Your post is a joke.

[BobD]

So this isn't a joke, but I thought it was funny.

Tonight at a family run Italian restaurant we frequent, the chef Mario replying to a compliment about his homemade sausage says loudly in a thick accent "the secret to a good sausage is fresh anise" bahahaha! Good times.

 

[dshans]

... "the secret to a good sausage is fresh anise."

As they say, "You might like the taste of the sausage, but you really don't want to know how it's made."

 

[BobD]

 

[Black Irish]

So this isn't a joke, but I thought it was funny.

Tonight at a family run Italian restaurant we frequent, the chef Mario replying to a compliment about his homemade sausage says loudly in a thick accent "the secret to a good sausage is fresh anise" bahahaha! Good times.

You really set that one up for him. A slow pitch right over the center of the plate.

 

[Irish#1]

Saw on a coffee cup........."Organized people are just too lazy to look for things."

 

[Black Irish]

Did ya hear up the guy who was half Irish and half Scottish? He ordered a pint of Guinness and spent the whole time drinking it trying to figure how he wouldn't have to pay for it.

 

[dshans]

A Frenchman, a Russian and an Irishman walk into a bar/pub. Rounds and rounds of Cabernet, Vodka and Guinness are ordered and consumed.
In the wee hours of the morn there were toasts.

"Vive la France!"

"Ukraine is Ours!"

"Fuck Michigan!"


Just a typical night.

 

[Irish#1]

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center.

After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time
for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a
trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time."
said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew
from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and
chain.

"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the
watch high for all to see.

"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family
for six generations" said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting:

"Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch"

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.

The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.

A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently
swaying watch.

They were hypnotized and then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!

The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact"

"SHIT" said Claude.

It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens ' Center and
Claude was never invited there again.

 

[Black Irish]

Why shouldn't you try to write using a broken pencil?

It's pointless.

 

[BobD]

 

[BobD]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JgTGZNE-wdg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[BobD]

 

[Irish#1]

BEER vs. PUSSY:

1. Beer is always wet. Pussy needs a little work. - One point to BEER
2. Warm beer tastes awful. - One point to Pussy
3. A really cold beer is satisfying. - One point to BEER
4. If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. - One point to Pussy
5. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten Pussies in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere. - One point to Pussy
6. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer.
If you eat any pussy in public, you become a legend. - One point to Pussy
7. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of Pussy he may buy you a beer. - One point to Pussy
8. Beer is usually fresh. - One point to BEER
9. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much Pussy and you'll think you've seen God. - One point to PUSSY
10. In most countries there's a tax on beer. - One point to PUSSY
11. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off - One point to BEER
12. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or can. - One point to BEER
13. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but it eventually settles down. - One point to BEER
14. You always know how much beer is going to cost - One point to BEER
15. Beer doesn't have a mother - One point to BEER
16. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you've drank it - One point to BEER
17. If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them.

FINAL SCORE: BEER 10
PUSSY 7

 

[Buster Bluth]

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?




I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

 

[Buster Bluth]

Too blue?

 

[BobD]

 

[woolybug25]

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.

He had no arms and no legs.

Three women (from England, Scotland , and Ireland ) were walking past and
felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said, ‘Have you ever had a hug?’ The man said, ‘No,’
so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Scottish woman said, ‘Have you ever had a kiss?’ The man said, ‘No,’ so
she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Irish woman came to him and said,’ave ya ever been fucked, Laddie?’
The man broke into a big smile and said,`no´.

She said, ‘Aye – You will be when the tide comes in.

 

[woolybug25]

I was walking down the street when I came upon a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not giving you money. Here's what we're going to do; I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific home-cooked dinner."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious?

"Don't worry," I replied. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

 

[BobD]

 

[Black Irish]

I bought some bananas yesterday and they're still pretty green. As you know, green bananas don't peel very easily. So I'm standing in my kitchen, struggling to peel a banana and all I can think is that a college-educated adult is having trouble performing a task that a butt-scratching monkey can do with ease between tree limb masturbation sessions. Not a great way to start the day.

 

[no.1IrishFan]

The $50 lesson


I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States. Both of her parents, liberal democrats, were standing there. So I asked her, "If you were president, what is the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people". Her parents beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. But you don't have to wait until you're the president to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull the weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll give you $50. Then I'll take you to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and you can give him the $50 to use toward his new house and food.

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".

 

[BobD]

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

 

[BobD]

 

[GoldenDomer]

 

[palinurus]

Okay, here's a joke:

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar......

Well, it could happen.

 

[Andy in Sactown]

Okay, here's a joke:

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar......

Well, it could happen.

Back in my Navy days, when I got promoted to E-5, I went out to a pretty swanky San Diego bar and our bartender, I remember her name was Angie, told my brother and I, "I don't understand, you've both had enough that you shouldn't be able to stand and you're both totally cool, like you've not been drinking at all."

I just smiled and calmly told her, "we're irish."

She raised her eyebrows, smirked and nodded her head as to infer, oh that's why and accepted my reply.

 

[BobD]

 

[dshans]

Lust is blind?

 

[Bishop2b5]

My brother just called me with this one.

What do you get if you insert human dna into a goat?

Banned from the petting zoo.

 

[GEORGIA DOMER]

Bill Cosby likes pudding. Pudding his shlong were it don't belong!