is this rock bottom?

[Kak7304]

Some of the drink/screw your problems away methods might work with a little break-up, but this sounds like a bit more serious. I would avoid that path in your situation to avoid going down a path of self-destructive behavior, unless you think you can have a few fun nights to forget the pain but keep your head on straight. My advice would be to keep your head up and find a positive outlet, school, work, working out, volunteering, etc., to keep yourself busy. Trust me, staying busy will help because there's nothing worse than being alone with your own thoughts while going through this.

Having gone through a similar situation, I would give her space and you never know, she might realize the mistake she's made. Regardless of what happens, this is the worst it will feel. You'll feel a little better each day when you realize life does in fact go on.

 

[InKellyITrust]

I went through something similar when I was in college. I tried out new hobbies such as running and volunteering. I stopped thinking that something was wrong with me and became happy/independent again. I became a big brother for big brothers/big sisters and 5 years later, I'm matched up with the same kid. Also, I stopped looking for a girl and it just kind of happened. Now, I've been dating the same girl for over 3.5 years now and I'm proposing to her in November. The best advice that I can tell you is to find happiness in your life. After awhile, things will fall into place and start to go into your favor. Spend more time with your parents, grandparents, siblings and closest friends. That'll help you put into perspective what is really important in life.

 

[HereComeTheIrish]

Just be prepared to get terrible advice from everyone you know. People that are in relationships will tell you what they would do if they were suddenly single. People that are single won't understand what your problem is. As for my terrible piece of advice: to the extent possible, don't spend much time thinking about her. Spend your time thinking about you. Be selfish. Do what makes you happy. Lean on your boys. A new phase in your life starts today. Make it count.

Best advice I've seen yet. Reps.

 

[HereComeTheIrish]

Hell, I know a woman who was my college roommates dartboard...sweet girl and still talk to her on FB to this day. They both went abroad to Australia and she came home a lesbian. Who'd a thunk it...??? Dames are crazy dude....and you're not the first to go through this. The quicker you pick your azz us by the boot straps and quit self-loathing, the better it'll be. We've all been there....ALL OF US.

Tomorrow, the sun's gonna come up, the birds are going to chirp and there will be plenty of fine women out there that deserve your time and respect, which in return will be reciprocated. Now, that's a relationship. None of this "one sided, I need to do this for me nonsense" from this broad you were with. She's gone. Do you think she's beating herself up right now over this? Doubtbul.

Cast that line and get fishing...

 

[pkt77242]

Just be prepared to get terrible advice from everyone you know. People that are in relationships will tell you what they would do if they were suddenly single. People that are single won't understand what your problem is. As for my terrible piece of advice: to the extent possible, don't spend much time thinking about her. Spend your time thinking about you. Be selfish. Do what makes you happy. Lean on your boys. A new phase in your life starts today. Make it count.

^This

 

[BobD]

Just be prepared to get terrible advice from everyone you know. People that are in relationships will tell you what they would do if they were suddenly single. People that are single won't understand what your problem is. As for my terrible piece of advice: to the extent possible, don't spend much time thinking about her. Spend your time thinking about you. Be selfish. Do what makes you happy. Lean on your boys. A new phase in your life starts today. Make it count.

^^what Rhode said^^

 

[BobD]

Most chicks are, dude (except k1ssme1m1r1sh of course). For example, I had a girlfriend that broke up with me for an illegal Mexican immigrant with a fake name. He turned out to be a drug dealer, and kidnapped her when they caught them in Tennessee. It was in the news down here. Chicks are nuts.

Dude, that could be one of those movies on Lifetime that my wife watches.

Sorry you had to live it.

 

[BobD]

You sound like a substantial and serious young man who really cared about this woman whole-heartedly, and was not in the relationship for the "handy-sex", even as a top priority. She was much more than that to you. Because of that, a lot of this "bury yourself in meaningless sex" advice is not going to help, as Jason said. You need to find the solid foundation of your life, and dwell there a bit, and let go.

That foundation will hopefully include an open quiet Church somewhere. Just go in and sit. Healing thoughts will come. The Spirit is always there just at our soul's windows --- open a window up. Thoughts will come about what you still have --- family, friends, work, health, time, ... life will begin to look promising after all. Ways will open to you. You'll begin to be thankful for what you have.

Now the tough part, but the fastest way to healing: forgive her. She messed up. She's making bad decisions. You used to really love this person. Forgive her. Hope that she straightens out her life. Hard...I know...it will come if you let it. Forgiveness is paradoxically more about ourselves than the one forgiven. You, I, we cannot heal the other. But we can remove the lead that has been laid upon our souls. Let her go. Walk lightly. Go into the light --- there's a lot of it out there...and a lot of very nice people who really DO want to be part of your life.

God bless you.

Wow! What a great post and good advice! If I ever have a question...I'm gonna bother you, if ya don't mind.

 

[PJWhitfield]

Ive never been more angry in my entire life.

