Public shaming and social mores

[irishpat183]

I usually handle situations like that by passive aggressiveness. Go grab some napkins start cleaning up her purse while making a slight comment to your wife like, "what kinda of inconsiderate person dumps there coffee without an apology." That way he hears you but you are ignoring him just like he ignored his spill. If he says something back then your free to speak your mind.

There you go.

 

[irishpat183]

I tend to agree. In this particular instance, my wife's happiness was more important to me. But ideally she would have been happy with an appropriate confrontation.

You're a smart man. LOL

 

[Irish#1]

You can say something and still take the higher ground. For example, pardon me, but you need to clean up all of your mess including my wife's bag. Or if you wanted to be just a teeny bit of a smart *** you could have looked at him and said "thank you". Given that he was foreign, he might not have caught the irony.

I do find that foreigners have a totally different view of manners and being polite. They never say thank you when you hold the door. If you are looking at something, they have no problem reaching in front of you to grab something rather than waiting their turn. I suspect this guy is the typical foreigner.

 

[AdmiralBackhand]

That wasn't an attack, just saying I don't think that's the best way to handle it.

Mine either. All in love.

 

[Bishop2b5]

Maybe I'm just old and grew up in a different world, but manners and common courtesy are becoming too rare. I'd have said something to the guy and at least have tried to shame him for showing such a lack of consideration and manners.

 

[GO IRISH!!!]

I was once told by a coworker that I have a talent for being a complete dick while making it sound polite and considerate. It is all in the delivery.

Maybe you were on one of those "What would you do" shows and the producers were like, "Damn, that one didn't take the bait!"

 

[Cackalacky]

Maybe its me but I have found that nothing good will come from publicly humiliating someone. I have never felt good after doing it. As a matter of fact I feel worse for having done it.

 

[irishpat183]

Maybe its me but I have found that nothing good will come from publicly humiliating someone. I have never felt good after doing it. As a matter of fact I feel worse for having done it.

Aren't they humiliating themselves by showing a lack of respect for others?

I mean, how the hell is it considered "humliation" if the jerk is the one that earned it?

There are ways to handle it, but we shouldn't feel sorry AT ALL for morons like the coffee guy.

 

[pumpdog20]

You can say something and still take the higher ground. For example, pardon me, but you need to clean up all of your mess including my wife's bag. Or if you wanted to be just a teeny bit of a smart *** you could have looked at him and said "thank you". Given that he was foreign, he might not have caught the irony.

I do find that foreigners have a totally different view of manners and being polite. They never say thank you when you hold the door. If you are looking at something, they have no problem reaching in front of you to grab something rather than waiting their turn. I suspect this guy is the typical foreigner.

Those weren't foreigners, they were crazy hippies.

 

[BobD]

IDK about y'all, but the absolute last thing I am doing is getting in a confrontation in the airport.

Yeah, not the best idea. I once cracked a guy in the head who was abusing his wife and child at the Denver International airport........no charges, witnesses told the cops what was up, but I missed my flight while they at length told me the problems caused by making a scene at an international airport.

So as you can see, I've never been one to NOT let my opinion known.

 

[Cackalacky]

Aren't they humiliating themselves by showing a lack of respect for others?

I mean, how the hell is it considered "humliation" if the jerk is the one that earned it?

There are ways to handle it, but we shouldn't feel sorry AT ALL for morons like the coffee guy.

I did not say to feel sorry for them only there is nothing good about humiliating anyone. It solves nothing and ultimately is a form of abuse and I don't think anyone deserves or earns humiliation.

"Humiliation is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It is an emotion felt by a person whose social status has just decreased. It can be brought about through intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act. "

Obviously if there was something more egregious going on other actions might be warranted.

 

[Irishnuke]

You absolutely say something. You don't have to go apeshits on the guy but let him know what he did and that you're not happy about it. If he gets confrontational go get security. No need to fight the Dhead. I personally feel that unless the guy looks like he will kill you, you need to speak up, especially since it happened to your wife.

 

[rikkitikki08]

I would have definitely said something, now if he jumped back at me with some attitude that's when i would have became angry and probably punched the guys lights out. I'm big on respect, if he shows it when i said something then we can move on without incident

 

[cody1smith]

IDK about y'all, but the absolute last thing I am doing is getting in a confrontation in the airport.

This ^^

If I would have been in a less "secure" situation, or somewhere where I would not get tackled butt searched and miss my flight. I may have gotten ignorant. But being in that situation you should have at least said something.

 

[NDFANnSouthWest]

WOW just wow...we as a society have lost our manners. I personally would of said something although my wife would be telling me not to (like yours). As far as this gentleman (using the term loosely) being East Indian...not to say they are all like this however I work with alot of EI and they are aggressive and do not have good manners (not ALL...however MOST).

