WabashFalcon
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NeuteredDomer, it is time to address a relivent question that I'm sure has been on all of the posters' minds as of late. We know how much you front the image of being a woodland badass, but you are, after all, a prepubescant and hornless deer. Thus, this has made me think "outside the box" so to speak.
I have racked my brain for other Disney creatures as to who could kick your ass at a similar age. Well, Sleeping Beauty had already encounted a prick that fucked up her life for years (much like Lorenna Bobbit) and Snow White was having a train ran on her ass by seven midgets with personality disorders. Thus, I realized that I should draw a compairson only between fellow animated creatures. This means no pansy ass Aladdian in his gay vest, no Mulan with her taped down tatties, no half-fish with star covered knockers, and none of the traditional evil characters. Now before announcing my final fight and its results, I need to elimate a few potential animals that would eat and shit Bambi/NeuteredDomer out with suprising ease.
First, no Beast. That motherfucker is all badass and literally fucked up Gaston's world when he came at him with a gun and a knife. Bambi's ass would have been destroyed. Also, I would have to discount David Spade's emu form from the Emperor's New Groove mainly because he is half man and has a large man constantly protecting his ass. Stitch is also out... seeing as that mother fucker has a ray gun and could make venison out of Bambi faster than you could say "MOTHER!" Thus, the only fair fight I can see would be between Bambi and young Simba... and the winner would eventually be the latter of the two.
You see, I envision this fight lasting for quite a while. Bambi has no horns and his only weapons are his hooves and teeth (which are more than likely filled with the broken pieces of Cracker Jacks stuck between his molars). On the other hand, Simba has claws, teeth, a mother fucking badass roar, and previous experience fighting off multiple jackles. That is a point in Bambi's corner.
Next, if you look at life experience, Simba is the 50 Cent to Bambi's Vanilla Ice. Simba's father was capped in front of him, Simba was banished from his homeland, and survived a motherfucking stampede. He then came back and won a duel on a flaming MOUNTAIN as opposed to Bambi's "cockfight" in a burning forest. Additionally, Bambi's early life tradgedy was running into a thicket and NEVER SEEING his mother become an out of season piece of deer jerkey. Thus, I will have to call this one in slight favor of Simba... but this could easily be a wash.
Third, look at the group each roles with if this fight would go Hollifield/Tyson entrourage brawl. Simba runs with a lioness, his papa (abigscaryholymotherfuckingshitofamotherfucker), a goddamn feral warthog, and a meerkat with a sassy attitude. As for Bambi? A rabbit and a shunk. That is like having three diabetic D&D loving white nerds vs. a few mafia soldiers. Again, it falls to Simba.
Lastly, the brawl will end with both parties bloodied and bruised, but Simba's teeth/claws will hit a major vein before Bambi induces enough physical trauma. Bambi will bleed to death. Simba will crack a few bones and gain street cred with all of the other woodland creatures who love to frolick in the grasses and greens. Thus, even though NeuteredDomer is a cracker jack loving, beer swilling, OG from the block, his ass, in my professional Disney opinion, will end up getting thrashed by a kitty cat... with sharp freaking teeth.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is my Saturday night.
I have racked my brain for other Disney creatures as to who could kick your ass at a similar age. Well, Sleeping Beauty had already encounted a prick that fucked up her life for years (much like Lorenna Bobbit) and Snow White was having a train ran on her ass by seven midgets with personality disorders. Thus, I realized that I should draw a compairson only between fellow animated creatures. This means no pansy ass Aladdian in his gay vest, no Mulan with her taped down tatties, no half-fish with star covered knockers, and none of the traditional evil characters. Now before announcing my final fight and its results, I need to elimate a few potential animals that would eat and shit Bambi/NeuteredDomer out with suprising ease.
First, no Beast. That motherfucker is all badass and literally fucked up Gaston's world when he came at him with a gun and a knife. Bambi's ass would have been destroyed. Also, I would have to discount David Spade's emu form from the Emperor's New Groove mainly because he is half man and has a large man constantly protecting his ass. Stitch is also out... seeing as that mother fucker has a ray gun and could make venison out of Bambi faster than you could say "MOTHER!" Thus, the only fair fight I can see would be between Bambi and young Simba... and the winner would eventually be the latter of the two.
You see, I envision this fight lasting for quite a while. Bambi has no horns and his only weapons are his hooves and teeth (which are more than likely filled with the broken pieces of Cracker Jacks stuck between his molars). On the other hand, Simba has claws, teeth, a mother fucking badass roar, and previous experience fighting off multiple jackles. That is a point in Bambi's corner.
Next, if you look at life experience, Simba is the 50 Cent to Bambi's Vanilla Ice. Simba's father was capped in front of him, Simba was banished from his homeland, and survived a motherfucking stampede. He then came back and won a duel on a flaming MOUNTAIN as opposed to Bambi's "cockfight" in a burning forest. Additionally, Bambi's early life tradgedy was running into a thicket and NEVER SEEING his mother become an out of season piece of deer jerkey. Thus, I will have to call this one in slight favor of Simba... but this could easily be a wash.
Third, look at the group each roles with if this fight would go Hollifield/Tyson entrourage brawl. Simba runs with a lioness, his papa (abigscaryholymotherfuckingshitofamotherfucker), a goddamn feral warthog, and a meerkat with a sassy attitude. As for Bambi? A rabbit and a shunk. That is like having three diabetic D&D loving white nerds vs. a few mafia soldiers. Again, it falls to Simba.
Lastly, the brawl will end with both parties bloodied and bruised, but Simba's teeth/claws will hit a major vein before Bambi induces enough physical trauma. Bambi will bleed to death. Simba will crack a few bones and gain street cred with all of the other woodland creatures who love to frolick in the grasses and greens. Thus, even though NeuteredDomer is a cracker jack loving, beer swilling, OG from the block, his ass, in my professional Disney opinion, will end up getting thrashed by a kitty cat... with sharp freaking teeth.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is my Saturday night.
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