18Yr Old Sues for Support After Moving Out

[IrishLion]

What on earth are you talking about? I don't think parents should try to be best buddies with their kids, so that must mean I advocate child abuse? Is that what you're saying?

There are four primary parenting styles: Neglectful, Indulgent, Authoritarian, and Authoritative. I'll let you do your own research to define them. Parents have become so fearful of being "Authoritarian" that they've become completely Indulgent. All the research shows that successful child-rearing generally follows the "Authoritative" path.

I don't think that one quote should be used to automatically assume that he was trying to be his kids' best friend.

My father would probably say that he's harder on the guys that work under him than he was on me. But that doesn't mean he was afraid to correct my behavior if I was being a twat.

It's possible to be a "lenient" parent while still being authoritative.

 

[wizards8507]

I don't think that one quote should be used to automatically assume that he was trying to be his kids' best friend.

My father would probably say that he's harder on the guys that work under him than he was on me. But that doesn't mean he was afraid to correct my behavior if I was being a twat.

It's possible to be a "lenient" parent while still being authoritative.

It's not about that one quote. It's about that quote in conjunction with the reports that he played beer pong with his teenage daughter, etc. It's also about the fact that he made that statement in a court of law in an attempt to show how much of a great parent he was.

 

[Bogtrotter07]

What on earth are you talking about? I don't think parents should try to be best buddies with their kids, so that must mean I advocate child abuse? Is that what you're saying?

There are four primary parenting styles: Neglectful, Indulgent, Authoritarian, and Authoritative. I'll let you do your own research to define them. Parents have become so fearful of being "Authoritarian" that they've become completely Indulgent. All the research shows that successful child-rearing generally follows the "Authoritative" path.

I that right?

Good luck with your world view.

If you were promoting athoritativism, my apologies, your words spoke to me clearly of authoritarianism.

Me, I am repulsed by "authoritarianism." I bet there are a lot of studies show that children reared in authoritarian households have high levels of rebellion, drug abuse, mental health issues, and lower levels of imagination, creativity, self-esteem, and conflict resolution skills.

One study of a hundred kids (Baumrind, 1967) resulted it the general categories you use.

If one knows Baumrind's study, one would never confuse "authoritarian" with "authoritative." Authoritative and authoritarian only have a few letters in common along with the fact that a few boundaries are established, that is all. From looking at the kind, the number, the purpose for, and the flexibility of the boundaries, you can tell whether they are from an authoritarian or authoritative system. You can't get to one "style" from the other.

Authoritarian is one person (parent) in total charge. It is a totalitarian dictatorship within the framework of family relations. And of course the problem is it often ends up mean, inflexible and stupid, unworkable environment.

Authoritative, a different story;

Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents "monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" (1991).

I will take an authoritative style one step further. If you look at the family dynamic, and apply effective leadership training, (lead by example), and continue to elevate the children without excepting, or excusing them, you are ahead. You eliminate most of the hypocrisy, therefore the need for children to disrespect and rebel against authority, and at the same time elevate the child within a clear framework. They become much more engaged in thinking for solutions to their problems, and much more confident in their abilities.

As it is ongoing and performance based they get to think and do for themselves. Boundaries can flex and advance on some things to promote further good development. And if you follow behavior with logical consequences, you can support without tearing down. You can educate and improve future performance without indulging or having to resort in ultimatums or severe punishment. Eventually you get a kid that can express themselves with language, and has a set of morals based upon something as practical as the Golden Rule.

I have a 10 year old who just won a "Character Award" in Fourth Grade, at her elementary school. She has a number of circumstances in her life that none of you would want to take on as your burden I guarantee you. But she never complains. Here is the note I got from her teacher this morning.

Mr. XXBogtrotterXX,

I just wanted to pass along some pleasant news to you about your wonderful daughter. When I passed her math test back to her I commended her on her performance. She scored 30 POINTS higher on the first part of the test than on any other math test this trimester! I was so proud of how hard she worked on this test. She had difficulty with the basic operations, but she was a trooper figuring out the patterns and order of operations. Ms. XXMathspecialistXX pulled me aside today to tell me how much progress she is seeing on a daily basis while working with her.

We are trying a "buddy" activity in our classroom to try to build some new friendships and XXGraceXX's name has come up more than any other student in the class for someone the kids want to get to know and have as a friend. She is a treasure, and even her classmates see her qualities!

Have a great Friday!

It took this young lady courage just to get out of bed and go in to school two years ago. Is everything perfect? No. Kid can't do math to save her life. Is she making progress and becoming confident that she can do it? Unbelievably so!

And I can go one step further. Though I used to have shared custody, I now have sole custody. She used to spend time in a very Authoritarian household, when she wasn't with me!

