Archive for the ‘Media Asshats: The More Say the Less I Think They Know’ Category

STFU

Tuesday, December 11th, 2007

Over at Fox Sports, some mindnumbingly idiotic sportswriter named Dayn [sic] Perry has pegged ND’s James Aldridge as his top candidate for the “Nixon Trophy,” awarded to “the worst college football player in all the land.” I’m not going to link to the article, but here’s what he had to say:

James Aldridge, RB, Notre Dame

Team Record: 3-9
Damning Stats: 121 carries, 463 yards, 0 touchdowns

He’s heard tell of a magical land called the “end zone,” but he’s not sure it even exists.

After running through the other candidates for the award, Dayn [sic] adds:

After much deliberation, we’re going to cast our vote for James Aldridge. Why? Well, one, we hate Notre Dame, and, two, it’s deeply impressive that he was able to run the ball 121 times without ever crossing the goal line. And kudos on a yards-per-carry that’s basically the equivalent of falling down after every snap.

Gee, thanks Dayn [sic]. Let me start off by adding for the record that one, I hate you and your Irish-hating kind, and, two, it’s deeply impressive that you were able to write several hundred words without a level of intellectual acumen beyond that of a coconut. And kudos on a column that’s basically the equivalent of what you’d find in an elementary school newspaper. While we’re at it, though:

  1. The reason Aldridge didn’t score any touchdowns was that ND divided their carries between four different backs, one of whom - Travis Thomas - got the ball on almost every single carry from inside five yards.
  2. Aldridge’s average of 3.83 yards per carry could only have been achieved by “falling down after every snap” if he had been handed the ball right at the line of scrimmage and he were, oh, 11′ 6″ tall. Given the piss-poor offensive line he had blocking for him, and the fact that he was battling injuries for most of the year, an average of nearly four yards a pop is actually pretty damn good.

So after much deliberation, I’m going to cast my vote for Dayn [sic] Perry as the latest Asshat of the Week. What say you? Write-in insults welcome.