The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants,".
A woman walks into a restaurant and takes a seat. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly, with the Waiter right behind her. Shocked, she sits back up abruptly, glares at the waiter and shouts "Stop That!" To which the Waiter replies "Sure, Which Way Did It Go?"
Man goes to a brothel. The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference. Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside the door. The Polack comes out in five minutes. "How was it?", says the Madam. "I don't know," says the man, "I bit her on the tit and she farted and flew out the window!"
An elderly couple go to church one Sunday. Halfway through the service, the wife leans over and whispers in her husbands ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?" The husband replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."