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Old 12-30-2012, 09:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
BobD
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Your post is a joke.

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don’t have one.
Traffic Cop: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
Ultimate Penn St. Hater
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That's a good one. Thanks for the laugh.
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultimate Penn St. Hater View Post
That's a good one. Thanks for the laugh.
Thanks, it's gonna be a long week and I could use a laugh. I hope others will share some of their funny jokes.
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Old 12-30-2012, 10:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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A man walks into a hillbilly bar, walks up to the bar and orders a glass of white wine.
The bartender looks at the man and says "You ain't from around here, is ya?".
The man responds "No sir, I'm from Canada. I'm a taxidermist".
The bartender, looking puzzled says "A taxiturnist?? What is that, do you drive a taxi or something??"
The man says "No sir, I mount animals"
The bartender grinning, reaches out to shake the man's hand, and calls out to all his patrons "Don't worry boys, he's one of us!!!"
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Old 12-30-2012, 10:14 AM   #5 (permalink)
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So I say to Rick Astley, "Hey can I borrow some Disney movies?" To which he replies, "Okay. You can have The Lion King, Toy Story 3, and Wall-E. But I'm never gonna give you Up."
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Old 12-30-2012, 10:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
BobD
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Te'o4Heisman View Post
A man walks into a hillbilly bar, walks up to the bar and orders a glass of white wine.
The bartender looks at the man and says "You ain't from around here, is ya?".
The man responds "No sir, I'm from Canada. I'm a taxidermist".
The bartender, looking puzzled says "A taxiturnist?? What is that, do you drive a taxi or something??"
The man says "No sir, I mount animals"
The bartender grinning, reaches out to shake the man's hand, and calls out to all his patrons "Don't worry boys, he's one of us!!!"
LOL was it in Alabama? I'm probably not supposed to say that, but what the hay...they can delete it.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:04 AM   #7 (permalink)
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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks,"Why the long face?"
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