Analysis of ND Opponents

[tommyIRISH23]

We're entering that time of the year where spring practice begins, and (speaking for myself) the need for ND football becomes almost unbearable.

So, I figured why not start a thread that will most likely keep most of us engaged, and also throw some useful information out there about our opponents strengths/weakness, and what ND needs to do in order to win.

I admit that I do not know much about the teams on our schedule this year, aside from the fact most seem loaded, so I'll be taking a few days to do some research. But, I am sure there are some posters that have a wealth of insight to share.

Lets break it down like this:

Opponent:
Strength:
Weakness:
How these strengths and weakness' match up with ND:
What ND has to do to win:
Prediction(ofcourse I had to add this in):

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Opponent: Navy
Strength: Effective running game, well-disciplined squad, plays ND with passion
Weakness: Undersized, slow
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Lack of passing game plays well into Irish's hands, seeing the front 7 will be loaded this year
What ND has to do to win: Not stay in a pub all night before the game and make it to the field before kickoff
Prediction: ND 33 Navy 10

*Movie equivalent of game: 1st Dragons vs Beavers game from Teen Wolf (ND=Dragons, Navy=Beavers)

 

[Redbar]

Opponent: Navy
Strength: Effective running game, well-disciplined squad, plays ND with passion
Weakness: Undersized, slow
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Lack of passing game plays well into Irish's hands, seeing the front 7 will be loaded this year
What ND has to do to win: Not stay in a pub all night before the game and make it to the field before kickoff
Prediction: ND 33 Navy 10

Good stuff! please don't stop there.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Opponent: Purdue
Strength: Decent engineering and management school, Famous undergrad alum (yours truly), Breakfast Club
Weakness: Horrible football team, inept coaching staff, injury prone skill players, horrible offensive game planning/play selection, ugly girls (dont tell Ms. Steelhead I said that)
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Lack of football program for Purdue since the departure of Joe Tiller and Drew Brees plays favorably for Irish.
What ND has to do to win: Make sure Brees has no eligibility left, show up for game by 3rd quarter this time
Prediction: PAIN in this one. ND 41 PUR 17

 

[IrishSteelhead]

*Movie Equivalent of Game: Ivan Drago vs Apollo Creed from Rocky IV (ND=Drago, Purdue=Creed)

 

[NDhoosier]

*Movie Equivalent of Game: Ivan Drago vs Apollo Creed from Rocky IV (ND=Drago, Purdue=Creed)

haha, I love it, I want to see you do the entire schedule...

 

[ryno 24]

Irish Steelhead entertaining and inspirational

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Opponent: Michigan State
Strengths: Mascot is named after most feared and battle-tested soldier of all-time, Fans are slightly less insufferable than scUM ones, School supports combing correctional facilities for football talent, Magic Johnson now HIV-free, Plaxico rehabilitated
Weaknesses: Lost their only likable football player ever to graduation (who coincidentally was the only MSU player ever to graduate), Coach Dantonio has "no heart," Spartan radio guy has drinking (and crying) problem
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Well it's obvious. ND can either win this game, or lose in "heart-breaking" fashion and run the risk of making MSU have an early-season coaching vacancy.
What ND has to do to win: Grow a pair, march out under the lights, and punch Sparty square in the face, and repeat said punch until the final gun has sounded, and the field is just a messy pile of vomit green and red
Prediction: ND 29 MSU 24

*Movie equivalent of game: The scene in Dirty Harry where Harry shoots the Scorpio killer in the face with a .44 Magnum (ND=Harry, MSU=Scorpio)

 

[ryno 24]

Opponent Michigan
Strenghts: Their athletes don't have to study gives more time for football, their coach looks like Peter Griffin, and not much else
Weaknesses Their qb does not know how to tie his shoes, their reciving corps is not there yet, their DBs will still be lost, and Gary Gray will not be here to lose every jump ball.
What ND has to do to win Have someone other than Tommy play not have five turnovers and contain Denard and we should make a strong statement.
Prediction ND 28 MU 17

*Movie equivalent of game The scene from the departed when marky mark shoots matt damon

 

[FLDomer]

Steel i cant wait for the Michgan Breakdown...pins and needles!!