 

[Irish#1]

You can always say something with causing a scene or public humiliating the person. Now if they get offended, tough toe nails. You explain that it is impolite to spill something on someone then ignore them.

 

[BobD]

Funny you should start this thread today.

I have a good sized "NO SOLICITING" sign on my door.

A young man just rang my doorbell to ask me to buy a subscription for a local paper, and help him raise money to attend UCLA. I politely told him I didn't believe his story because he couldn't read my no soliciting sign and shut the door. My wife said that wasn't very nice and I said he should be able to read.

About 5 minutes later another kid was at the door with the same story. My wife answered the door because she didn't want me handling it this time. After a few annoying minutes of his sales pitch, she threatened to let the dogs loose on him or the next kid that came knocking. I love her.

Here in California a lot of violent home invasions start by a knock at the door.

 

[Booslum31]

That ******* would be choking on his coffee cup if he spilled anythign on my wife and/or her stuff.

You do not mess with my kids or my wife. I will absolutley go to jail for them.


Hell, My wife may have said something! LOL

This...I think my wife would have throat punched him. Actually, it could have been a cultural difference at play. You know how some societies view woman's role in the world. He might be used of being cleaned up after by women....which would made it an explosive situation if it were me and my wife. To each their own.

 

[palinurus]

This fits under the broad category, though maybe the reaction of this crowd would be different, given the context:

I was at the BYU game last year with my wife and one of my kids, and some guy was a row behind me, about two or three seats over, and he started early in the game, screaming, "What the F___!" "What kind of SH__ is that?" "G_D D_MM_T!!! Tackle him!!!" "F___ing tackle him!!"

What would you guys do?

 

[NDFANnSouthWest]

This fits under the broad category, though maybe the reaction of this crowd would be different, given the context:

I was at the BYU game last year with my wife and one of my kids, and some guy was a row behind me, about two or three seats over, and he started early in the game, screaming, "What the F___!" "What kind of SH__ is that?" "G_D D_MM_T!!! Tackle him!!!" "F___ing tackle him!!"

What would you guys do?

This is why i stopped taking my young kids to sporting event....jackasses that don't realize there are kids around. I wanted to confront the guys however they were drunk ...we relocated to another area. Was not worth the fight/bs/putting my family at risk....not worth it.

 

[BobD]

This fits under the broad category, though maybe the reaction of this crowd would be different, given the context:

I was at the BYU game last year with my wife and one of my kids, and some guy was a row behind me, about two or three seats over, and he started early in the game, screaming, "What the F___!" "What kind of SH__ is that?" "G_D D_MM_T!!! Tackle him!!!" "F___ing tackle him!!"

What would you guys do?

Tell him to act like a real man and watch his language around women and children.

"You're a boy, so as you grow up, you'll eventually get drunk, cuss and get in fights, which is natural, but if you ever do any of that in front of your mother, your sisters, other women or little kids....I'll take you out. You understand?" ~ My Dad

 

[NDWorld247]

This fits under the broad category, though maybe the reaction of this crowd would be different, given the context:

I was at the BYU game last year with my wife and one of my kids, and some guy was a row behind me, about two or three seats over, and he started early in the game, screaming, "What the F___!" "What kind of SH__ is that?" "G_D D_MM_T!!! Tackle him!!!" "F___ing tackle him!!"

What would you guys do?

If I had my kid(s) with me, I'd play that card and ask him to watch his language. I'm not afraid to be confrontational, but I'd probably try to handle it peacefully at first out of respect for my kid(s). If my kids weren't with me, I'd tell the guy to shut the f*** up and point out the likely fact that the players and coaches can't hear him. If he turned his negativity towards me, I'd verbally abuse him and break his balls until he stopped or security got involved. It's a gift I have

On a similar note, one of my biggest pet peeves is listening to people in the stadium yell specific things, good or bad, to players, coaches and referees. If I'm sitting anywhere other than right behind the bench, I just make noise (occasionally...I usually just watch the game without much emotion). I can't stand the people that tell the coach what he should do, etc. They can't hear you buddy!

 

[palinurus]

Tell him to act like a real man and watch his language around women and children.

"You're a boy, so as you grow up, you'll eventually get drunk, cuss and get in fights, which is natural, but if you ever do any of that in front of your mother, your sisters, other women or little kids....I'll take you out. You understand?" ~ My Dad

If I had my kid(s) with me, I'd play that card and ask him to watch his language. I'm not afraid to be confrontational, but I'd probably try to handle it peacefully at first out of respect for my kid(s). If my kids weren't with me, I'd tell the guy to shut the f*** up and point out the likely fact that the players and coaches can't hear him. If he turned his negativity towards me, I'd verbally abuse him and break his balls until he stopped or security got involved. It's a gift I have

On a similar note, one of my biggest pet peeves is listening to people in the stadium yell specific things, good or bad, to players, coaches and referees. If I'm sitting anywhere other than right behind the bench, I just make noise (occasionally...I usually just watch the game without much emotion). I can't stand the people that tell the coach what he should do, etc. They can't hear you buddy!