I'm wondering how you would feel if
a) you lost her because she got in a car accident and died or
b) lost her because you decided to dump her or
c) lost her because you never met her.
Sometimes it's just our ego driving, or at least heightening, the pain. If you should run into her, stop her and thank her for ending it. Tell her you think she was right to end it and you're feeling better and better. Fake it if you have to. You'll feel better and she'll take on some of the ego-driven pain.
You've still got your man card, man, and we're pulling for you.

 

[irishtrain]

Hey guys...

I think I might be losing it...

My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me last night. Im sitting here at work and I cant focus on anything. Ive never been more angry in my entire life.

I never thought this would happen to me...

I dont know what to do with myself...

I need some advice.

nl-we;ve all been there and it hurts-just hang tough and concentrate on the good you can do for another. If she's the one she''l give you the opportunity to do the right thing and get it back. If not I can assure you it will pass. But most of all you are in our thoughts-keep your poise you 'Irish'. I will say a little prayer for ya.

 

[PJWhitfield]

Also keep in mind that as men we are all idiots and we routinely give exceptionally bad advice. So maybe it's dangerous to listen to us.

 

[pkt77242]

There is a lot of good advice being give so far.

1. Time heals everything
2. It is easier said then done to not think about her
3. You need to concentrate on things that you enjoy and try to avoid things that make you think of her.
4. Sex is great and enjoy it with other women but it will not replace her and don't expect it too.
5. Don't get in another long term relationship right away. Take time to figure out what you want next.
6. Don't drink to excess. A drink or two can help you forget. A fifth of Jack will just be a regret the next morning (personal experience).
7. There are many more women out there. Go and find them when you are ready.
8. treat yourself out. If you like sushi and she didn't, go and eat it. If you hated sports and you love them, watch them. You are number 1 now.
9. As someone else said, volunteer, help feed the poor, go and see people who are much less fortunate than yourself. It will help you keep perspective.
10. Finally, don't do anything stupid. yes this seems like a give, but I can't count how many friends have seriously ****ed themselves up after a bad breakup.

Keep your chin up and we are here for you.

 

[IrishinSyria]

As usual, South Park says it all... for what its worth, I saw people go through much worse in Basic... seemed like everytime we got our phones somebody else lost a wife. Just got to realize that nobody can define you but yourself.

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[BeauBenken]

Im 23. Im an accountant in manufacturing. Went to college at Xavier in Cincinnati. Ive been to Europe, South America, Carribean Islands, Australia, and most of the united states.... I have seen the world. I guess i just knew what I wanted..... I am more distraught over how someone who was your best friend can just..... change....

Just got back to reading through this thread again.

I know this feeling, but honestly, it happens. I have a great friend who for the longest time I've considered my best friend, but when I realize it, we aren't all that compatible. We just care about each other.

I of course realized this after he moved to NC for college after the plans were for us to stick together. He probably still thinks I'll be his best man (which I would be damn proud to do). We will always be close, close friends, but I realized that he's planning on becoming a preacher, and I...well... I want to LIVE during my college years (although I really haven't done any living lately lol).

Anyways, you're young. People change. Things change. She probably realized this bro. I guarantee it's hurting her too, but when she looks at it (and you will realize this too), you're both traveling in different directions. There's so much more for you to do. Don't give up now, bud.

If you feel like **** now...hey...at least it only gets better from here on out, right?!

Seriously, take care of yourself and get to feeling better. I promise it gets better.

 

[nlroma1o]

Thank you all so much. It really does help just being able to talk to everyone on here.

When Im at home I have my friends and family. When Im at work and I feel like I am going to crumble, I can get on IE and have you guys.

Thanks you all so much

 

[hrc08]

Same thing happened to me 12 years ago, except I was in a 6 year relationship. I thought I was going to die. I lost weight, couldn't sleep.
I now own a house, have 2 gorgeous kids and am married to a women who worships me and I worship her.
Realize that life is actually kinda long, don't do anything that you'll regret(I sure did and I certainly regreted it) like calling her and bugging her. If you guys are meant to be, she'll have to see it for it to happen. DON'T CALL HER, DON'T CALL HER, DON'T CALL HER. Did you hear me??? She sitting there with her friends when you call and their all making you look like an ***. DON"T CALL HER.
Keep your head up. If you have some money, go buy yourself some new clothes, go out of town for a weekend. Get a tan. Change yourself. And DON'T CALL HER.

 

[hrc08]

That's your problem. You need to get out of Granger dude. Seriously, you probably feel like the world is the sad, four walls your sitting in right now.

I don't know your age, your finances or school situation.. but if you are that distraught you need change.

What are your friends and family doing for you?

Better yourself.. and don't ever rely solely on one person for your happiness. Especially when you are young.

No freaking doubt. You are in need of a bartending job in the Bahama's. Go! She'll never know what hit her. Im telling you, this guy has it figured out. Get the hell out of town, like NOW!