chew-spit dribbling out of both sides of his mouth?

A well-balanced trailer.

You are on fire right now...please keep it going.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

THE MOTHERLODE:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE FAN WHEN.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

 

[NDinFL]

Lmfao, there are some gems in that list^

 

[JoeyGetherall]

All in good fun. Everyone knows they have good football jokes. Now let's hear them. I'll start.

His do you get an Alabama grad off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

A terrorist from Alabama was arrested after trying to blow up a bus containing Notre Dame fans. He was unsuccessful after burning his lips on the tail pipe.

Do you know why they only have drivers ed 3 days a week in Alabama? They have to use the mule the other 2 days for sex ed.

I heard Alabama university's library burned down. All 3 books were lost. And 2 of them had not even been colored in.

You can't mock someone for being stupid and then use the wrong word. Joke sorta loses its bite.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

A man walks into a store and says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of
red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of
white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head
saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims
with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The
clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Two Alabama fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours, when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I'm cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."

 

[brandonnash]

You can't mock someone for being stupid and then use the wrong word. Joke sorta loses its bite.

One letter off and auto correct develops a mind of its own. Will edit.

 

[Kak7304]

These are spectacular. Unfortunately, I could only rep you once.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

These are spectacular. Unfortunately, I could only rep you once.

Haha appreciate it. There will be more. MANY more. I need to take a break and quit hogging the thread though, or maybe merge everything into one post.

 

[FLDomer]

Tooth brush was invented in Alabama.....any other state and it would have been called a Teeth Brush.

 

[irishroo]

Tooth brush was invented in Alabama.....any other state and it would have been called a Teeth Brush.

Average attendance at Bryant-Denny Stadium:
101, 423 people
77, 269 teeth

 

[Shawn Barry]

Everything in here is absolutely amazing lol

 

[irishtrain]

Hey guys please dont get me wrong I understand this is supposed fun. But I will say this-I live down here in West Ga and go thru a lotta crap just wearing a Notre Dame hat most places I go. Its either a negative comment or the smile that turns to a simple may I help you. Point is I wear the hat with the responsibility that says to me act like a Notre Dame fan. Maybe this thread is over the top. In many ways I feel sorry for these folks ( sec people ) its really all they have-think about it- and forgive my critic but when I put on that Notre Dame hat I want to be different than them. This thread doesnt show us as very classy. With that said 'Alabama just made a first down and claimed another national championship'.

 

[Bubba]

Tooth brush was invented in Alabama.....any other state and it would have been called a Teeth Brush.

My favorite one so far.

 

[brandonnash]

Don't go over the top man. I go through the same you do living just north of you in TN. Unlike most on here I am from the south and proud of it. I also know how to poke fun at my own. I meant no harm in this thread. Just for fun. I hold myself as a different fan just like most of us here, but some levity every once in a while isn't terrible.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Hey guys please dont get me wrong I understand this is supposed fun. But I will say this-I live down here in West Ga and go thru a lotta crap just wearing a Notre Dame hat most places I go. Its either a negative comment or the smile that turns to a simple may I help you. Point is I wear the hat with the responsibility that says to me act like a Notre Dame fan. Maybe this thread is over the top. In many ways I feel sorry for these folks ( sec people ) its really all they have-think about it- and forgive my critic but when I put on that Notre Dame hat I want to be different than them. This thread doesnt show us as very classy. With that said 'Alabama just made a first down and claimed another national championship'.

No offense, but I personally would be less offended by recycled jokes on the internet than somebody saying they say feel sorry for me and don't want to be like me.

 

[phork]

LSUFreek is awesome.

 

[IrishinTN]

This is why they are called "jokes"...that being said...

What do you call a genius in Alabama?

A visitor.

 

[Woneone]

How can you tell if an Alabama Cheerleader is on her period?

She's only wearing one sock.

 

[Jason Pham]

I know this is all in good fun, and generally I wouldn't be totally opposed to it, but given our exposure to trolls at the moment, I have to close this thread so not to invite more of them in.