is this rock bottom?

[ACamp1900]

I've been there... It was real hard... All I can say is focus on you for a while and not things you have no control over... time will heal this, even if that's not what you want to hear right now.

here's hoping it blows over sooner than later.

 

[rikkitikki08]

Figure I'll chip in a few cents from the female perspective....sometimes as crazy as it sounds people really do change, especially after an experience that could "open you up" like being in a different country with basically no real life responsibilities. The status quo back home can seem very uninspiring after that.

Also, as a woman there is constant tension between dreams of a career and things you want to do in the future and balancing that against the expectation of being a mom and having a family (which is something you might really want to do, but it changes everything!) We think we have to do everything and have it all! Throw in the fear that you are only going to look hot for so long (and having kids can mess that up) so you have to do it all while you can...well it can create some erratic behavior!

Not saying this is what she might be thinking or going through, just trying to explain a few things.

I respect your opinion but in no way is that fair to the guy who gave 4 years of his life.....in my opinion she will 100 % regret the decision she made and i hope she does

 

[rikkitikki08]

Thats what i thought SHE was. I met this girl in the most rediculous circumstances 2 weeks after i ended a relationship with a girl. And we were together for 4 years dude.. Its just so f'ed up that people treat one another this way.

I hear ya man, i know nothing we say right now is going to make you feel better believe me i know...but its just one of those things you gotta deal with. Im sorry this happened to you man, i wouldnt wish this on anyone

 

[nlroma1o]

I hear ya man, i know nothing we say right now is going to make you feel better believe me i know...but its just one of those things you gotta deal with. Im sorry this happened to you man, i wouldnt wish this on anyone

its unbelievably surreal... and to think you know someone... so f'ed up

 

[BestBIrish47]

Selfishness can not be justified in any case when it directly hurts someone else. Unfortunately it happens way more than it should, and it will continue to happen. I know you feel blind sided and betrayed, and probably shift from anger, to sadness constantly. Take to heart what we are saying. There are so many parallels in stories here that all apply to your situation. When I split up with my ex wife, I did everything I could to reconcile even though she was at fault. I created mental gymnastics in my head to feel like it was something I did so I wouldn't feel so helpless. And one day, epiphany struck, and I basically said, screw it, I did all I could and can't let this define me. 3 weeks later I met my fiance' and found what actual happiness was. Shortly afterwards my ex tried to come back after leaving the guy she was seeing (while we were married) to reconcile. It was almost to the week where I moved on when she tried to come back. Karma is a very real thing my friend, keep your head up.

 

[WaveDomer]

Good cure for feeling like garbage is to do something for someone else for like 20 to 30 days in a row. Not something like opening a door for a stranger, but something solid. Put together something nice for your mom. Collect some canned goods and take them to a shelter. Stuff like that. It could even be one or 2 bigger projects that take some days.

Honestly, time heals a lot of wounds. It doesn't heal them all. I wouldn't recommend getting wasted or just going out to get lucky, but that's just me. And I would guess that a majority of people here don't know you at all, but we're all putting forth some good vibes and thoughts for you. That counts for something, I think. You have people behind you.

The best advice, which I never took in my life, is to just end it and not drag it out by being friends or any of that stuff. That's bad for you both in the long run.

 

[rikkitikki08]

Good cure for feeling like garbage is to do something for someone else for like 20 to 30 days in a row. Not something like opening a door for a stranger, but something solid. Put together something nice for your mom. Collect some canned goods and take them to a shelter. Stuff like that. It could even be one or 2 bigger projects that take some days.

Honestly, time heals a lot of wounds. It doesn't heal them all. I wouldn't recommend getting wasted or just going out to get lucky, but that's just me. And I would guess that a majority of people here don't know you at all, but we're all putting forth some good vibes and thoughts for you. That counts for something, I think. You have people behind you.

