SOMEONE! make me laugh!

[NDOM]

I'm in a VERY pissed off mood right now. Whoever comes up with a good joke and or bash against someone else on this board (Including me. I can take it) I will donate 5 million vbucks for 1st place 2.5 million for 2nd place and 1 million for 3rd and 500,000 for honorable mention. Someone please make me laugh.

 

[IHateMarkMay]

did you hear the one about the blonde, black guy, and mormon that walked into a bar... oh wait thats the presidential candidates...

 

[IHateMarkMay]

duplicate

 

[Ultimate Penn St. Hater]

You're from Michigan, but to see how a lot of people from Norhteast PA talk (because we have a good recruit on our radar right now for 2009), go to YouTube and look up heynabonics. Guaranteed to make you laugh. Go Irish!

 

[Ultimate Penn St. Hater]

Or go to YouTube and go to It's Getting Hot in Here: Scranton Style
If you love "The Office," you'll love this. Go Irish!

 

[NDOM]

Not bad. I'm still not laughin my ass off yet though. Come on you guys. Give me SOMETHING!

 

[NDOM]

You're from Michigan, but to see how a lot of people from Norhteast PA talk (because we have a good recruit on our radar right now for 2009), go to YouTube and look up heynabonics. Guaranteed to make you laugh. Go Irish!

I do like this one though.

 

[stonebreakerwasgod]

I'm in a VERY pissed off mood right now. Whoever comes up with a good joke and or bash against someone else on this board (Including me. I can take it) I will donate 5 million vbucks for 1st place 2.5 million for 2nd place and 1 million for 3rd and 500,000 for honorable mention. Someone please make me laugh.

I said a hip hop the hippie
the hippie to the hip hip a hop and ya don't stop
A rock on baby bubba to the boogety bang
bang the boogie to the boogety beat
Now what'chu hear is not a test I'm a rappin to the beat
It's just me the groove and my squad we gonna try to move your feet
See I am the doctor spoc and I'd like to say hello
A to the black to the white the red and the brown
the purple and yellow
Well, first I gotta bang bang the boogie to the boogie
say up jump the boogie to
Bang bang boogie let's rock you don't stop
Rock the rhythm that'll make your body rock
Now, so far you heard my voice a but I brought 2 friends along
And next on the mic is my man E come on E sing that song

[Erick Sermon]
Well I'm imp the dip the ladies pimp
The womens fight for my delight
Cuz im the grandmaster with the 3 MCs
That shocked ya house for the young ladies
And when ya come inside into the front
And you do the freak spank and you do the bump
An When a sucka MCs tryin to prove a point
They trust this trio and wit a serious joint
And from sun to sun and from day to day
I sit back and write a brand new rhyme
Because they say that lyricals never cease
I created a devastated masterpiece
I'm gonna rock the mic 'til you can't resist
EVERYBODY! I said it goes like this
See I was comin home late one dark afternoon
Reporter stopped me for an interview
She said she heard stories and she heard fables
That I Mrs. On the mic and the turntables
This young reporter I did adore
Start rockin through this rhyme like I never did before
She said damn fly guy I'm in love wit'chu
Said that casanova led ya musta been true
I said by the way baby what's your name?
She said I go by the name of Lois Lane
And you could be my boyfriend you truly can
Just let me cut my boyfriend called Superman
I said he's a fairy I do suppose
Flyin through the air in pantyhose
He may be very sexy or even cute
But he look like a sucka in a blue & red suit
I said I need a man who got finesse
and his whole name across his chest
He may be able to fly all through the night
But he can't rock a party through the early light
He can't satisfy you with his little worm
But I can bust you out with my Supersperm
I go do it - I go do it - I go do it - do it - do it
And I'm here and I'm there
And I'm big bad E and I'm everywhere
So just throw your hands up in the air
And party hard like you just don't care
And just do it and don't stop y'all
A tick a tock y'all and ya don't stop
It goes ho-tel, mo-tel What'cha gonna do today(Say Wha'?)
I'm gonna get a fly girl, I'm gonna get some spankin'
Drive off with a def OJ
Everybody go, Ho-tel, Mo-tel Hoilday Inn(Say Wha'?)
I say if your girl start actin' up
Then you take her friend
I say Skip, Dive What can I say?
I can't fit 'em all inside my OJ
So I just take half and bust 'em out
And leave the rest to Master Gee
So he can shock the house!