Yeah, this is what I did, essentially. There were people, esp. women sitting closer to him, and I thought they were getting uncomfortable, as was my wife, but no guy near him said anything. So I shot him three or four ice-death stares, but he was oblivious and he just kept it up. So after about five minutes, I leaned over behind my wife, real nice and confidential like and said in a decently loud, but not aggressive voice, "Hey, buddy, I'd consider it a personal favor if you'd watch your language and cut the cursing. There are women and children here."

He looked at me, shocked. Then he blubbered -- "Huh?? What??!! It's a FOOTBALL GAME!!!"

I said to him: "Nevertheless....I'd be grateful."

He shut up and left at halftime, never to return.

 

[Jebediah Springfield]

My grandmother never had a problem around men. Then again she was 6'3 250 and ran a 4.5 forty...

 

[irishog77]

My grandmother never had a problem around men. Then again she was 6'3 250 and ran a 4.5 forty...

Laser or hand timed?

Also-- we need pics.

 

[Jebediah Springfield]

Laser or hand timed?

Also-- we need pics.

 

[IrishinTN]

Laser or hand timed?

Also-- we need pics.

 

[irishpat183]

Yeah, this is what I did, essentially. There were people, esp. women sitting closer to him, and I thought they were getting uncomfortable, as was my wife, but no guy near him said anything. So I shot him three or four ice-death stares, but he was oblivious and he just kept it up. So after about five minutes, I leaned over behind my wife, real nice and confidential like and said in a decently loud, but not aggressive voice, "Hey, buddy, I'd consider it a personal favor if you'd watch your language and cut the cursing. There are women and children here."

He looked at me, shocked. Then he blubbered -- "Huh?? What??!! It's a FOOTBALL GAME!!!"

I said to him: "Nevertheless....I'd be grateful."

He shut up and left at halftime, never to return.

Exactly. In 90% of the instances that I've confronted someone, they've heard my request and it's ended respectfully(this might be because I'm 6'3 250). People that act like that (and the coffee guy) are not tough guys. Tough guys have respect for others and know when to be tough and when not to be.

In these scenario's, I'm not out to humlilate or start a fight...but to make sure the guy knows that he cannot get away with acting like a jerk.


And as I said in a prior post that some on here dismissed as being "generalities"...Those guys 90% of the time act like that at home. If they don't have the respect at the ballgame or airport, what the hell makes you think they do behind closed doors?

 

[irishpat183]

If I had my kid(s) with me, I'd play that card and ask him to watch his language. I'm not afraid to be confrontational, but I'd probably try to handle it peacefully at first out of respect for my kid(s). If my kids weren't with me, I'd tell the guy to shut the f*** up and point out the likely fact that the players and coaches can't hear him. If he turned his negativity towards me, I'd verbally abuse him and break his balls until he stopped or security got involved. It's a gift I have

On a similar note, one of my biggest pet peeves is listening to people in the stadium yell specific things, good or bad, to players, coaches and referees. If I'm sitting anywhere other than right behind the bench, I just make noise (occasionally...I usually just watch the game without much emotion). I can't stand the people that tell the coach what he should do, etc. They can't hear you buddy!

Funny thing is...until I had my two little ones...I didn't understand. But now I do.

I'm a full on father now. LOL. I was that guy yelling at the game. But I would always respond to parents if they asked me to tone it down.


I have a great story about that a few years back at an Astros game...We were sitting in the field seats behind the vistors dugout and just killing the opposing team. We were using some choice language, mainly because of the 10 dollar beers flowing through our blood, and a family of 4 was sitting a couple rows behind us. The dad approached us and asked us nicely if we would'n't mind toning it down because he has kids. We did.

When he left he came buy and shook our hands and handed us a $100 bill and said the "post game party is on me, fellas"

 

[palinurus]

Exactly. In 90% of the instances that I've confronted someone, they've heard my request and it's ended respectfully(this might be because I'm 6'3 250). People that act like that (and the coffee guy) are not tough guys. Tough guys have respect for others and know when to be tough and when not to be.

In these scenario's, I'm not out to humlilate or start a fight...but to make sure the guy knows that he cannot get away with acting like a jerk.


And as I said in a prior post that some on here dismissed as being "generalities"...Those guys 90% of the time act like that at home. If they don't have the respect at the ballgame or airport, what the hell makes you think they do behind closed doors?

Yeah, this guy was genuinely flabbergasted that I would have a problem with loud foul language in mixed company in public, esp. at a "football game." It was as though it never occurred to him he shouldn't curse like that, in a flowing stream of invective, before strangers. No question he thinks that type language is appropriate routine conversational currency.