Best post in this thread....take what this man said and run with it

 

[BestBIrish47]

Good cure for feeling like garbage is to do something for someone else for like 20 to 30 days in a row. Not something like opening a door for a stranger, but something solid. Put together something nice for your mom. Collect some canned goods and take them to a shelter. Stuff like that. It could even be one or 2 bigger projects that take some days.

Honestly, time heals a lot of wounds. It doesn't heal them all. I wouldn't recommend getting wasted or just going out to get lucky, but that's just me. And I would guess that a majority of people here don't know you at all, but we're all putting forth some good vibes and thoughts for you. That counts for something, I think. You have people behind you.

The best advice, which I never took in my life, is to just end it and not drag it out by being friends or any of that stuff. That's bad for you both in the long run.

^THIS X100.. Really good stuff here

 

[PigtownIrish]

I'm in no way condoning the behavior by the ex here. Just trying to point out some of the pressures and internal issues that lead to bad (and selfish) decisions.

Like others have said and have experienced for themselves, she probably will regret it and try to come back but by then you will have moved on! For every girl who acts like this, there are several more of us who have figured it out are looking for a legit guy like you!

 

[GBdomer]

I had a girlfriend for four years and we broke up a while ago. Its not that sweet to forget about. Just keep on keepin on. Drink some beers, smoke whatever and just keep your head on right. Good luck man we got your back if you never need to chat.

 

[NDOM]

Hey guys...

I think I might be losing it...

My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me last night. Im sitting here at work and I cant focus on anything. Ive never been more angry in my entire life.

I never thought this would happen to me...

I dont know what to do with myself...

I need some advice.

Sorry to hear that bro. That's tough. My girl and I have been together for 10 years in may and if she ever left me I would be devastated. All I know is that time heals. It's gonna suck for probly a few months then when you least expect it you find someone else and start all over. Good luck.

 

[irishfanjho15]

Time will heal all wounds my friend, trust me. Went through a similar situation with a girl for four years, until she did the one thing I could never look past. She was scared to be wrong in her decision to be with me and now she is pretending to be ok and happy. She is not. I have had a heap of bad days since, but in the end I have my friends, I have my family, I have my IRISH, and I still wake up and find the courage to keep on, keeping on. You will find as you progress through this tough time that you can move on and that you will be ok. I never thought I would and now I know that I was wrong.

And at least the Irish are 1-2 and not 0-3, things could be much worse.

 

[Endzone2]

We didnt date around there was never anyone else. Im telling you the full honest truth. Everything was golden until she went abroad. We talked about everything. She wanted to marry me, have kids. We were already looking around as to where we wanted to move to when she graduates this coming may... Im sorry you dont feel any emotions from my writing. Im devasted, numb, lifeless...

Well, so much for my intuitive powers then. I'm not much of an authority on relationships. But you know I was thinking just the other day, "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder". It sounds like you were really crazy about this girl, and that's a good thing. There have been a couple of girls I've known in my life (I'm 54), that I just thought I couldn't live without. They were both really hot, and they both liked me. I thought about them for years. But, when I gave some very careful prayerful consideration to it, I heard very understandable "no" or "not now" from God Himself. You may not believe me, but I know I'm telling you the truth because it happened in my own life. But I don't know where you're at spiritually speaking. Regardless, I wish you all the best. At least you had the courage to pursue a relationship with this girl. That's a good thing.

 

[loomis41973]

Sounds like she found some good peepee while she was abroad.

Sack up man, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[jason_h537]

Just take a couple personal days and let it out at home. Its going to hurt but I promise it won't hurt as much as it does now again.


Also DO NOT go out and get laid because you will just end up crying in someone else bed making an *** of yourself. The fact that you never fought should have also been a red flag. People fight, its healthy.

 

[k1ssme1m1r1sh]

I'm late to the party, but I left an abusive marriage almost 3 yrs ago now, and I was angry too. Angry because I was not raised in violence, angry because I'm college educated, angry because I knew better, and and angry because I did love him at one point. I know it's different for you, but time heals things. You have to stay busy and find something fun to do.