 

[NDOM]

I said a hip hop the hippie
the hippie to the hip hip a hop and ya don't stop
A rock on baby bubba to the boogety bang
bang the boogie to the boogety beat
Now what'chu hear is not a test I'm a rappin to the beat
It's just me the groove and my squad we gonna try to move your feet
See I am the doctor spoc and I'd like to say hello
A to the black to the white the red and the brown
the purple and yellow
Well, first I gotta bang bang the boogie to the boogie
say up jump the boogie to
Bang bang boogie let's rock you don't stop
Rock the rhythm that'll make your body rock
Now, so far you heard my voice a but I brought 2 friends along
And next on the mic is my man E come on E sing that song

[Erick Sermon]
Well I'm imp the dip the ladies pimp
The womens fight for my delight
Cuz im the grandmaster with the 3 MCs
That shocked ya house for the young ladies
And when ya come inside into the front
And you do the freak spank and you do the bump
An When a sucka MCs tryin to prove a point
They trust this trio and wit a serious joint
And from sun to sun and from day to day
I sit back and write a brand new rhyme
Because they say that lyricals never cease
I created a devastated masterpiece
I'm gonna rock the mic 'til you can't resist
EVERYBODY! I said it goes like this
See I was comin home late one dark afternoon
Reporter stopped me for an interview
She said she heard stories and she heard fables
That I Mrs. On the mic and the turntables
This young reporter I did adore
Start rockin through this rhyme like I never did before
She said damn fly guy I'm in love wit'chu
Said that casanova led ya musta been true
I said by the way baby what's your name?
She said I go by the name of Lois Lane
And you could be my boyfriend you truly can
Just let me cut my boyfriend called Superman
I said he's a fairy I do suppose
Flyin through the air in pantyhose
He may be very sexy or even cute
But he look like a sucka in a blue & red suit
I said I need a man who got finesse
and his whole name across his chest
He may be able to fly all through the night
But he can't rock a party through the early light
He can't satisfy you with his little worm
But I can bust you out with my Supersperm
I go do it - I go do it - I go do it - do it - do it
And I'm here and I'm there
And I'm big bad E and I'm everywhere
So just throw your hands up in the air
And party hard like you just don't care
And just do it and don't stop y'all
A tick a tock y'all and ya don't stop
It goes ho-tel, mo-tel What'cha gonna do today(Say Wha'?)
I'm gonna get a fly girl, I'm gonna get some spankin'
Drive off with a def OJ
Everybody go, Ho-tel, Mo-tel Hoilday Inn(Say Wha'?)
I say if your girl start actin' up
Then you take her friend
I say Skip, Dive What can I say?
I can't fit 'em all inside my OJ
So I just take half and bust 'em out
And leave the rest to Master Gee
So he can shock the house!

Not only is that funny you need to be rewarded for the effort. GOOD LORD!

 

[IrishRamMan10]

i got some good ones but they are really bad.... i dont want to offend anyone haha

 

[NDOM]

i got some good ones but they are really bad.... i dont want to offend anyone haha

You can send me a message. I wont get offended. If anyone has something they think will offend and dont dare post you can send me a message. NOTHING offends me at all.

 

[stonebreakerwasgod]

Not only is that funny you need to be rewarded for the effort. GOOD LORD!

I wrote it all out by hand, and it took me hours.....

 

[Junkhead]

.

 

[IrishRamMan10]

I sent you the jokes NDOM... caution reading thr first one... its really bad

 

[IrishRamMan10]

board friendly.

. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked
to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought
the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,
but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can
prevent florist friars.

 

[phork]

A guy walks into a bar... Man thats gotta hurt.

 

[NDOM]

board friendly.

. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked
to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought
the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,
but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can
prevent florist friars.

Oh my god! Thats a good one too. nice and clean. I do like the dirty ones too though.

 

[IrishRamMan10]

haha

 

[NDOM]

CONTEST WILL END AT MIDNIGHT my time. which is about 24 minutes from now.

 

[IrishRamMan10]

VERY LONG... but one of my favorites

VERY LONG... but one of my favorites

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

 

[NDOM]

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

DING DING DING! I think we may have a winner! ROFLMAO!!

 

[IrishRamMan10]

8 minutes til victory...haha

 

[NDOM]

7 Minutes now.

 

[phork]

come on, mine was better !

 

[NDOM]

CONTEST OVER! Thanks guys. I will now make my decision and gladly pay you guys. Hold please.

 

[NDOM]

First place) IrishRamMan10
Second Place)Stonebreakerwasgod/Phork (will each get 2.5)
Third Place)Trippero
Honorable Mention)IHateMarkMay

Congrats on the winners.

 

[IrishRamMan10]

Byaaaaaaa

 

[phork]

Hizzah !

 

[Irishknight1023]

this is bullshit I just opened this thread for the first time..........Stoney pasted those lyrics and should be negatively repped

 

[stonebreakerwasgod]

Thanx IK. MY neg reps are more negative than yours. On guard!