Why women in their late 20s/30s lose the dating game

[ulukinatme]

From Australia, but it could be just as applicable here. If not...I'll move to Australia

Why women lose the dating game

 

[Quinntastic]

It is definitely difficult to find men in my age range who want to settle down. Most seem to think that they shouldn't "have" to settle down until they're nearing 40.

I already have one child and am not looking to have any more, so the reproductive window part isn't really relevent to me, but I definitely understand her frustrations on the difficulties of finding a "good man", because the signals men get from media/society tend to push staying a bachelor and staying in their "partying life" until their late 30's...

 

[ACamp1900]

Kind of a side point that came from the comments (that moved me more than the article), but just my two cents, take it as such... I think both men and women are being led astray here... I think everyone benefits from the traditional mold,.. man, woman and children... some of the comments mirror what I seem to find as a popular opinion in this day and age... women don’t need a man, men should just become a rolling stone and our children won’t know the difference.

Now every case is different and there are some super people out there doing it on their own, but I tend to believe, generally speaking, both men and women benefit from the balance of a good mate and children benefit from the balance that a mother and father bring. So I typically don’t like the “women don’t need a man” and “men can get away with fathering children they don’t have any responsibility to” type of thinking…

Anyway, I’m not going to spend a lot of time wording my thoughts perfectly, so hopefully nothing gets lost/misinterpreted…

Anyway, Quinn, you have a similar experience to my wife when I met her, as she was a single parent, what are your thoughts?

 

[Cali_domer]

I got my wife who was in her mid thirties and well accomplished with a masters degree, It is quite common now a days. My wife robbed the cradle for me though I am 7 years younger then her.

 

[ACamp1900]

I got my wife who was in her mid thirties and well accomplished with a masters degree, It is quite common now a days. My wife robbed the cradle for me though I am 7 years younger then her.

My wife was a single mother with her MBA at the age of 25 when we met... I have no clue how she managed it.

 

[ulukinatme]

It is definitely difficult to find men in my age range who want to settle down. Most seem to think that they shouldn't "have" to settle down until they're nearing 40.

I already have one child and am not looking to have any more, so the reproductive window part isn't really relevent to me, but I definitely understand her frustrations on the difficulties of finding a "good man", because the signals men get from media/society tend to push staying a bachelor and staying in their "partying life" until their late 30's...

Unless I'm reading your post incorrectly, the article is less about men refusing to settle down and geared more towards women who have put off settling down. I understand your plight, but the article outlines how many of today's women have been increasingly putting off settling down to focus on careers, education, and playing the field. When they do choose to settle down in their early 30s, or sometimes later, they find that the alpha males they're wanting to pursue for commitment are either taken already or they're in such short supply that the men are able to attract younger competition. Basic supply and demand really, but it's interesting how the dynamic affects dating.

 

[Cali_domer]

My wife was a single mother with her MBA at the age of 25 when we met... I have no clue how she managed it.

That's an achievement..My wife took it piecemeal like myself.

 

[Quinntastic]

Kind of a side point that came from the comments (that moved me more than the article), but just my two cents, take it as such... I think both men and women are being led astray here... I think everyone benefits from the traditional mold,.. man, woman and children... some of the comments mirror what I seem to find as a popular opinion in this day and age... women don’t need a man, men should just become a rolling stone and our children won’t know the difference.

Now every case is different and there are some super people out there doing it on their own, but I tend to believe, generally speaking, both men and women benefit from the balance of a good mate and children benefit from the balance that a mother and father bring. So I typically don’t like the “women don’t need a man” and “men can get away with fathering children they don’t have any responsibility to” type of thinking…

Anyway, I’m not going to spend a lot of time wording my thoughts perfectly, so hopefully nothing gets lost/misinterpreted…

Anyway, Quinn, you have a similar experience to my wife when I met her, as she was a single parent, what are your thoughts?

Being a single parent - and, I would argue, a single mother - makes it incredibly difficult out on the dating scene.

1.) A lot of men bolt early as soon as they find out you have a child with someone else. Often I think it's more an aversion to deal with "baby daddy" drama.

