Cancer Sucks

[yankeehater]

Hate to bring up this thread, but I'm looking for some suggestions for family support, mostly for my wife and her mom. We found out a couple weeks ago that my father in law has stage 3 esophageal cancer. He is 61 years old, not a heavy drinker, non smoker, and not overly heavy, apparently just cursed with God awful luck. He is going through the usual battery of tests right now before they begin radiation and chemo, hopefully followed by surgery. I've scoured the Internet and the survival rate statistics are pretty grim (less than 20% survive 5 years after diagnosis at this stage). I don't dare tell my wife that though, as I want to make sure she stays as positive as possible. What I haven't been able to find is enough family support information for people going through the same cancer and treatments. My wife has been a wreck and I'd appreciate it if anyone has any suggestions that I can utilize to help her through this trying time, even if it is a book suggestion or something like that.

NDBoiler:

My Father survived stage 4 esophageal cancer while in his 60's. It had spread to his stomach and lungs. The Dr's exact quote when he was cancer free was "he was circling the drain when we started." Same scenario as your father-in-law...not a heavy drinker, non-smoker, etc.

I am not going to tell you it will be easy on him or anyone in the family. As most will tell you, CHEMO SUCKS. I would not wish it on my worst enemy and after witnessing it on my Father (twice) I swore I would never do it myself if I was ever diagnosed. First suggestion, do not read or allow your wife to read anything. People sent me stuff all the time and it only got me more depressed. Statistics are just what they are statistics. Not everyone or every case is the same. We were lucky my Father was an extremely strong man so he could take a lot. With that came higher doses of chemo which is just more torturous. He never had surgery. It took almost 2-3 years of chemo and radiation and it finally did work in the end.

On a real personal note, this will be tough on your relationship. During my Father's two bouts with cancer, I put my life on hold. I was there for my Mom as my only other sibling lived out of state. My personal relationships suffered as did my career focus.

Please reach out to me when needed.

 

[NDBoiler]

I'm really sorry to hear this, Boiler. Have you looked into this group yet?

Cancer Support Community Central Indiana | Providing Support With, Through and Beyond Cancer

Even if they don't have what you need, I'm sure they maintain a comprehensive list of local support groups?

NDBoiler:

My Father survived stage 4 esophageal cancer while in his 60's. It had spread to his stomach and lungs. The Dr's exact quote when he was cancer free was "he was circling the drain when we started." Same scenario as your father-in-law...not a heavy drinker, non-smoker, etc.

I am not going to tell you it will be easy on him or anyone in the family. As most will tell you, CHEMO SUCKS. I would not wish it on my worst enemy and after witnessing it on my Father (twice) I swore I would never do it myself if I was ever diagnosed. First suggestion, do not read or allow your wife to read anything. People sent me stuff all the time and it only got me more depressed. Statistics are just what they are statistics. Not everyone or every case is the same. We were lucky my Father was an extremely strong man so he could take a lot. With that came higher doses of chemo which is just more torturous. He never had surgery. It took almost 2-3 years of chemo and radiation and it finally did work in the end.

On a real personal note, this will be tough on your relationship. During my Father's two bouts with cancer, I put my life on hold. I was there for my Mom as my only other sibling lived out of state. My personal relationships suffered as did my career focus.

Please reach out to me when needed.

Thanks guys, much appreciated!