RIP...

[ulukinatme]

I’m sorry for dragging this down but I’m too deep to breathe and I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my wife yesterday morning to ALS.

I’ve been trying to think of how to form my words, but I’m at a loss. I (39 M) lost my wife (39 F) yesterday morning at around 3 a.m. to ALS. Her tracheostomy tubing got disconnected somehow overnight and I wasn’t able to hear the alarm fast enough to do anything about it. She was gone before I could even try and save her. I don’t know how it happened - I’ve replayed it a billion times so I could blame myself and I can’t think of anything I missed.

My whole world is over. I knew ALS would take her from me eventually, but not like this. Not because I couldn’t keep her safe. I failed the most important person in the world and I’m not sure how I can go forward from here.

So umm … I don’t know. I just needed to get these words out of my head.

No words can effectively soften this blow, but don't look to blame yourself. Things happen, all you can do is look back at the extra time you were given because I'm guessing without the tube she would have been gone sooner.

My wife worked in home health for many years when we were first married. One of the patients she looked after the longest was an elderly woman who was a quadriplegic, brought on by a flu shot that triggered her Guillain-Barre syndrome. That woman also relied on a tube, and because my wife tended to her the longest she often trained new nurses on how to take care of the woman on the shifts she wasn't covering. After a number of years a new nurse had the tube fail and she wasn't able to correct it in time, the woman passed. My wife blamed herself for awhile, the grief of losing a patient and family she had grown close to as a friend weighed on her greatly. Ultimately they found it was a freak situation that couldn't be prepared for, there's nothing she could have really done to help that nurse out prior.

You did not fail your wife. You took care of her till the very end. She's now in a better place where she no longer has to fight and struggle with such a terrible condition. I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm praying for you and your family at this time.

 

[GrangerIrish24]

I’m sorry for dragging this down but I’m too deep to breathe and I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my wife yesterday morning to ALS.

I’ve been trying to think of how to form my words, but I’m at a loss. I (39 M) lost my wife (39 F) yesterday morning at around 3 a.m. to ALS. Her tracheostomy tubing got disconnected somehow overnight and I wasn’t able to hear the alarm fast enough to do anything about it. She was gone before I could even try and save her. I don’t know how it happened - I’ve replayed it a billion times so I could blame myself and I can’t think of anything I missed.

My whole world is over. I knew ALS would take her from me eventually, but not like this. Not because I couldn’t keep her safe. I failed the most important person in the world and I’m not sure how I can go forward from here.

So umm … I don’t know. I just needed to get these words out of my head.

I cant even begin to comprehend what you are feeling but know that all of us are here for you, brother.

 

[Sea Turtle]

I'm so sorry this has happened. Everybody else is right, there are no words. I wish we could all give you a hug.

The only thing I can say is that she awaits for you in Paradise in the most perfect form. And even if you live the longest of lives, to her, it will only be aa a day.

 

[SDIrishFan]

I read your post several times, as well as everyone's responses, through welled up eyes. I'm truly sorry. I can't imagine what you've been through and certainly nothing will make you feel better in this moment. I just hope that sooner than later, you can look back on the memories with your wife and be thankful for the good times and what she meant to your life. Seems trivial now but it's what we humans have when we lose someone we love.

Also, know that your brothers (and sisters), in this tiny little space we call IE, are with you. You're not alone. I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but I care if for no other reason than I know you're hurting and that we share something in common.

 

[INLaw]

I’m sorry for dragging this down but I’m too deep to breathe and I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my wife yesterday morning to ALS.

I’ve been trying to think of how to form my words, but I’m at a loss. I (39 M) lost my wife (39 F) yesterday morning at around 3 a.m. to ALS. Her tracheostomy tubing got disconnected somehow overnight and I wasn’t able to hear the alarm fast enough to do anything about it. She was gone before I could even try and save her. I don’t know how it happened - I’ve replayed it a billion times so I could blame myself and I can’t think of anything I missed.

My whole world is over. I knew ALS would take her from me eventually, but not like this. Not because I couldn’t keep her safe. I failed the most important person in the world and I’m not sure how I can go forward from here.

So umm … I don’t know. I just needed to get these words out of my head.

Love you brother. Life isn’t fair. Cherish the best times. Dm me if anything i can do for you and of course you and yours have my prayers.

 

[Valpodoc85]

Colin, I'm sorry for your loss. ALS is tragic, I'm sure the recent months and years have taken a toll, one it sounds you were happy to bear. Take some time, reach out for grief counseling, try to enjoy life if only in part.

 

[Wild Bill]

I’m sorry for dragging this down but I’m too deep to breathe and I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my wife yesterday morning to ALS.

I’ve been trying to think of how to form my words, but I’m at a loss. I (39 M) lost my wife (39 F) yesterday morning at around 3 a.m. to ALS. Her tracheostomy tubing got disconnected somehow overnight and I wasn’t able to hear the alarm fast enough to do anything about it. She was gone before I could even try and save her. I don’t know how it happened - I’ve replayed it a billion times so I could blame myself and I can’t think of anything I missed.

