BleedBlueGold
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TLDR; I am considering signing up for the RCIA program at our local church. I grew up in a non-denominational Christian household. My wife and her family are Catholic. Both of our children are baptized in the church and my daughter just took her first communion over the weekend. Converting has always been on my mind since my wife and I got married. That feeling grew stronger when we had kids. But lately, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with the feeling to do it now.
The long of it...
My parents are borderline fundamentalists. My dad more so than my mom. For most of his life, he's been very prejudiced and preachy. Oftentimes out of complete ignorance and through blind faith. When my brother and I got older, we started asking questions about science. Things we learned about radioactive dating, evolution, etc. Questions about other religions and why they followed the one they did and their opinions of others. We were almost always met with shoulder shrugs from my mom and sometimes downright anger and hatred from my dad (which just pissed me off and caused me to be very argumentative and/or closed off). Ultimately, my brother and I (independently from one another) chose a life into adulthood w/o a church. We still maintained Christian beliefs and values, but felt that a person's relationship with God is their own and how they practice in their religion is a private, personal matter. For years, we maintained that spiritual mindset.
I never stopped believing in God. But I did allow my relationship to take a back seat to literally everything else in my life. I occasionally went to church. I occasionally prayed. But mostly, I just coasted through many years of early adulthood. Wandering aimlessly; knowing there was a void in my life; unsure what exactly it was; assuming it was God; but ultimately doing nothing about it.
I visited the Vatican with a good friend who is Catholic in my mid 20s. He was beside himself. I, on the other hand, became so intrigued by the history that was there, smacking me in the face. I'm not a subscriber to "seeing is believing," but I'd by lying if questions due to all my years of studying science and math didn't cause me to put up some walls. Being in that place changed me and I've never been able to put my finger on why. I still question historic dates, cultures, timelines of religion, ancient civilizations, etc. However, I think I finally realized that Faith needs no explanations. God cannot be empirically proven or defined. I am far from a theologian, historian, archeologist, geologist, etc. And I eventually accepted that maybe I do not need all of the answers. Still, I did nothing about it.
Years passed. I got married. Had a family. I began to feel my lack of spirituality was creating an even bigger void than before. I'm a dad, a role model, a provider, a leader. I felt myself, at times, screaming out for something, yet I continued to suppress it. I was feeling depressed....something that is well documented in the Career Change Advice thread on this board. Nothing was working out for me. I had everything and nothing at the same time. I got a new job that allows me to work from home. It's been life changing. I felt a huge weight lift off of me when I started. I even felt a physical interaction of sorts that caused me to hit my knees, on the spot, and pray. I've never experienced that before in my life. But in that moment, I thanked God for blessing me with the opportunity. Even though the path that lead me there was often times a struggle. In the end, it worked out and I am grateful.
This weekend, my daughter had her first communion. I normally don't go up in the receiving line (even to just receive a blessing). But I wanted to be there and support my daughter. During which, my 5 yr old son looked up at me, smiled, and said thank you for coming up with them. I felt tears roll down my face. My heart felt heavy. I once again prayed, thanking God for not giving up on me.
That night I received a text from my childhood best friend. A friend who's family were anything but religious . He congratulated me and my daughter and told me how he had converted to Catholicism, himself, a few years ago. He mentioned growing up together and spending the night at my house and having to go to church on Sundays with my family. He said it took him many years to realize it, but that's when his relationship with God began. We laughed at the irony in how my parents brought him to God, while my brother and I were actively feeling pushed another direction. Strange how life works.
Nevertheless, here I am, ready to grow spiritually. I believe RCIA classes start this fall.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading.
The long of it...
My parents are borderline fundamentalists. My dad more so than my mom. For most of his life, he's been very prejudiced and preachy. Oftentimes out of complete ignorance and through blind faith. When my brother and I got older, we started asking questions about science. Things we learned about radioactive dating, evolution, etc. Questions about other religions and why they followed the one they did and their opinions of others. We were almost always met with shoulder shrugs from my mom and sometimes downright anger and hatred from my dad (which just pissed me off and caused me to be very argumentative and/or closed off). Ultimately, my brother and I (independently from one another) chose a life into adulthood w/o a church. We still maintained Christian beliefs and values, but felt that a person's relationship with God is their own and how they practice in their religion is a private, personal matter. For years, we maintained that spiritual mindset.
I never stopped believing in God. But I did allow my relationship to take a back seat to literally everything else in my life. I occasionally went to church. I occasionally prayed. But mostly, I just coasted through many years of early adulthood. Wandering aimlessly; knowing there was a void in my life; unsure what exactly it was; assuming it was God; but ultimately doing nothing about it.
I visited the Vatican with a good friend who is Catholic in my mid 20s. He was beside himself. I, on the other hand, became so intrigued by the history that was there, smacking me in the face. I'm not a subscriber to "seeing is believing," but I'd by lying if questions due to all my years of studying science and math didn't cause me to put up some walls. Being in that place changed me and I've never been able to put my finger on why. I still question historic dates, cultures, timelines of religion, ancient civilizations, etc. However, I think I finally realized that Faith needs no explanations. God cannot be empirically proven or defined. I am far from a theologian, historian, archeologist, geologist, etc. And I eventually accepted that maybe I do not need all of the answers. Still, I did nothing about it.
Years passed. I got married. Had a family. I began to feel my lack of spirituality was creating an even bigger void than before. I'm a dad, a role model, a provider, a leader. I felt myself, at times, screaming out for something, yet I continued to suppress it. I was feeling depressed....something that is well documented in the Career Change Advice thread on this board. Nothing was working out for me. I had everything and nothing at the same time. I got a new job that allows me to work from home. It's been life changing. I felt a huge weight lift off of me when I started. I even felt a physical interaction of sorts that caused me to hit my knees, on the spot, and pray. I've never experienced that before in my life. But in that moment, I thanked God for blessing me with the opportunity. Even though the path that lead me there was often times a struggle. In the end, it worked out and I am grateful.
This weekend, my daughter had her first communion. I normally don't go up in the receiving line (even to just receive a blessing). But I wanted to be there and support my daughter. During which, my 5 yr old son looked up at me, smiled, and said thank you for coming up with them. I felt tears roll down my face. My heart felt heavy. I once again prayed, thanking God for not giving up on me.
That night I received a text from my childhood best friend. A friend who's family were anything but religious . He congratulated me and my daughter and told me how he had converted to Catholicism, himself, a few years ago. He mentioned growing up together and spending the night at my house and having to go to church on Sundays with my family. He said it took him many years to realize it, but that's when his relationship with God began. We laughed at the irony in how my parents brought him to God, while my brother and I were actively feeling pushed another direction. Strange how life works.
Nevertheless, here I am, ready to grow spiritually. I believe RCIA classes start this fall.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading.
