/Lights
Marcus Freeman enters stage left and storms into the QB recruit's house without knocking. He abruptly places Jim Harbaugh, who is currently visiting the country's top QB recruit and his family, into a headlock. Harbaugh immediately faints with glee as he clearly enjoys being asphyxiated...usually by inferior men.
"You can sign spend four years learning to sit and pee with this loser", pointing to Harbaugh's limp figure lying in the fetal position, "or you can grow a pair like these at Notre Dame."
Freeman swiftly clears the family's keepsakes off the coffee table and places his nuts on it.
In a moment of clarity, the top QB recruit realizes the error of his ways and, nearly weeping and fighting back his embarrassment, looks up at Marcus Freeman.
Faintly, "I'm not throwing away my shot" from Hamilton can be heard in the distance, but sung by someone with more testosterone than Lin-Manual Miranda, who has a female name.
The top QB recruit looks Freeman in the eyes and says, "Coach Freeman, teach me to be a QB and a warrior."
Freeman meets the recruit's eyes and replies, "Son, sign right here."
The QB recruit immediately signs his LOI and climbs into the Notre Dame helicopter, and is whisked back to South Bend where he will deliver upon Beano Cook's prophecy of two Heisman trophies.
A spotlight shines on Harbaugh. He is still laying lifeless on the living room floor, he has both urinated and deficated his khakis. Upon closer observation, it is clear from the residual stain marks on his pants that this is a frequent occurrence for Harbaugh.
The QB recruit's 10 year old sister can be seen kicking Harbaugh's head repeatedly as the lights fade to black.
/Scene