2.) Having a child makes it hard to date just from a logistics standpoint. When you're first dating someone, you need to have quite a bit of one-on-one time to really talk with the person and learn about them. That is very difficult to do when you're a single parent.

3.) BUT I will say - when you DO find someone who doesn't run as soon as they hear you have a child, and who will take the extra time to be flexible to get to know you, you tend to have really found a keeper. My guy might not be perfect, but my son and I have put him through the wringer and he is still there. That means a lot, both to my son and myself. And my guy gets frustrated because my son doesn't seem very appreciative of much right now (he's six), but I remind him over and over again that there's going to come a day when my son grows up and realizes all that my guy has done for both of us and my son is really going to appreciate it.

So, in summary, it makes dating a lot tougher, but it also means that when you find someone who can overcome all of those built-in obstacles to get to you, they are usually worth it.

/sappy rant

 

[ACamp1900]

That's an achievement..My wife took it piecemeal like myself.

She already had her career well established and everything... in fact that's how we met, she was my academic advisor... lol

 

[Cali_domer]

She already had her career well established and everything... in fact that's how we met, she was my academic advisor... lol

Nice... My wife is in higher ed also.

 

[Quinntastic]

She already had her career well established and everything... in fact that's how we met, she was my academic advisor... lol

At the risk of sounding creepy - that's hot.

 

[Irish#1]

ACamp is right about the erosion of the traditional family. Here's my take. These women who showed up at the lecture and any like them have determined that they want to marry someone who fits a particular mold (looks, wealth, stature, etc.) and don't care that much about what's on the inside. These are the type that don't stay married very long.

 

[ACamp1900]

ACamp is right about the erosion of the traditional family. Here's my take. These women who showed up at the lecture and any like them have determined that they want to marry someone who fits a particular mold (looks, wealth, stature, etc.) and don't care that much about what's on the inside. These are the type that don't stay married very long.

IDk, my wife married an Adonis, and it’s worked out pretty well for her thus far…

 

[BGIF]

IDk, my wife married an Adonis, and it’s worked out pretty well for her thus far…

So the alimony checks from the first husband aren't bouncing.

 

[rikkitikki08]

My personal opinion is that maybe you should enjoy life meeting new people and not sweat if it works out or not. You cant let being or not being in a relationship dictate your life. Now i am a 25 year old male who is currently single and enjoying being single, but if a single mother came along that i really hit if off with, the fact that she had a child would be the last thing that scared me away. I think people need to focus less on finding someone that is " right" and focus more on enjoying life. This may just be me being a single male who enjoys the single life but hey i am open for a healthy debate

 

[sparkyND]

My personal opinion is that maybe you should enjoy life meeting new people and not sweat if it works out or not. You cant let being or not being in a relationship dictate your life. Now i am a 25 year old male who is currently single and enjoying being single, but if a single mother came along that i really hit if off with, the fact that she had a child would be the last thing that scared me away. I think people need to focus less on finding someone that is " right" and focus more on enjoying life. This may just be me being a single male who enjoys the single life but hey i am open for a healthy debate

I completely agree with your views. Just because a person is ready does not mean he/she will meet the 'right' person. Likewise, just because a person isn't ready does not mean he/she has to push the relationship off. Be open-minded, enjoy life and if your partner in crime comes along then you go along together. If not then there are always different people to meet and various things to do. Life is short so might as well enjoy it to the full extent. Doesn't mean that I don't think relationships, marriages and what not are not significant to many people. I just don't think you can let it dominate a certain period of your life.

As a mid-30s single guy I can only speak from my past experience. There were relationships that I thought I had everything right that eventually did not work out for various reasons be it the two of us and/or other outside issues. Then there were girls I had come across and I think to myself: "damn! what was I thinking back then?"

Missed opportunities and wrong choices are just part of life and things that make ones life that much more interesting. You cannot structure life (and unintentionally others around you) the way you want it to be. If you could then it would be a journey that is far less entertaining and predictable. Some prefer to get rid of (or attempt to reduce) the uncertainty factors in life and that is fine. But life does not turn out the way that you always thought at a certain age. Perhaps it is better to appreciate it as it comes along.