My whole world is over. I knew ALS would take her from me eventually, but not like this. Not because I couldn’t keep her safe. I failed the most important person in the world and I’m not sure how I can go forward from here.

So umm … I don’t know. I just needed to get these words out of my head.

I'm sorry for your loss, Colin.

About five years ago, my father-in-law called my wife just before he attempted to end his life. She was washing dishes and couldn’t pick up right away because her hands were wet. A few minutes later, she dried her hands and called him back, but there was no answer. Concerned - he’d recently said some things that struck us as unusual - she tried calling him again and again, but still nothing. She called their neighbor and asked him to check on him. The neighbor hurried over and found him in the garage, unconscious from asphyxiation. He got him down, managed to restart his heart, and he was taken to the hospital.

We sat in the hospital for days, hoping he would wake up, but he eventually passed away. My wife and I were very close to him, and losing him took a severe toll on us both. My wife was overwhelmed with guilt for not answering his call, and it took time for her to work through that. She had to dig deep to let go of the misplaced guilt she felt, eventually realizing that it wasn’t her fault - none of us can control whether our loved ones will take their next breath.

My wife didn’t fail her father, and you didn’t fail your wife. It seems you gave so much of yourself to care for her through a terrible illness, and I’m sure she was grateful for you until her last moment.

I lost my father six months ago, and it was devastating. The grief felt endless those first few weeks. But in time, it does ease. There are good days and bad, but gradually, the weight becomes lighter. The best advice I can offer is to focus on the good times you shared together. My old man was nuts, and we had some great times - thinking about them brings me comfort and keeps his presence alive, especially in moments of despair. May God be with you.

 

[FDNYIrish1]

I’m sorry for dragging this down but I’m too deep to breathe and I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my wife yesterday morning to ALS.

I’ve been trying to think of how to form my words, but I’m at a loss. I (39 M) lost my wife (39 F) yesterday morning at around 3 a.m. to ALS. Her tracheostomy tubing got disconnected somehow overnight and I wasn’t able to hear the alarm fast enough to do anything about it. She was gone before I could even try and save her. I don’t know how it happened - I’ve replayed it a billion times so I could blame myself and I can’t think of anything I missed.

My whole world is over. I knew ALS would take her from me eventually, but not like this. Not because I couldn’t keep her safe. I failed the most important person in the world and I’m not sure how I can go forward from here.

So umm … I don’t know. I just needed to get these words out of my head.

My condolences for your loss my man. ALS is a horrible disease and those of us who have been impacted by it know you did the absolute best you could in incredibly difficult circumstances. May you find peace in the love you showed your beloved wife. God bless you

 

[FU BK]

I’m sorry for dragging this down but I’m too deep to breathe and I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my wife yesterday morning to ALS.

I’ve been trying to think of how to form my words, but I’m at a loss. I (39 M) lost my wife (39 F) yesterday morning at around 3 a.m. to ALS. Her tracheostomy tubing got disconnected somehow overnight and I wasn’t able to hear the alarm fast enough to do anything about it. She was gone before I could even try and save her. I don’t know how it happened - I’ve replayed it a billion times so I could blame myself and I can’t think of anything I missed.

My whole world is over. I knew ALS would take her from me eventually, but not like this. Not because I couldn’t keep her safe. I failed the most important person in the world and I’m not sure how I can go forward from here.

So umm … I don’t know. I just needed to get these words out of my head.

So sorry for your loss Colin. There are truly no words that can ease your grief. Will have you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. As others have said, feel free to reach out, we're all brothers here

 

[NDWarrior]

Very sorry for your loss and how you're feeling right now. Hopefully, you get a little solace from your IE community just being here and listening, even if we are only a small part of your life. Sending prayers to you and your family.

 

[Giddyup]

Sending prayers. May she be smiling down on you.

 

[domer13]

Will light a candle at the Grotto tonight. Peace, brother.

 

[ozzman]

Condolences for your loss 😢

 

[Bishop2b5]

Colin, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's death. I can't imagine how hard this loss must be, brother. You and I have had several private chats about her and her battle, and I know how much you loved her and how devoted to her and taking care of her through this you've been. My heart just goes out to you and your family right now. Please reach out if I can help in any way.

 

[NDLS_USMC]

May God send you peace soon, Colin.

May His Perpetual Light shine upon your beautiful bride forever.

Your ND brothers and sisters hurt with you simply knowing of your loss. We pray for you tonight.

 

[IRISHDODGER]

I’m sorry for dragging this down but I’m too deep to breathe and I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my wife yesterday morning to ALS.

I’ve been trying to think of how to form my words, but I’m at a loss. I (39 M) lost my wife (39 F) yesterday morning at around 3 a.m. to ALS. Her tracheostomy tubing got disconnected somehow overnight and I wasn’t able to hear the alarm fast enough to do anything about it. She was gone before I could even try and save her. I don’t know how it happened - I’ve replayed it a billion times so I could blame myself and I can’t think of anything I missed.