 

[Whiskeyjack]

wizards mocked Canning for boasting about his indulgent parenting style. Bogs assumed that wizards favors an authoritarian parenting style. Turns out they both favor an authoritative parenting style. *rainbows*

 

[Irish#1]

Bottom line........You carefully pick the times to be friends with your kids. They are not nearly as often as the number of times you need to be a parent.

 

[Cackalacky]

Bottom line........You carefully pick the times to be friends with your kids. They are not nearly as often as the number of times you need to be a parent.

Truth.

 

[wizards8507]

wizards mocked Canning for boasting about his indulgent parenting style. Bogs assumed that wizards favors an authoritarian parenting style. Turns out they both favor an authoritative parenting style. *rainbows*

You win the thread. vBeer incoming.

 

[RDU Irish]

My head hurts from the PhD psycho-babble can we just get back to making fun of the dumb girl who just signed up to be the poster child for entitled youth?

Whatever happened to keeping it in the family? The need for people to air their grievances and throw shit out in the public used to be scorned but now it is glamorized?

 

[IrishLion]

This situation is really just a steady progression of "blame anyone but yourself," and IMO it is more than just "entitled youth."

Now, thanks to this twat, there are going to be kids that think it's okay to seek legal help when they get grounded.

I'm gonna put the over/under at 1 month before there's another "child sues parents" headline.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

My head hurts from the PhD psycho-babble can we just get back to making fun of the dumb girl who just signed up to be the poster child for entitled youth?

Whatever happened to keeping it in the family? The need for people to air their grievances and throw shit out in the public used to be scorned but now it is glamorized?

Social networking sites.

 

[Cackalacky]

If she was my kid, she would have had to install a french drain around my house. If she is going to be a douche about it I will get something out of it....

END.OF.THIS.

 

[wizards8507]

Now...there are going to be kids that think it's okay to seek legal help when they get grounded.

I'm gonna put the over/under at 1 month before there's another "child sues parents" headline.

Don't be a bit surprised when the next case lands in front of an idiot judge who agrees.

 

[Jebediah Springfield]

Rich kid sues parents

IE translation: We are doomed...look at the youth of today!

 

[wizards8507]

Rich kid sues parents

IE translation: We are doomed...look at the youth of today!

What's your point? Are you arguing that the 16-32 generation doesn't have an entitlement mentality?

 

[RDU Irish]

If she was my kid, she would have had to install a french drain around my house. If she is going to be a douche about it I will get something out of it....

END.OF.THIS.

HA! Shut up and mow the yard you insolent twerp! And do a good job or you will have to go do it again!

One of my buddies growing up would frequently be taken out to chop wood with his dad unannounced, early in the morning, ironically usually on mornings after he was out partying too much the night before.

Do the crime, pay the time. And yes both parties understood that the juice was often worth the squeeze.

 

[Jebediah Springfield]

What's your point? Are you arguing that the 16-32 generation doesn't have an entitlement mentality?

So if she is an example of behavior of the 16-32 age group then why haven't they been suing their parents since 1998?

 

[Cackalacky]

HA! Shut up and mow the yard you insolent twerp! And do a good job or you will have to go do it again!

One of my buddies growing up would frequently be taken out to chop wood with his dad unannounced, early in the morning, ironically usually on mornings after he was out partying too much the night before.

Do the crime, pay the time. And yes both parties understood that the juice was often worth the squeeze.

I have far too many stories like this. My dad would take me out in the woods to "help a buddy of his" and there would be nothing to do but work like grubbing, cutting wood, etc.... it was quite effective. Especially after Hurricane Hugo. It was never ending until I had that ah ha moment.

 

[RDU Irish]

Gets you to slow down a bit at the party if you know there is a good chance you will be at the gulag bright and early!

 

[wizards8507]

So if she is an example of behavior of the 16-32 age group then why haven't they been suing their parents since 1998?

They've been too busy #OccupyingWallStreet, demanding free birth control, and voting for politicians who let them stay on daddy's insurance until they're 26 years old.

 

[IrishLion]

One of my buddies growing up would frequently be taken out to chop wood with his dad unannounced, early in the morning, ironically usually on mornings after he was out partying too much the night before.

Do the crime, pay the time. And yes both parties understood that the juice was often worth the squeeze.

This is almost the exact relationship I had with my stepfather while living at home through college haha.

*Door bursts open at 6:45am*

"Get up, found a guy who's going to let us take some firewood. We've gotta haul it and split it."

It was less punishment, and more of a "you gotta work even after you get too drunk" type of a lesson though.

 

[Bogtrotter07]

This is almost the exact relationship I had with my stepfather while living at home through college haha.

*Door bursts open at 6:45am*

"Get up, found a guy who's going to let us take some firewood. We've gotta haul it and split it."

It was less punishment, and more of a "you gotta work even after you get too drunk" type of a lesson though.