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Opponent: Michigan
Strengths: Luckiest team in college football, mascot is named after animal known to castrate grizzly bears at kill sites, loyal droves of elitist Wal-Mart Wolverines blindly support program despite no degree or training of any kind from anywhere, "Tatu the Amazing Midget Quarterback" is back for one more magical, turnover-filled season, Coach Hoke has slimmed down after going on a 50,000 calorie a day diet over the off-season, Skunkbears have bragging rights for the most ridiculous and forgettable BCS Bowl winning season in the history of college football
Weaknesses: It's called the "Pig House" for a reason, secondary looks like concrete lawn jockeys painted in scUM colors, trainer alleges Hoke naturally passed the golden horseshoe lodged in his colon after sifting through one of his dung piles and discovering said shoe with an undigested license plate, and half a baby seal, refs can't bail them out 4 years in a row....RIGHT? RIGHT??
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Irish front seven better pack a lunch that fateful Saturday, and if Tatu isn't firmly planted into the soil and left for dead by halftime, there truly is no God, or justice left in this world.
What ND has to do to win: Have their starting QB realize a Christmas Card to the skunkbears is a more suitable gift than 5 turnovers.
Prediction: ND 37 scUM 27

*Movie equivalent of game: Scene in Rambo II where Rambo grabs the microphone and says, "MURDOCH, I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!" (Rambo=Lynch, Murdoch=Denard aka Tatu)

 

[FLDomer]

Opponent: Michigan
Strengths: Luckiest team in college football, mascot is named after animal known to castrate grizzly bears at kill sites, loyal droves of elitist Wal-Mart Wolverines blindly support program despite no degree or training of any kind from anywhere, "Tatu the Amazing Midget Quarterback" is back for one more magical, turnover-filled season, Coach Hoke has slimmed down after going on a 50,000 calorie a day diet over the off-season, Skunkbears have bragging rights for the most ridiculous and forgettable BCS Bowl winning season in the history of college football
Weaknesses: It's called the "Pig House" for a reason, secondary looks like concrete lawn jockeys painted in scUM colors, trainer alleges Hoke naturally passed the golden horseshoe lodged in his colon after sifting through one of his dung piles and discovering said shoe with an undigested license plate, and half a baby seal, refs can't bail them out 4 years in a row....RIGHT? RIGHT??
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Irish front seven better pack a lunch that fateful Saturday, and if Tatu isn't firmly planted into the soil and left for dead by halftime, there truly is no God, or justice left in this world.
What ND has to do to win: Have their starting QB realize a Christmas Card to the skunkbears is a more suitable gift than 5 turnovers.
Prediction: ND 37 scUM 27

*Movie equivalent of game: Scene in Rambo II where Rambo grabs the microphone and says, "MURDOCH, I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!" (Rambo=Lynch, Murdoch=Denard aka Tatu)

Tears, tears of laughter!

 

[Veer option]

:awesomewo

 

[Redbar]

Opponent: Purdue
Strength: Decent engineering and management school, Famous undergrad alum (yours truly), Breakfast Club
Weakness: Horrible football team, inept coaching staff, injury prone skill players, horrible offensive game planning/play selection, ugly girls (dont tell Ms. Steelhead I said that)
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Lack of football program for Purdue since the departure of Joe Tiller and Drew Brees plays favorably for Irish.
What ND has to do to win: Make sure Brees has no eligibility left, show up for game by 3rd quarter this time
Prediction: PAIN in this one. ND 41 PUR 17

Thank You! Reps. This one had me rolling harder than the first one.

 

[NDJimmy]

Steelhead, you are a hit!

 

[returnofthemack]

Opponent: Michigan
Strengths: Luckiest team in college football, mascot is named after animal known to castrate grizzly bears at kill sites, loyal droves of elitist Wal-Mart Wolverines blindly support program despite no degree or training of any kind from anywhere, "Tatu the Amazing Midget Quarterback" is back for one more magical, turnover-filled season, Coach Hoke has slimmed down after going on a 50,000 calorie a day diet over the off-season, Skunkbears have bragging rights for the most ridiculous and forgettable BCS Bowl winning season in the history of college football
Weaknesses: It's called the "Pig House" for a reason, secondary looks like concrete lawn jockeys painted in scUM colors, trainer alleges Hoke naturally passed the golden horseshoe lodged in his colon after sifting through one of his dung piles and discovering said shoe with an undigested license plate, and half a baby seal, refs can't bail them out 4 years in a row....RIGHT? RIGHT??
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Irish front seven better pack a lunch that fateful Saturday, and if Tatu isn't firmly planted into the soil and left for dead by halftime, there truly is no God, or justice left in this world.
What ND has to do to win: Have their starting QB realize a Christmas Card to the skunkbears is a more suitable gift than 5 turnovers.
Prediction: ND 37 scUM 27