My whole world is over. I knew ALS would take her from me eventually, but not like this. Not because I couldn’t keep her safe. I failed the most important person in the world and I’m not sure how I can go forward from here.

So umm … I don’t know. I just needed to get these words out of my head.

No words man. My sincere condolences. You did not fail your wife & I suspect she would want you to know that. At the end of the day, you are a human being attempting to do honor your wife the best ways possible. I don’t know why this happened but I’m confident it wasn’t do to your lack of care & love.

I lost my dad on 1/18 of this year to a self-inflicted gun shot to his head. He was 81 years old & battling some health issues which led to depression. His 31-yr old autistic grandson who lived with him found him but I was sure he wanted me to find him b/c I was supposed to take him to a doctor visit that day. I played it out in my mind over & over before realizing (with the help of counseling) that there’s nothing my nephew or me could’ve have done to change my dad’s actions.

I will pray for peace & strength for you & your family during this time.

 

[Irishdawg]

As everyone has said I’m truly sorry, Colin! Know that you and your family are in my families daily prayers!!

 

[Irish#1]

Others have expressed it as well or better than I could, but both of you are in our prayers. Blaming yourself isn't the answer and I have a feeling she wouldn't want you to do that either. God bless Colin.

 

[irishu]

Praying for you, Colin. You are not alone!

 

[yankeehater]

Condolences for your loss Colin! Stay strong and your friends at IE are here for you.

 

[MacIrish75]

Colin,

You’re in my family’s prayers, man.

Irish Envy can be a cesspool at times (looking at you, Politics thread), but what always keeps me coming back is I feel like this is a place where our mutual love of Notre Dame, football, the university, etc has formed a bond where we truly do have concern and compassion for our fellow posters.

I lost my dad in May. That was hard—I couldn’t imagine losing my wife at a similar age (I’m 37). The one thing I clung to when my grief was strongest is that despite his many health issues, my dad was made whole again in heaven. Idk if you’re a believer, or not—and while I do believe in evangelism—I also know there’s a time and place. I believe your wife is now free from the chains of ALS regardless. She is at peace. And I pray that peace will find you, also, brother.

May the Lord be with you during your time of struggle and may His embrace wrap around you and your family in your time of need. If you need to hear a voice or talk to someone, don’t hesitate to hit me with a PM.

 

[Rasputin]

Colin,

There are moments of profound grief, beyond tears, so powerful that words cannot sooth.

Sincere condolences on your loss.

 

[KMac151993]

I know it likely doesn't help...but you most certainly did not fail her. Prayers brother.

 

[TNUtoNotreDame]

I know it likely doesn't help...but you most certainly did not fail her. Prayers brother.

Absolutely not! But there is a survivors guilt thing that occurs. I know I have had to walk through it and it is a process. My relationship with God helped and guided me through it. I am praying you Colin.

 

[ColinKSU]

Thank you for everyone’s kind words. I’m not able to process everything and I want to take time to reply to each of you. But I did want to share Kara’s obituary because I guess I just wanted people to know who she was. Thanks.

Kara Denise Harris Obituary 2024 - McReynolds-Nave & Larson

View Kara Denise Harris's obituary, find service dates, and sign the guestbook.

www.navefuneralhomes.com

 

[TNUtoNotreDame]

Thank you for everyone’s kind words. I’m not able to process everything and I want to take time to reply to each of you. But I did want to share Kara’s obituary because I guess I just wanted people to know who she was. Thanks.

Kara Denise Harris Obituary 2024 - McReynolds-Nave & Larson

View Kara Denise Harris's obituary, find service dates, and sign the guestbook.

www.navefuneralhomes.com

Thank you for sharing. Sounds like she was an amazing women.

 

[SDIrishFan]

Thank you for everyone’s kind words. I’m not able to process everything and I want to take time to reply to each of you. But I did want to share Kara’s obituary because I guess I just wanted people to know who she was. Thanks.

Kara Denise Harris Obituary 2024 - McReynolds-Nave & Larson

View Kara Denise Harris's obituary, find service dates, and sign the guestbook.

www.navefuneralhomes.com

Colin, Kara sounded like an amazing woman, overcoming challenges from the day she was born to the day she passed. I'm struck by people like this, who despite having there own personal struggles, seem to infuse so much life into those around them. I'm a firm believe that there are energy givers and energy takers in life, and your wife sounds like the ultimate energy giver.

Hold onto those memories. And remember, you're not alone.

 

[NDLS_USMC]

Kara certainly created a lot of love and laughter in this world!

For those interested, there is a donation link to The ALS Association where you can donate in her memory.

 

[TNUtoNotreDame]

Kara certainly created a lot of love and laughter in this world!

For those interested, there is a donation link to The ALS Association where you can donate in her memory.

Great association.

 

[Dizzyphil]

@ColinKSU very sorry brother...

my family will pray for you and yours for the next nine days in remembrance