 

[ClausentoTate]

They are having a very similar problem with highly educated women in China. The "A" women are either having to marry "B" men or not marrying anyone at all because the "A" men in their age group are gone by the time they are ready to settle down.

I honestly can't see this problem going away in the future. The real problem is really that in most cultures men get more attractive as they get older and women get less attractive. It's a programmed response from millions of years of evolution.

I'm also going to be that d*** that says it: the vast majority of these women probably aren't all that pretty either. There will be exceptions, of course, but after going to ND you can't tell me that most highly educated women are sexy haha

 

[Quinntastic]

I am one of those ugly, highly educated, women. AND I have a child on top of that. Maybe that's the real reason it was so hard for me to find someone... *ponders*

 

[ACamp1900]

I am one of those ugly, highly educated, women. AND I have a child on top of that. Maybe that's the real reason it was so hard for me to find someone... *ponders*

Sure, but are you easy???

 

[ACamp1900]

acamp thinks-- " I really hope Quin has a sense of humor"

 

[Quinntastic]

No, I'm not
























(anymore)

 

[ACamp1900]

 

[Irish#1]

I am one of those ugly, highly educated, women. AND I have a child on top of that. Maybe that's the real reason it was so hard for me to find someone... *ponders*

Most (I said most, not all) women don't think they are as attractive as they really are. I'll bet guys would rate you higher than you do yourself.

 

[irishpat183]

Why are we discussing "women" and "dating decisions" in the same convo?

Pick a female. They are yours. They just need to decide what color the curtains are and what dish soap to use.

 

[Dacian_Irish]

This is such an interesting thread! I'm actually in Medical school right now and my girlfriend just broke up with me because she said school is to hard and she cannot commit to a relationship. One thing I will add is that a lot of highly educated women with professional careers have a chip on their shoulder and they almost come off arrogant and intimidating. When a man has these traits he is considered confident but a woman is considered bi****. Not trying to sound sexist and sorry if it came off that way but this is my observation.

 

[Quinntastic]

Why are we discussing "women" and "dating decisions" in the same convo?

Pick a female. They are yours. They just need to decide what color the curtains are and what dish soap to use.

This made me lol because I'm assuming you're being sarcastic.

 

[NDBoiler]

This is such an interesting thread! I'm actually in Medical school right now and my girlfriend just broke up with me because she said school is to hard and she cannot commit to a relationship. One thing I will add is that a lot of highly educated women with professional careers have a chip on their shoulder and they almost come off arrogant and intimidating. When a man has these traits he is considered confident but a woman is considered bi****. Not trying to sound sexist and sorry if it came off that way but this is my observation.

I hate to say it, but looking at it from the outside, that kinda looks like an excuse to me. I don't know your situation of course, but that sucks anyways. Good luck to ya, you'll find the right one.

 

[irishpat183]

This is such an interesting thread! I'm actually in Medical school right now and my girlfriend just broke up with me because she said school is to hard and she cannot commit to a relationship. One thing I will add is that a lot of highly educated women with professional careers have a chip on their shoulder and they almost come off arrogant and intimidating. When a man has these traits he is considered confident but a woman is considered bi****. Not trying to sound sexist and sorry if it came off that way but this is my observation.

She blew you off, bro. But you're in med school and will be picking up dime pieces before you know it. Shrug it off. Later when you're rich and wearing scrubs all the time, she'll come crawling back...tell her she can come back...if she brings a friend.


Boom. IrishPat's guide to being a playa.

 

[nlroma1o]

She blew you off, bro. But you're in med school and will be picking up dime pieces before you know it. Shrug it off. Later when you're rich and wearing scrubs all the time, she'll come crawling back...tell her she can come back...if she brings a friend.

Boom. IrishPat's guide to being a playa.

Giggity

 

[Quinntastic]

This is such an interesting thread! I'm actually in Medical school right now and my girlfriend just broke up with me because she said school is to hard and she cannot commit to a relationship. One thing I will add is that a lot of highly educated women with professional careers have a chip on their shoulder and they almost come off arrogant and intimidating. When a man has these traits he is considered confident but a woman is considered bi****. Not trying to sound sexist and sorry if it came off that way but this is my observation.

As a "highly educated woman with a professional career", I am truly curious as to what you mean by this...