*Movie equivalent of game: Scene in Rambo II where Rambo grabs the microphone and says, "MURDOCH, I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!" (Rambo=Lynch, Murdoch=Denard aka Tatu)

For the Movie Equivalent: Rocky III, replacing Clubber Lang with Manti Te'o.
Interviewer - "What's your prediction for Denard?"
Manti - "My prediction?"
Interviewer - "Yes, your prediction."
Manti - "PAIN."

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Opponent:Miami
Strengths: Finally have a coach that isn't functionally retarded, The "U" invented swagger, the 1000 people at Hurricane home games nets more hot girls in the crowd than a sold-out Purdue Homecoming does, Jacory Harris has mercifully graduated, players intimidate opponents by playing with loaded Glock 9MMs tucked into their waistbands, the 5 fans that do actually make it to Soldier Field will see what a real tailgate looks like
Weaknesses:Team will need neck gaiters and sideline heaters if the kickoff temp is a frigid 60 degrees, 2 Live Crew hasn't been relevant for 20 years, Nevin Shapiro's incarceration constricts payroll, Chicago is the Anti-Miami, Al Golden has a very punchable face, players will have harder time finding crack on Chicago streets, Seantrel Henderson may transfer to somewhere else at halftime
How these strengths and weaknesses match up for ND:BK needs to instill the importance of this game, plain and simple. Players are too young to remember how much bile and hatred lies beneath here, and it needs to bubble to the surface. With that said, BK will tell Beast he saw Golden making inappropriate gestures towards Mama Lynch during warmups, and the Hurricane flight home will have 3 survivors in the cabin, and 97 filled body bags in the cargo-hold.
What ND has to do to win:Rally behind a raucous Soldier Field packed with Irish fans, and give us the laser light show we all paid ridiculously high ticket prices to see. I'm serious. For the price these tickets are going for, Louis Nix better dance around with glow-sticks in his hand doing an interpretive dance to Living in America at halftime.
Prediction:ND 23 Miami 13, Shapiro shanked in jail mid 3rd quarter

*Movie equivalent of game: Scene in Out for Justice when Steven Seagal wraps a pool ball in a towel and knocks the crap out of a gang of punks. (Seagal=ND, Pool Ball=Nix, Bloodied, toothless face=Miami)

 

[FLDomer]

Opponent:Miami
Strengths: Finally have a coach that isn't functionally retarded, The "U" invented swagger, the 1000 people at Hurricane home games nets more hot girls in the crowd than a sold-out Purdue Homecoming does, Jacory Harris has mercifully graduated, players intimidate opponents by playing with loaded Glock 9MMs tucked into their waistbands, the 5 fans that do actually make it to Soldier Field will see what a real tailgate looks like
Weaknesses:Team will need neck gaiters and sideline heaters if the kickoff temp is a frigid 60 degrees, 2 Live Crew hasn't been relevant for 20 years, Nevin Shapiro's incarceration constricts payroll, Chicago is the Anti-Miami, Al Golden has a very punchable face, players will have harder time finding crack on Chicago streets, Seantrel Henderson may transfer to somewhere else at halftime
How these strengths and weaknesses match up for ND:BK needs to instill the importance of this game, plain and simple. Players are too young to remember how much bile and hatred lies beneath here, and it needs to bubble to the surface. With that said, BK will tell Beast he saw Golden making inappropriate gestures towards Mama Lynch during warmups, and the Hurricane flight home will have 3 survivors in the cabin, and 97 filled body bags in the cargo-hold.
What ND has to do to win:Rally behind a raucous Soldier Field packed with Irish fans, and give us the laser light show we all paid ridiculously high ticket prices to see. I'm serious. For the price these tickets are going for, Louis Nix better dance around with glow-sticks in his hand doing an interpretive dance to Living in America at halftime.
Prediction:ND 23 Miami 13, Shapiro shanked in jail mid 3rd quarter

*Movie equivalent of game: Scene in Out for Justice when Steven Seagal wraps a pool ball in a towel and knocks the crap out of a gang of punks. (Seagal=ND, Pool Ball=Nix, Bloodied, toothless face=Miami)

thanks you so much for this, you brighten my day!