Then concentrate on all the good things you're doing you never would have done with her. I've been to 4 ND games in the last 2 yrs, if I were still married that'd be a big fat zero. Get out and have fun, don't worry about being in a relationship for awhile. Figure out what YOU want. Good luck.

 

[irishfanjho15]

Sounds like she found some good peepee while she was abroad.

Sack up man, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

^^^ Well there's that approach also, lol.

 

[irishfanjho15]

I'm late to the party, but I left an abusive marriage almost 3 yrs ago now, and I was angry too. Angry because I was not raised in violence, angry because I'm college educated, angry because I knew better, and and angry because I did love him at one point. I know it's different for you, but time heals things. You have to stay busy and find something fun to do.

Then concentrate on all the good things you're doing you never would have done with her. I've been to 4 ND games in the last 2 yrs, if I were still married that'd be a big fat zero. Get out and have fun, don't worry about being in a relationship for awhile. Figure out what YOU want. Good luck.

I think every post you make rocks my world, lol

 

[loomis41973]

^^^ Well there's that approach also, lol.

Tough love....lol

 

[irishfanjho15]

Tough love....lol

^^^Truth, my ex cheated on me because she was too weak to communicate with me and was not sure she could be the person she wanted to be in our relationship, and she knew it was the only thing that she should could do to make me lose faith in her, I believe that's called a self fulfilling prophecy. I was crushed, hurt, all that. But I realized how silly it was for me to be hurt by someone who obviously did not "get it" as we say. I'm a much better person for it, and at least we didn't get married and have kids and then it all went bad. I thank my lucky stars now. I'm 26 and the only thing I'm married to is the Irish.

 

[k1ssme1m1r1sh]

I think every post you make rocks my world, lol

Well thanks

 

[Endzone2]

Dude, if you were back in Cincy, I'd say go to one of the restaurants below, and you would definitely feel better--even if it only last a little while. I've traveled around the world quite a bit myself. I've been to all 7 continents and Greenland and 47 of the 50 states. And, yes it's true, in spite of us having to put up with feminism here, American girls are still the most desirable women in the world--especially right here in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area.

 

[Old Man Mike]

You sound like a substantial and serious young man who really cared about this woman whole-heartedly, and was not in the relationship for the "handy-sex", even as a top priority. She was much more than that to you. Because of that, a lot of this "bury yourself in meaningless sex" advice is not going to help, as Jason said. You need to find the solid foundation of your life, and dwell there a bit, and let go.

That foundation will hopefully include an open quiet Church somewhere. Just go in and sit. Healing thoughts will come. The Spirit is always there just at our soul's windows --- open a window up. Thoughts will come about what you still have --- family, friends, work, health, time, ... life will begin to look promising after all. Ways will open to you. You'll begin to be thankful for what you have.

Now the tough part, but the fastest way to healing: forgive her. She messed up. She's making bad decisions. You used to really love this person. Forgive her. Hope that she straightens out her life. Hard...I know...it will come if you let it. Forgiveness is paradoxically more about ourselves than the one forgiven. You, I, we cannot heal the other. But we can remove the lead that has been laid upon our souls. Let her go. Walk lightly. Go into the light --- there's a lot of it out there...and a lot of very nice people who really DO want to be part of your life.

God bless you.

 

[Irishnuke]

I'm going to give you a little different perspective than others on here. I don't like to sugarcoat anything.

This is not rock bottom. If this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you then congrats. You've had a pretty good life so far. Two friends of mine had to bury their one and half year old daughter last year. She was sick and died in her sleep in their bed. Her autopsy was inconclusive. That's f'n rock bottom.

