Book of Irish, Chapter 125
14 On a dark night in South Bend, already far into a contest with the people of Michigan, there was but 3 points on the board for the Irish. The strength of the Defensive Apostles had kept the Philistine, Denard Robinson, from encroaching on their territory. Led by Saint Te'o, the Apostles turned away Michigans advance and many, many times intercepted the stones Robinson cast from his hand. Yet, the Offensive Apostles could likewise not breach the defenses of the Michigan stronghold.
The mighty Kelly then looked above. An angel appeared to deliver the message from the heavens:
"Send forth Reesus, for he shall carry the Irish to victory."
Kelly heard the angel and obeyed. Once more he pulled the prophet Golson from the game, and there was a great gnashing of teeth. Reesus appeared to lead the Irish into battle, his faith undeterred.
Reesus handed the rock to disciple Atkinson, yet the Michigan army pursued and dropped him for a 3 yard loss. Reesus still had faith. With a mighty heave he tossed his stone to the great Davaris Daniels for a 16 yard gain providing a down of the first degree. Disciple Riddick carried the ball twice, but the gains were meager against the opposition. Reesus then looked to the heavens and delivered a righteous strike to disciple TJ for a 24 yard gain, a mere 6 yards from the Wolverine's goal. Michigan hardened their hearts, for they would not allow the Irish to score. They interfered with Reesus's pass, prompting the striped wise men to penalize them for their ways. Then, and much to the disbelief of all, Reesus took the rock and somehow found his way past the enemy lines to score. There was much cursing and shock in the lands of Michigan on this day.
16 Late in the contest the score between both armies lay fixed at 13 to 6 in favor of the Irish. Time was short with only 3 minutes remaining and the enemy growing desperate. Despite hard running from disciple Riddick, there was yet 4 yards preventing the Irish from claiming victory. On a last attempt to prevent the Wolverines from invading their lands, Reesus found his disciple Eifert on a miraculous 38 yard pass that drove a dagger into the hearts of the enemy. It was enough to lift the spirits of the Irish and crush the Skunk Bears for good. Disciple Riddick continued to run the ball until time had expired. There was much rejoicing once again in South Bend with the Philistine, Robinson, finally defeated. Reesus exclaimed:
"Blessed are the Irish, for they shall not allow Michigan to taint this land again. Woe to those that call themselves Wolverines, for they are rodents and shall burrow into the soil to hide their sins!"
The legions of Irish in South Bend sang joyfully a most wonderful birthday wish to their fallen enemy as he left the field. The great Kelly beheld this and said "It is good." Despite all this, they still did not believe in Reesus.
You know, Lynch could work as Judas as well.