 

[greyhammer90]

MOAR

 

[NDhoosier]

inappropriate gestures to Mama Lynch, I can only imagine what Lynch would do next.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Opponent:Stanford
Strengths: Riding tidal wave of momentum after a century of futility, Ty Willingham is a long after-thought, one of only a few D-1 schools without an "s" at the end of their mascot name, almost sold out a game in 2011 and all it took was a top 5 team and the Heisman front-runner, can beat U$C again, students will go onto successful multi-million dollar careers making the internet even more clogged with useless social-networking/file-sharing websites
Weaknesses: Lost two head coaches to the NFL (one to SF, other to Indy) last two years, 2012 fill-in coach David Shaw looks too much like a young Jim Caldwell, fans are easy to torment/bully/beat-up, mascot looks like an idea the Double Rainbow guy had after eating two lbs of psychedelic mushrooms, cheerleaders grazing habits leave home field slippery and filled with pot-holes, their "Luck" has run out, have to get curb-stomped by Oregon again this season, school band's half-time show resembles an elementary school fire drill
How these strengths and weaknesses' match up for ND: Not much to say here, teams are pretty evenly matched on paper. Luckily Coach Diaco didn't like this, so he took said paper, lit it on fire, and it magically turned into a unicorn that pooped out a bar of gold. Good guy to have on your side to say the least.....
What ND has to do to win: Play with a serious chip on their shoulder, and remind the Cardinal who really is the premier academic college football program. Instead of doing this politely, the defense decides to take a ruder approach, and it is evident after Tuitt's first quarter sack ends with him ripping off the Stanford QB's helmet and punting it at the Stanford band director, who suffers a broken jaw and concussion from the impact. The most embarrassing part for him is he has to receive medical treatment at the hospital in his cute Hello Kitty costume.
Prediction: ND 22 Stanford 14

*Movie Equivalent: Scene in Karate Kid where the Cobra Kai beats the snot out of Daniel LaRusso and leaves him to rot in a road-side ditch (ND Defense=Cobra Kai, Stanford QB=Daniel LaRusso)

 

[johnnykillz]

Listen here Steely Dan: we don't need the Cardinal QB going all crane or pelican kick on our ***...

Bad movie reference, one leg or not.

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Listen here Steely Dan: we don't need the Cardinal QB going all crane or pelican kick on our ***...

Bad movie reference, one leg or not.

That was a MOVIE Johnny-Boy, and in real-life his leg will be broken in 8 places and be hanging off his hip like a wet noodle.

 

[woolybug25]

For the price these tickets are going for, Louis Nix better dance around with glow-sticks in his hand doing an interpretive dance to Living in America at halftime.

There would literally be no pricetag too high for this.

 

[FLDomer]

Steel where is the BYU break down!?!?!

 

[IrishSteelhead]

Steel where is the BYU break down!?!?!

Still debating how long of a banning I will receive for going all-out on it. Let's just say I'm not a big fan of their fan base, and it goes way beyond football.

 

[FLDomer]

LOL!! Precisely what i was hopeing for!! Just PM it to me!!!

 

[die4irish]

we will give you a get out of jail free card!!!!!!!!!!

 

[woolybug25]

Still debating how long of a banning I will receive for going all-out on it. Let's just say I'm not a big fan of their fan base, and it goes way beyond football.

pm it to me too. I am probably in the same boat. BYU people are whacked out, and not just the football fans.

 

[gkIrish]

Still debating how long of a banning I will receive for going all-out on it. Let's just say I'm not a big fan of their fan base, and it goes way beyond football.

I'm curious too. I go to grad school with some BYU alums, and I find them to be quite nice, although weird. PM please