Fact of the matter is, we only know your side of the story. We'll never know what she was thinking. Maybe she thought your relationship was going nowhere. Whatever the case may be, it's better that she did this now than wait any longer.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. No BS. I get that you are sad. It's very apparent by your comments. Looking for sympathy on the internet probably isn't the best thing to do. No offense, but IMO it's bordering on pathetic. To me it shows that you don't have any self esteem and are looking for others, who you don't know, to take your side and make you feel better. You'd think you'd turn to your friends and family before IE. Get off of your computer and go surround yourself with your buddies or family. If you need counseling, go see a pastor, priest, whatever...just not a website.

Life will go on and will get better if you let it. You're 23. Years from now you might see that this was the best thing that ever happened to you. If you need counseling, go see a pastor, priest, whatever...just not a website.

 

[k1ssme1m1r1sh]

I think it takes people a long time into adulthood to figure it out...of course my friends and family think I'm destined to be a cat lady screaming for kids to stay off my grass, but I need a partner. Someone who's not a afraid to argue with me, stand up for themselves, but also have my back through thick and thin. People need to be treated like equals in a relationship. That's the problem, too many women want to control their men, and vice versa, so in essence she did you a favor. If she doesn't know what she wants out of life, you don't wanna wait till after marriage and babies to find that out.

Besides you can always drink, Jack, Johnny, Jim, and Jose never let me down...I kid I kid

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I think it takes people a long time into adulthood to figure it out...of course my friends and family think I'm destined to be a cat lady screaming for kids to stay off my grass, but I need a partner. Someone who's not a afraid to argue with me, stand up for themselves, but also have my back through thick and thin.

Will the real Beau Benken please stand up?

 

[Endzone2]

You sound like a substantial and serious young man who really cared about this woman whole-heartedly, and was not in the relationship for the "handy-sex", even as a top priority. She was much more than that to you. Because of that, a lot of this "bury yourself in meaningless sex" advice is not going to help, as Jason said. You need to find the solid foundation of your life, and dwell there a bit, and let go.

That foundation will hopefully include an open quiet Church somewhere. Just go in and sit. Healing thoughts will come. The Spirit is always there just at our soul's windows --- open a window up. Thoughts will come about what you still have --- family, friends, work, health, time, ... life will begin to look promising after all. Ways will open to you. You'll begin to be thankful for what you have.

Now the tough part, but the fastest way to healing: forgive her. She messed up. She's making bad decisions. You used to really love this person. Forgive her. Hope that she straightens out her life. Hard...I know...it will come if you let it. Forgiveness is paradoxically more about ourselves than the one forgiven. You, I, we cannot heal the other. But we can remove the lead that has been laid upon our souls. Let her go. Walk lightly. Go into the light --- there's a lot of it out there...and a lot of very nice people who really DO want to be part of your life.

God bless you.

That's great advice Old Man Mike! And, you're right, with about 3.3 billion females on the face of this Earth, there is one for him. If he turns it over to God, he can meet that person a lot faster and she can be a lot more the right one. In fact if you turn it over to God, the only thing you have to consider at that point is if you're the right one.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Now the tough part, but the fastest way to healing: forgive her. She messed up. She's making bad decisions. You used to really love this person. Forgive her. Hope that she straightens out her life. Hard...I know...it will come if you let it. Forgiveness is paradoxically more about ourselves than the one forgiven. You, I, we cannot heal the other. But we can remove the lead that has been laid upon our souls. Let her go. Walk lightly. Go into the light --- there's a lot of it out there...and a lot of very nice people who really DO want to be part of your life.

Agree strongly with this. Hate is poisonous; you have every right to be angry, but hanging onto it will only harm yourself.

The true opposite of love is apathy. If you can't find the grace to forgive her and still love her (not romantically), then aim to forgive and forget her.

 

[TerryTate]

Text an ex and knock it out this weekend.

You'll feel great.

 

[k1ssme1m1r1sh]

Will the real Beau Benken please stand up?

LMAO...I don't even have a smart a$$ comment for this!