Your step-dad and I would get along! And you would probably have something in common with my oldest boys.

 

[Cackalacky]

This is almost the exact relationship I had with my stepfather while living at home through college haha.

*Door bursts open at 6:45am*

"Get up, found a guy who's going to let us take some firewood. We've gotta haul it and split it."

It was less punishment, and more of a "you gotta work even after you get too drunk" type of a lesson though.

Definitely this. I slogged through some years in restaurants and never would have made it without the ability to perform at a high level while partially intoxicated. #thanksdad

 

[rikkitikki08]

I'm all for harping on the last few generations being apart of them. I'm 26 years old and absolutely despise how incredibly sufficient my generation has become on blaming others. I just want to state we aren't all entitled little shits

 

[Bogtrotter07]

I'm all for harping on the last few generations being apart of them. I'm 26 years old and absolutely despise how incredibly sufficient my generation has become on blaming others. I just want to state we aren't all entitled little shits

All this generalization, (and fat,) is a result of mental (and physical) impairment of all the generations alive, as a result of the post World War II incredible over commercialization of our American Society. From the greatest generation, to my boomers, on down. You all spoke in allegory when you talked about the overindulged child, I sat back and laughed, thinking about who everyone was really talking about!

 

[kmoose]

For your amusement:

HILARIOUS VIDEO: These People Think JFK Just Died this Morning | American Overlook

 

[Bogtrotter07]

For your amusement:

HILARIOUS VIDEO: These People Think JFK Just Died this Morning | American Overlook

Hilarious get, kmoose! Really makes you think with the probability that people like this have been around since the beginning of time! Makes you wonder about the history we were taught, doesn't it?

 

[Grahambo]

Working in D.C., I can tell you that 'sense of entitlement' comes in all age, shapes, sizes, and race.

As for me, I'm 27 and I've gone above and beyond and accomplished more then what anybody ever has in family since WWII. It hasn't come easy and I've had to fight for every inch of it.

 

[Bogtrotter07]

wizards mocked Canning for boasting about his indulgent parenting style. Bogs assumed that wizards favors an authoritarian parenting style. Turns out they both favor an authoritative parenting style. *rainbows*

Hahahahaha. This is a quote from the dad.



Maybe that's where you went wrong, dumbass. You probably should have tried "parenting" instead of being your daughter's BFF.

Whiskey, Wizards, and everyone else :

It is not about what parenting style anyone "favors." It is about your own personal limitations as they apply to that. And all I have to go by is a posters words.

I don't know what parenting style anyone favors. I don't know anyone on this site. People can say anything. Someone could portray themselves as Dread Pirate Roberts and really be Buttercup for all I know. Or someone could claim to be Wesley, and really be Prince Humperdinck, or even, (God forbid!), Vizzini!!!

I am watching this thread. I am reading the posts. It is pretty much an opinion thread that follows these basic rules. (Not all do.)

1) Outline a bad, or dramatic situation.

B) Bitch about the dumbass that got in the situation, or caused it, in the first place.

III) Outline your own solution to the situation [here is a difference, in some threads, some posters don't provide an easy answer] which often shows off personal brilliance or incredible heroism. (Sometimes being well hung or easily aroused is a featured end as well.)

4) By vote of affirmative posts, agree, and congratulate each other on how smart we all are.

I have just had one or two too many of these threads.

And, I am not of the opinion that authoritative parenting is the "solution." After all who is going to say it isn't? For Pete's sake, we live in America, the world's greatest democracy, and authoritative is the closest style to being democratic, like someone is going to pick indulgent or neglectful, or even authoritarian! Like they are going to do that, and what do you expect, someone could come along and stone them! After all this is a democracy, do you actually think that we have room here for totalitarianism? No! We do have to weed that un-American stuff out!

Wow! I feel better.

In this thread around a few peoples attempt to have a reasonable and intelligent discussion, this thread has become overpopulated with "take her to the woodshed comments." What is a greater indication of authoritarianism? Or worse.

Here is another way of looking at things. In some cultures at some times, this whole affair would not even get play time. Because it would be an embarrassment. People would respect their elders. People would respect their neighbors. Someone with leadership would come forward an propose a solution to the conflict that would provide healing for everyone, and resolution to the situation (less some really strong antisocial mojo present which we cannot know about from "news reports)."

So that is it. I am simply saying that you cannot solve with the same old, same old. In fact, that may be what got us here. I am saying that almost any situation can be overcome if a person puts their all into it. (Hint for those trying to keep track, making a kid go out and do hard work is worthless, going out with them and challenging them, and working their ass off is a whole different thing.)

 

[Irish#1]

Dammit, I lost 20 pounds this year...

But you gained that SEC speed.

 

[Grahambo]

I put this here to show the difference between two teenagers; the one that this thread is about and then this kid.

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